PLEASE buy something!! I'll be your friend!

The life of a salesperson must be a tough one. To have your livelihood depending on your ability to make a sale - it's hard to imagine. I think there are good salespeople out there. Ones that will make you feel like you want to buy something from them - and not the other way around.

I was at the mall yesterday, waiting out the work being done on my car. There I was strolling along, minding my own business, when a salesperson stopped me. I knew he was trying to sell me something, but hey, I had time, might as well indulge him.

He proceeded to have me show him my nails, and then he took me over to give me a "manicure" of sorts. Some magic thing-a-ma-bobber(patent pending) that was "all natural." Through the whole thing I continued to indulge him. To be honest, the results were pretty nice. He even had me pick out a scented hand lotion - I picked some honey-scented concoction. Then began the sale. He went on and on about how much professional manicures cost, and that the product he was selling was $69.99, but I could get it for $29.99. He insisted that this was a "special" and surprise surprise, it just so happened to be today only. What fantastic odds!

This guy came on really strong. He was making it sound as if my life depended on this product, and how easier my life would be, and what a deal I was getting. Now getting annoyed, I told him I'd think about it and get back to him. I turned to leave. I was a few feet away when he called me back. Sigh. He then turned to the "hard sell." He blew it right off the bat when he told me "I can see you're worried about the cost" (not it at all - I had no use for magic nail and hand purifier (patent pending)). He calls me over closer to him - as if he was being surveiled by someone. He told me *gasp* I would get his price on it! He pulled out receipts of other people to prove to me the price they were paying (for what point, I'm not sure) and then asked me to make him a deal. He'd give me "his" price as long as I told people about the place and some other crap. He then punched in the secret price into a calculator so no one would see it, as if seeing it would cause mobs of people to rush the kiosk. Lucky me!! $19.99! Shhhh! Don't tell!!

By then I was REALLY annoyed, for many a reason - such as when I checked my phone because I thought I had a message (he made a comment on that), and such as his just overall creepy aura about him (whispering and calling me over close to him). I told him AGAIN I'd get back to him and high tailed it out of there, giving him a dirty look all the while and shaking my head. He looked as if I just stabbed him in the back.

I then proceeded to walk outside to pass him on the way back. I came in on the other side of the mall and passed another kiosk selling the same stuff. One salesperson there tried to stop me, but I kept on walking.

To this salesperson, I say this. I don't care how wonderfully amazing your product is. I don't care that it's all natural. That it will make my hands look great. That it will make a great gift. That I'm saving so much money. That going to a manicurist is expensive. The second you start monopolizing my time, chiding my attempt to check my messages, and just overall being a creep, that's when you lose a sale. Had to you taken my comment to "get back to you" to heart the first time, I might have had a better reaction to you. You could have gone "I understand, take some time to think about it, we'll be here," I would have had some respect for you. But then you begged. Bad move.

By the way, I can't get the bloody scent off my hands, and the lotion was greasy as a fish sandwich from McDonald's.

A salute to those brave people...

...that went shopping and that worked at retail stores on "Black Friday," the day after Thanksgiving.

To the shoppers, you are an inspiration ... for there rest of us to stay home. There's nothing quite like driving to work in the morning and passing both a Fry's Electronics, Best Buy, and Walmart, all with lines outside and full parking lots.. to make you thankful you're not at those stores. Honestly, I have a bad enough time as it is shopping at a crowded store, but now you're going to throw in more people AND bargain priced electronics? No thanks. As a whole, crowds are rude enough, but add in a great sale, and they'd probably be willing to trample you to get something.

But the people to be really proud of are the workers. To have to deal with people on a day like yesterday. Large crowds, highly coveted items.. add that to the mob mentality, and people trying to price match other stores.. talk about a headache. Plus most of these workers probably aren't making much more than minimum wage, and are not likely getting any kind of bonus for working on Black Friday. So for that, I salute you! Now about that sold-out flat screen TV...

Next Gen..of slackers

Sony's Playstation 3 gets released tomorrow. It is the latest in "next gen" console gaming. It's also something that all the hardcore console gamers apparently want to get their hands on.

I went by Best Buy (by Best Buy? sounds weird) to browse today. There were a bunch of guys camped out (literally...they had tents and everything) at the front of the store. I was confused, but only for a moment. They were there apparently to get their hands on a Playstation 3 the next day.

Why do it? Why camp out in front of a store for over 24 hours so you can be one of the first to shell out 300-something odd dollars for a game console? So you can have bragging rights? "Hey, I got myself a Playstation 3?" Because you have to experience the "next evolution" in console gaming? (at least until the Nintendo Wii comes out) More importantly, do you have jobs? Are you calling in sick to buy a Playstation? Are your rich parents paying for one?

Who knows. But they're certainly enforcing the stereotype of the hardcore console gamer. The stereotype of a person who just sits around for hours on end punching buttons on a controller. The stereotype of a slacker. So well done, guys! I suppose I''ll see some of you on the evening news tonight, eh?

EDIT: Yep, there were some news stories on these people. Apparently some of them don't even care about playing the Playstation 3. They want to buy one so they can turn around and sell it on EBay for a hefty profit. Yay capitalism!

Yes, Virginia, there are dry counties

I had a peculiar experience whilst shopping for groceries the other day.

A man stopped me and asked where the beer was.

I told him, "they don't sell alcohol at this store."

He asked if there were any other stores nearby that did.

"Nope. This is a dry county. No alcohol."

