07 June 2009

The point of posting

This blog has been around for about 4 years now, and the number of posts has been quickly diminishing. I believe the last post was a somewhat cryptic and depressing post by my friend (though if you knew him you'd know what it was about, so I digress).

I kept reminding myself, I need to get on and blog. I haven't posted in forever. My last post was a boring and unfunny piece about my gastroparesis diagnosis last year. I need to get back in and do the funny stuff I started out with, and still enjoy going back and reading!

But I just haven't been able to do it. I'll start a post, do maybe two or three paragraphs, and stop. Sometimes the ideas run dry, sometimes I realize I can't make a long post about something I started. Sometimes I just lost interest and wondered what the point was - who'd be reading it anyway?

So, I started making up excuses. I was too busy at work, I'd say (yet I had 3 day weekends). I need time to come up with some ideas (what am I, a novelist?). I have other things on my mind (I don't have a girlfriend at the moment, what could possibly be distracting me?).

As an aside I turned to social networking. I started off with Myspace, which was interesting for about 5 minutes. I'd get excited that people wanted to add me as friends, only for me to discover that they were either Nigerian scam artists, or just people who wanted to bump up their friends count. I can't really seem to grasp the concept of Twitter, which I signed up for after a friend sent me an invite. 140 character post limit? "Today I worked, came home, and watched TV." Riveting.

So I've been spending most of my time on Facebook. It's interesting in that I've got several people on my friends list that I have not talked to in awhile. I figured, hey, this will be cool - we don't have to e-mail as much, I'll make new friends, and can do like a little mini-blog! Well, I still don't communicate that much with friends I used to e-mail alot, my delusion that my account would be like a personals ad and get me interested females was broken, and as far as mini-blogging - I barely sign on to it these days even to make a "what are you doing right now" post.

So the cycle continues - making up excuses for why I'm not getting onto Facebook to do stuff. And really, there are no excuses, I just haven't been going. I don't know why. I guess I'm just not getting the point right now. Maybe it's a really really long writer's block. Maybe I've gotten so jaded over the last few years that I just don't care about "networking" or expressing my ideas. Who knows. Maybe I will come back to this blog in force. Maybe I'll make daily posts on Facebook. Maybe this is the start of it all.

I guess I just don't have a point, which happens to be the point.

04 February 2009

The End of an Era

There was no grand ceremony, no honor guard, and certainly no formal closure. It just happened. Prophets and psychics couldn't have predicted the timing of the end of a major era in my life. I had a feeling that it would come someday, but I admit I was blindsided by the news. The news was a deathblow to a long, miserable, and educational time in my life.

For most of my childhood I was in a war to cheat the Grim Reaper out of a youthful prize. Thanks to God, family, and brilliant doctors the war was won. I went to school and I met other kids in my class, but I was socially awkward. The older I got, the more I learned how to be social (I learned very slowly). Most of my lessons came from negative experiences, which mainly consisted of "what not to do" scenarios. Some may think this way of learning life's lessons is natural, but I think it's perverse and sad. For me, the main rub of this now dead era was: no matter whom I hung out with, the same negative experiences kept happening to me. If my negative experiences stemmed from one person, there would've been an easy solution to the problem. Granted, it wasn't all doom and gloom. I met people with unique personalities which helped me realize what I valued in a person. As perverse as it sounds, my negative experiences made me a stronger person (sadly not physically). I am glad that I learned these hard lessons at a young age. I just wish there was no need to learn any hard lessons at all.

If this dead era is so bad, then why am I mourning its loss? I mourn the loss because I look back and see what I could have done to make things better for me and others. Honestly, I look back and cringe at the stuff I didn't do. I will mourn for this loss, but as with all mourning I must move on. I've heard it said that "life is all about change", I don't know who said it, but they are right. The scary thing is: where does this change lead to?

What I feared has come upon me; what I dreaded has happened to me. Job 3:25





18 October 2008

My $250 breakfast, or, Fun with the U.S. Healthcare System

Among the big “talking points” in the upcoming Presidential election (other than the economy, of course) is health care. Let’s face it – many Americans just aren’t that thrilled with the health care system. Sure, we have extremely skilled doctors and nurses – if you can afford them. Getting sick in the United States is expensive.

