How Long Was I Asleep??!

I was at the local mall today, passing the time while my car's oil was changed. While I passed by unappetizing food stores, and avoided overeager salesmen (and apparently hurting their feelings in the process), I ended up where I always do, the bookstore. As I was browsing through the stacks, I almost did a double take when I heard what was playing on the store's speakers.

Frank Sinatra was belting out "Jingle Bells." What followed were a number of other similar songs - they were playing a Christmas album! I'm sure all readers are aware of the signs of Christmas that I revealed last year. Right around this time, Christmas decorations appear everywhere, and the mall certainly followed this rule. But the bookstore I guess decided to skip nearly a month and a half, and start exclusively playing Christmas music!

Why I am I listening to Christmas music when it's October, sunny, and 77 degrees outside? I had to check the date on my phone to make sure I wasn't hallucinating. Yep - October 30. I was forced to leave because well, I'm not quite in the Christmas spirit yet. Later on in the day a local electronics store reminded me how many shopping days we all had until Christmas.

Sigh - I may just have to amend my signs of Christmas this year. Maybe seeing all the Christmas decorations on November 1 will inspire me.

Oh yes, there will be sequels

Why, why why??! Why do you do it people? Why do you go out and help Saw IV earn $32 million??! You realize that this is only going to encourage them to make more!!

In the immortal words of Jay Sherman, "If the movie stinks, just don't go!"

TV14

Happy birthday to my good friend and co-contributor, who happens to share a birthday with actor Dennis Franz. Hopefully, unlike Dennis Franz, my friend will not be showing his bare butt on national television anytime soon.

Harry Potter and the Silly Revelations

(Before I begin, I must point out that I have not read any of the Harry Potter series, nor have I seen any of the films based on the novels. Yes, I know, that's strange to many of you. But the point is, I have no strongly negative or positive opinions towards Harry Potter in general)

The great thing about books, especially popular ones, is that they are open for interpretation. The author may swear up and down that the book is not meant to represent a certain something, but that doesn't stop people from thinking it does. J.R.R. Tolkien said that The Lord of the Rings was not meant to evoke thoughts of World War II, but there certainly are people who read the books and think about World War II. As Lex Luthor put it in Superman: The Movie, "Some people can read War and Peace and come away thinking it's a simple adventure story. Others can read the ingredients on a chewing gum wrapper and unlock the secrets of the universe."

The Harry Potter series is certainly popular. It's definitely, single-handedly caused a resurgence in reading novels - especially in children. Yet in the decade or so that the books have been released, I've never really heard any serious debates about concepts, characters, or plots in the book. Save for religious diehards denouncing the books, saying they promote Satanism, no one has really discussed brought up the novels in the media. No one has come forward saying, "what these books are really saying, is that..."

Well, the final novel has been published, and this event seemingly has shot the starting gun for Harry Potter debate and interpretation.

Perhaps the biggest revelation to come out recently is from the author herself, J.K. Rowling, who announced that a major character in the series, Professor Dumbledore, is gay. I guess if the deeply religious didn't have enough a problem with the books being "Satanic," imagine what this will cause. Fans applauded when the author announced this. Now the great debate has begun.

My question is, relevant is this revelation to the plot, or to one's interpretation of the novels? Is this really something of great debate? Someone at Entertainment Weekly thinks so. I have no opinion either way about it. If at some point I get to actually read one of the books, I certainly won't be scanning the text for hints of the character's sexuality. I might as well be trying to discover if a certain character is an alcoholic, or a drug abuser. Gee, maybe such-and-such character is manic depressive! Really, things like this just confuse me - situations like historians going and digging up dirt on great figures from history (the subject of another blog). Let everyone make their own interpretation about things like this. By the way, Watson from the Sherlock Holmes novels - TOTAL kleptomaniac. I'm just saying...

Now, there is someone who did make their own interpretation about the novels - philosopher Jean-Claude Milner. A search on Google or Yahoo! News will find will reveal this man's thoughts on Harry Potter. He interprets that Harry Potter is "of the Left." That's right - Harry Potter is a left-winger, and he's out to get the establishment. Harry and his cronies at Hogwarts are wholly against the values of profit-seeking market economies. He's Anti-American, I tells ya!