The revelation seemed baffling to the man, but his wife/girlfriend found it to be entertaining. "Ha ha ha! I've never heard of a dry county before! See, we're from Daytona Beach.."

I tried explaining to him where he might get some alcohol in a county not too far from where we were, but he gave the old "I'm not from around here" and refused to hear any directions from me. Still, he thanked me and he walked off, with the woman laughing all the while.

Yes...there are dry counties. I didn't appreciate the laughter at the expense of where I live. The people reacted as if I had just told them the Easter bunny was cleaning a spill on aisle 4 and that the Loch Ness Monster was behind them checking egg cartons for cracked eggs.

The "Dry county" shouldn't be a hard concept to understand. Some counties are dry because they are highly religious communities who don't approve of alcohol; some counties probably do it to try to prevent drunk driving.

But quite frankly, I'm not surprised someone couldn't understand that, coming from Daytona Beach and all...

Door Entry 101

Hello, class, this is Door Entry 101. Those of you looking for Professor Farnsworth's class, Mathematics of Quantum Neutrino Fields, that's next door.

75 percent of students who take my class fail it, so pay attention and take notes!

In this class we will discuss the proper way to enter a door.

We'll be learning things like, when you go to a store with separate "Enter" and "Exit" doors, the correct door to use when entering the store is "Enter," while when you are leaving, you use the "Exit" door. This is true even when both doors are 2-way.

Young man!! No talking in class!!

We'll also delve deeply into one of the most difficult of door entries, the double door. You'll find out that the double door system is just like driving. You always use the right side. This way if you are entering a door while another person is coming the other direction, you can both use the door without slamming it into someone's face! I wrote my dissertation on this subject.

What? The bell already?

So be it. For homework please observe people entering doorways and count how many do it incorrectly. You'll see why so many fail my course!

(Political) Party Lines

Election Day is fast approaching here in the U.S., arriving November 7.

For me, it can't come fast enough.

Over the past few months, and especially the last month, we've seen vast campaigning by incumbent and potential Senators, Congressmen, Governors, and more. The political parties are slinging so much mud that my car got stuck on the way to work this morning, and millions are being made in the car wash market.

Some weeks back, a widely known Republican was accused of sending racy emails to the teenage Congressional pages. He quickly resigned, and talk of a vast cover-up surfaced, that apparently these racy emails had been going on for some time.

This came on the heels of a few other Republican controversies, and some, including President Bush, cried foul. He called it "convenient" that all these things were being reported so close to election time. Jon Stewart retorted, "yes, how convenient that something is reported after it happens!" John Kerry was vilified for a speech where he told students who didn't study hard could get "stuck in Iraq." Kerry was urged to apologize - and he did - to the United States Armed Forces. I thought it was a horrible thing to say - until I read the full text of the speech. Kerry was basically calling George Bush stupid. Is that better? Not really. But in this climate, such a thing can be devastating.

This "conspiracy" against political parties goes even further. Some Republicans thought it "convenient" that North Korea began testing nuclear weapons, coincidentally around election time. Somehow this was a bid to take the Republicans out of power. And just today, Saddam Hussein was sentenced to death in Iraq. How convenient, thought the Democrats. Somehow this was a stunt to show the war in Iraq was worth it, swaying votes to the Republicans. Yes, somehow world events are happening that are a direct impact on the election, and these events are being arranged by the Republicans and Democrats.

And so it has gone on, in what I think has to be one of the dirtiest campaign seasons I've known. It's no longer "I have respect for my opponent," it's "my opponent eats babies." President Bush has gotten on the campaign trail, supporting his fellow Republicans. His speeches, at least the parts that I've heard, make it sound as if a vote for a Democrat is a vote for a psychotic axe-murderer who will come into your house at night and kill you in your sleep.

It seems Congress and the Senate has turned into a high school dominated by cliques. A Democrat can't be seen with a Republican, or he/she just wouldn't be "cool." Any hope of a bi-partisan solution on certain issues seems doomed because it's our way or the highway. No gray area. Either your really Republican or really Democrat. If you don't agree with the party majority or don't use those talking points, you're just not part of the party.

Again, this is just the impression that I get. It could be something that the media has cooked up - or it could just be something that the media is accentuating, which they have a BIG tendency to do on many issues. For all we know this is yet another conspiracy concocted by the government, a conspiracy drawn up to get us all more interested in politics and more interested in voting.

In his farewell address, our first president, George Washington, commented on the evils of political parties, and said that the parties that had developed at the time should come together for the good of the country. He also urged that morality was a "necessary spring of popular government." Wow. Why have these words been forgotten? Morality is not something I've seen awhile from many a politician.

I just don't see how these candidates can publicly flog their opponents and expect us to trust them in office. You've just thrown someone in front of a bus, you deserve my vote!

Ugh. But anyway. I'm tired of all the negativity. I get enough negativity in real life, I don't need it force fed me on TV. This is why I can't wait for the elections to be done.

Now that's just weird..

Holiday-time can be strange around local stores. At least when it comes to decorations.

Take one of the grocery stores I shop at. Throughout October, they of course had Halloween decorations, mostly in the form of inflatable yard decorations you could purchase. Inflatable Jack-o-lantern, inflatable "graveyard," etc.

But the strange thing I found in my visit there yesterday was that, along with all the inflatable Halloween stuff, right in the middle, they had an inflatable Nativity scene for Christmas. Yes, a Nativity scene smack dab in the middle of a bunch of "ghoulish" Halloween decorations.

Now that's just weird.