I have never really had a problem with the health care system. But then, for awhile I was being covered by my parents’ government health insurance, and after that, I never really got sick or injured. I never experienced why so many people had issues with the health care system.

In late April/early May, I began to experience stomach problems. While not painful, the symptoms were bad enough to cause nearly constant discomfort. Only lying down caused some relief. I decided to see my general practioner, someone who never really steered me wrong in the past. She took some blood, took an x-ray, and was honest enough to tell me that I could have any number of problems. Thus began my odyssey.

First up was a Colon specialist. After a brief examination and questionnaire, the doctor promptly scheduled me for some tests at the nearby hospital. One was a simple Ultrasound to check for gallstones and the like. The other not so simple – a test involving ingesting a large amount of liquid containing Barium, so that the doctors can “watch” you digest it. The purpose behind this is so that they can check for blockages in your digestive system.

Some time passed, and I hadn’t heard anything. It was like pulling teeth, but I finally reached the doctor to get my results. The tests came back “normal” so the doctor quickly washed his hands of me. I had to go see another specialist, a Gastroenterologist.

To make things extra fun, the company I work for switched medical insurance companies on us in the middle of all this. I went into the Gastroenterologist with a brand new insurance company. I spent several months dealing with the specific Gastroenterologist, who eventually came to dislike a lot. He was inattentive when I first went to see him. I spent all of about 5 minutes talking to him, the rest of the time was spent dealing with his nurse practitioner. The entire time he did not directly answer my questions, and while I was talking all he did was say “Mmmhmm. Mmmhmm.” (This to the point where I could probably tell him I was an alien from Pluto and still get the “mmmhmm” response). His strategy? Some blood tests, a couple of procedures, and, the most fun of all, a stool sample. Let me just say, getting a stool sample for this guy was probably one of my most unpleasant experiences.

He scheduled me for an EGD and a Colonoscopy – simply put, they stick a tube with a camera at the end of it through your digestive system so they can look at certain things. The EGD goes in from the top, the Colonoscopy from the bottom. They scheduled the procedures for consecutive days. It was when the time came for the first procedure when I began my dislike for this doctor. With little advance warning, he cancelled the first procedure for “personal reasons.” The office called and told me. Problem is, they didn’t bother to tell the hospital. They were quite surprised when they called to go over a few things with me, only to have me tell them that the procedure got cancelled. I still took the other procedure the next day, and the guy showed up half an hour late. He didn't bother to stick around afterward - the nurses at the hospital gave me my discharge information.

I had a follow up the next week with the doctor, who still had his "I really don't want to be bothered spending too much time with you" attitude. I still didn't feel better, so they scheduled me for the procedure that they had cancelled earlier. Oh, and they ordered more blood tests.

The fun continued when I started receiving some bills, which were a lot higher than I expected. I curiously checked my new insurance company's website, only to find that they declined to pay many of my charges because, apparently, my coverage had expired. I called them up and explained the situation, which was a somewhat humorous situation. The representative's response went somewhat like this: "Yes, I see that the claims were denied because your coverage expired.....oh...but I see that your coverage started on the 1st." Had I owned a bell I certainly would have rang it for him. They said they would reassess the claims, which they did - after I had to make several calls reminding them.

By the time that was all sorted out, It was time for my next procedure. I was still uncomfortable almost constantly. The next procedure went almost the same as the first, with the doctor really just there to "do his thing" and let other people deal with the aftermath. When I went in for my follow up, it was quite surprising - the doctor asked me how I felt. As if somehow, in the week between the procedure and my follow up, I had magically healed. When I told him there was no improvement, he seemed almost shocked. He pushed some pills on me and pushed me out the door.

I took the pills for about a month, and they offered absolutely no relief. I headed in for another follow up. I was ushered into the examination room, where I waited for 45 minutes. When he finally showed up he offered no apology. He also didn't seem to give a damn when I told him I was not improved, and I really wanted to find a way to get better. He didn't offer one. He just wanted to run more tests. I'd had enough.