I can't agree one way or another with this man's views, but I do admit, anyone who can take a novel about a boy going to a school to learn magic and turning it into a statement against capitalism - well - that someone certainly has a vivid interpretation of things. J.K. Rowling has become a gazillionare because of Harry Potter, she's certainly gotten a lot of profit - does this mean that she wrote a series of novels that are negative towards her lifestyle? Because that would be kind of weird.

Schools in the United States are banning Harry Potter; first editions of the novels are selling for tens of thousands of dollars; and debate rages on about the fact that Rowling will never allow anyone, not even herself, to write another Harry Potter novel. The Harry Potter series has become the subject of great discussion. It's a good thing for printed media. Honestly, when was the last time people discussed a novel with such passion, outside of book clubs?

And for the record, in no way is the subject of this post a comment on global warming and its reprecussions on the environment.

Tortilla Reform

Does anyone know where I can get any good flour tortillas around here? Because it seems like every tortilla I try has no flavor and the consistency of rubber.

As a Texan, I am required by law to enjoy Tex-Mex food (read your state constitutions people!) - okay, not really. But Tex-Mex is so prevalent around here, that you can't help but dabble in it every once in awhile. I suppose for me it doesn't necessarily come from living in Texas so long, but rather because my family had "Taco and Burrito night" regularly. I don't have the big family to sit and eat burritos with, but I can still cook up some burritos myself and look back with fond memories.

Problem is, good burritos require good tortillas. Those tortillas can be bought or made.

I can go to the grocery store and take my pick from literally dozens of varieties of tortillas. Size-wise, I can get "regular" tortillas, soft taco size, fajita size, wrap size, and burrito size. As far as ingredients, they offer "plain 'ol" tortillas, multi-grain, low-fat. You can get flavored burritos now, such as herbs, sun-dried tomato, and others.

All these on top of the fact that there are several brands of tortillas - each brand claiming its more "authentic" than the next one, some throwing a lot of Spanish onto the packaging to draw you in and say "Hey, there's Spanish on this package, therefore it's really authentic."

But the odd thing is, no matter how different they claim they are from other brands, I can scarcely tell a difference from one tortilla to the next. They're all pretty bland, and most begin to tear and crumble as you start to roll your burrito.

Several restaurants tout "fresh" tortillas. I've had some good ones at Taco Bueno, but strangely, the quality of the tortillas varies from store to store. Taco Cabana has some good ones, and they give you some even in a meal that doesn't even really require tortillas. But I don't want to go to a restaurant for good tortillas.

One of my local grocery stores actually makes pretty good tortillas which are made fresh and are relatively inexpensive - though the size is more suited for fajitas. Then there is a brand of tortillas which you store in your refrigerator and then heat "fresh" on a skillet or griddle. As far as store-bought goes, these seem to be the best.

Then there's making homemade tortillas - which for me, hasn't been as easy as it should be. There seem to be just as many recipes for tortillas out there as there are brands in the stores. Butter, lard, with baking soda, without baking soda - there are many subtle variations. And quite frankly, the last few recipes I've tried didn't turn out very well.

So what's someone to do in this sitation? Anyone out there got a "can't miss" recipe for flour tortillas? I'm dying for a good burrito.

Study Finds

I've always been interested in how researchers convince institutions to back certain studies. I'd like to think that certain studies would be approved without hesitation, such as studies to alleviate certain diseases and conditions.

But then there's the other studies. The ones you find online or in the newspaper that just make you say "What?" These are the studies where I would like to be present during the "pitch" to whomever would be financing said study. How do they present their study? What are the benefits of their study? How can the financier profit?

These are just some of the studies that have published results recently.

• Swearing on the job can reduce stress and boost employee morale.
• Fish suffer from insomnia.
• Rap videos can encourage young women to drink alcohol.
• Secondhand cigarette smoke can hurt kids' grades.
• Children living on farms have a lower risk of asthma.
• Early humans threw clambakes and beach parties.
• School bullies and their victims are more likely to be the victims of crimes outside of school than other children.
• People believe gossip more than actual facts.
• Dairy farmers are more satisfied with their jobs than "multi-purpose" farmers.
  
• There is no strong evidence that shoe insoles help prevent back pain.
• Afternoon naps can help lower blood pressure.
• Rich people are more "neighborly" than poor people.
• Adult women are more likely to develop acne that adult men.

Yes, someone out there paid another someone out there to determine that fish suffer from insomnia. Which makes me wonder if fish insomnia leads to fish multiple personality disorder, which in turn leads to fish fight clubs. Or something.

I'm sure there's got to be SOME major purpose behind some of these studies. I'm sure my Romanian scientist friend might say that some of the work she's involved in helps us gain a greater understanding of our surroundings, and our universe. And that I can completely respect, for some people's main goal is knowledge. And what a wonderful feeling it must be to know how certain things in the cosmos work.

But is knowledge the ultimate goal for the researchers who performed the studies above? Is some scientist sitting back in a chair with a big grin on their face, thinking, "Wow, now I know that rich people are friendlier neighbors than poor people!" Or are they thinking, "Wow, I can't believe I got paid to ask dairy farmers how satisfied they are with their jobs!"

Hmmm. Guess I'll have to start a study on that.

Salvation Army - "Too Good" for Your Furniture?

(Just a note folks, unfortunately, this post may not live up to the high praise given in the last post. See, this is why hyping up something can be bad! We now continue to our regular programming)

When I moved into my first apartment many years ago, I had no furniture. Sure, I had all that crap I had leftover from when I was living in the dorms at college, but it really wasn't furniture. It was maybe a couple of pillows, a rug, a small TV - you know, "dorm stuff."

I couldn't afford to buy new furniture, so I did what anyone in my position probably would have done - I got some "furniture" at a second-hand store: a couch, some nightstands, a mattress that was more springs than it was actual cushion (I don't think I had a single restful night on that thing) - all for probably less than $50.

Of course as the years went on and I had steady income, I purchased new, better furniture. As the new furniture came in, I felt I should give back to the "second-hand" furniture community, so I called the Salvation Army. On separate occasions they happily came by and picked up the furniture - until today.

I was donating my old entertainment center, one of those el-cheapo ones you get at Wal-Mart for $50 and put together yourself. Still, it's served me faithfully over the years. Immediately upon seeing it, Salvation Army man #1 says "We can't sell this. It's too scratched up."

Say what?

Yes, apparently the entertainment center was in too poor a shape for the ol' Salvation Army. They were too good to take my second-hand furniture.

He then told me he could just take it to the dumpster for me, which I said yes to (what else was I to do with it if the darn Salvation Army won't take it?). Guy #1 then left and got in the truck, with guy #2 standing outside my door with a not-too-bright look on his face. I repeated what guy #1 told me about taking it to the dumpster, so he started helping me out with it. Guy #1 then yelled to guy #2, "What are you doing??!"
"You said you'd take it to the dumpster for him."
"No, no, we don't do that! Come on!"

Guy #2 then proceeded to start pushing the entertainment center back into my apartment. I protested, and finally just flat out asked him to just help me carry it to the dumpster. With an annoyed grunt, he agreed. It took maybe 3 minutes. All the while, guy #1 just sat in the truck, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel.

I've never thought in for a second that the Salvation Army would refuse to take furniture. I guarantee you that someone shopping at the Salvation Army store probably wouldn't care about a few scratches - especially when they're paying maybe $5-$10 for the entertainment center. But I guess the Salvation Army knows better. They're too good for my furniture. I expect in the near future this new, "snooty" Salvation Army will have valet parking at their stores and play classical music over the store speakers.

The Movie So Good, You Don't Need to Know the Plot

Lately on the radio, I've been hearing many commercials for Lust, Caution,a movie by director Ang Lee. The film is apparently winning worldwide acclaim. The film is apparently "breaking box office records from New York to Hong Kong." The radio commercial features several positive comments about the film from various critics. The commercial says everything you can possibly say about a movie - except what the plot is.

Apparently, this movie is so good, so acclaimed, so dominant at the box office, that the studio feels that they don't even need to tell us what the movie is about. They expect we will be so dazzled by the glowing comments, that we will just stop everything and go "Holy crap! We need to go see this movie right away, to be part of the phenomenon!"

There was another movie that was advertised much like this. It happened to be another movie by Ang Lee, called Brokeback Mountain. Sometime after the movie had been released to theaters, I called my parents. They told me about their weekend plans, and how they were going to go see Brokeback Mountain, because of all the good things they heard about the movie. I then proceeded to tell them what the plot of the movie was (by then, it was somewhat widely known what the subject matter was). After several seconds of silence, my parents decided that probably wasn't the movie for them.

So to you, studios, we don't need commercials blindly telling us how great the movie is and how we really need to see it. We also don't need commercials telling us every detail about the movie and its plot. As always, audiences will make their own decisions. Critically acclaimed movies frequently bomb at the box office, and critically reviled movies frequently hit number one at the box office.

Be sure to watch for my next blog entry. My friends tell me it's one of the best entries I've ever written. My co-contributor writes, "he weaves a spellbinding post that places him in the ranks of the masters." Pre-releases of the post are being read by the thousands. My next post, coming soon.

Why Everyone Should Work in Customer Service (At least once)

I haven't had the luxury of being in one job a long time - I've worked a variety of jobs from my mid-teens up until now. Bagboy at a grocery store, sacrificial lamb - er, customer service at Wal-Mart, customer service at Radioshack, over-the-phone technical support for everyday Americans at three different jobs, and currently I am still doing over-the-phone support, but for a more "select" group.

Which one of the above doesn't belong? If you guessed the last one, you're correct! It's the first time I haven't been at the whim of average John and Jane America. And you know what? It's a great change. I'm still doing support over the phone, but the people are a lot more understanding, a lot more patient, and a lot friendlier.

Up until now, I've seen the best and worst that America can offer, and everything in between. I've helped the people who are so grateful for my assistance that they say how wonderful I am and offer to introduce me to their single daughter. And, I've also helped the people who curse every other word and would just as soon step on my face as say hello. I've heard and seen it all.

Sadly, I would say about 75% of those people were overly negative in their attitudes - calling me names, telling me how worthless I am, threatening to get me fired, threatening to sue me and the company I work for. There were days that tried my patience and my very soul. I recall a time shortly after my grandmother passed away. One day at work was especially trying - I dealt with a lot of bad, bad people. At one point, I dealt with one of those people who thought that their Internet connection being down for a mere4 or 5 hours meant that the world hated her and she just had the worst life ever. She decided to take much of it out on me. Out of my mouth was the junk that the company made us regurgitate - "I'm sorry to hear that," "I understand your frustration," etc, etc. But in my head I was thinking "people are dying in a war overseas, millions of people have incurable diseases, my grandmother just passed on - and you think your Internet being down gives you the right to think you're the unluckiest person in the world, and gives you the right to treat others like crap?" After several minutes of abuse, I snapped. I hung up the phone, threw down my headset, yelled out "$@%%$# this job," and walked outside for some air. I came back minutes later, thankfully with my job still intact.

But, I've learned something in my years of being the target of so much negativity. for one, barely anything gets to me anymore. Situations where, in the past, I may have panicked or freaked out, no longer phase me. Secondly, whatever negative thoughts I had about my life, such as being disliked by religious deities, or thinking my life just plain sucked - those thoughts are gone. Suddenly my life didn't look as bad anymore after dealing with people like the woman above. It made me think, "do I really sound like that?" I really thought that when listening to a woman cry about her Internet being down - yes, she cried.

But more importantly, it helped reinforce respect for my fellow human beings. Knowing the toll all the negativity took - I couldn't bear to subject anyone else to that negativity. It just isn't right. I'm a little wiser, a little more patient. When I call some kind of support number, sure, they may have no idea what I'm talking about, they may not know how to fix it, they may be following an annoying script, but I'm not going to treat them badly because of it. It's so easy to treat someone poorly over the phone, because you're not looking at that someone in the eyes as you call them names or tell them you're going to get them fired. It's a power trip, one that people shouldn't embark upon.

So I say that for once in their lives, everyone should work some kind of customer service job. Especially over the phone. Once you find out how horrible people can be, you start to look at your own behavior, and you should be better for it. This especially goes for all people who have lived with lots of money most of their lives (I'm looking at you, Hollywood). Think you're better than everyone else? Work customer service for a week and see how low people can make you feel.

All you teenagers out there, 9 times out of 10, your first job probably won''t be the most glamorous. You may be doing it just for the money - to get a car, to help pay for college - pay attention at that job. Not attention to the job itself, but more importantly, to the people.

Everyone should work in customer service at least once. There might just be a little more respect out there.