I got a referral for another Gastroenterologist. He was a vast improvement over the previous doctor. He flat out dismissed my last doctor's appraisal, and told me he had a good idea what it was. The downside? Another test.

The final test I had to run was a $250 breakfast. I arrived at the hospital and was offered scrambled eggs, toast, and juice that had a radioactive material in them (a different one this time). In this test, called a Gastric Emptying test, they were wanting to watch how quickly food left my stomach. I ate the irradiated food and sat on an extremely uncomfortable table for an hour and a half, instructed not to move.

I was called days later and told the test came back normal, but I guess they had another look at it, because a few days after that they called me and said that they noticed the food did not digest as quickly as it should, a condition called Gastroparesis. I got more drugs, and I will be following up with the doctor at the end of the month.

So, 5 months later, I am for the most part feeling better thanks to the new medication. There are still some bad days, but its not constant like it once was.

Also, 5 months later, I face a slew of medical bills. I will be paying off the several doctors visits, lab tests, and procedures for a long time. All I can say is that I am thankful I did not have something seriously wrong with me, because if I did, the 5 months it took to diagnose me may have been too late. I can see now why people just hate the health care system. Doctors that don't tell you anything, doctors that are jerks, test after test after test...and of course, the costs. For two of the procedures, I had to have anesthesia. I had to be put under 20 minutes for one, and about 40 minutes for the other. The cost of the anesthesia, before insurance stepped in and paid its cut, was $600. Yep, $600 for the near-equivalent of taking a nap. I feel for the families with long term illnesses, as its doubtful they will see a debt-free life soon or at all.

My beloved home of ranting, this blog, has suffered. My personal life has suffered. So, come on, Obama. Come on, McCain. When you're elected, get to work on that health care system. Quit wasting money on Congressional hearings for steroids in professional sports. It's time for the American people to start trusting their physicians again. If for nothing else, than to prevent long, boring, ranting stories like this one.

30 September 2008

Sunday Chicken

This is a recipe I stole errr umm got from my sister. I usually don't do crock pot recipes but this one is worth it. It's easy and quick, ok not quick, but as Alton Brown would say "Your patience will be rewarded."

5 Chicken Breasts (boneless & skinless)

2 cans of cream of mushroom soup (I usually prefer the low salt and fat variety)

1 envelope of dry Italian dressing mix

1 package of cream cheese (low fat)

Line outer edge of crock pot with chicken breasts, and put cream of mushroom soup in the middle. Break up the cream cheese into about 8 pieces and place them on the soup. Sprinkle Italian dressing mix over all the ingredients. Cook on high for 3 hours or low for 6 hours. I usually enjoy this dish on a bed of white rice, but I think brown rice would do as well. Enjoy.

30 June 2008

The Plan

Plans, they're everywhere; a person in this day and age cannot competently complete a task without some sort of plan. Military leaders have a plan to assist them in preparing for an upcoming battle. Politicians use a plan to gain a victory over their opponents. Villains (real or fictional) also employ a plan to gain victory over their opponents. Whatever the purpose, a plan can be devised to fit one's needs. Of course, like most things in life, plans are not fool proof, and one in particular fits in this category. The plan I am referring to is the "life plan." Unfortunately, this plan is not tangible, but result of my observations of what people expect of themselves and others. This expectation is especially strong among people in their 20's and early 30's. Let me take a moment to sketch out what this plan might look like. It may look like something like this: Survive school through your senior year. Go to a college and or a university, while there you eventually start a serious dating relationship. The relationship gets stronger and the question is popped. Marriage occurs near or after college graduation. You start your career and with your new paycheck, you make some big investments (a house and car). Years pass, and eventually you become a parent, thus quieting the endless nagging of your parents on becoming grandparents.

I could go on, but this the part of the "life plan" I am most concerned with. I have accomplished some of the stuff that I have listed, but most of it I haven't. I haven't met someone I can seriously date, and I haven't started my career. I also haven't purchased a house or a car. I can honestly say these shortcomings wouldn't bug me so much if these expectations were not imbedded in society. Surprisingly, my family is not so pushy. One would expect that one's family to most vocal about this, but not so in my family (much to my relief). I usually get reminded of my shortcomings from friends and acquaintances. The reminders usually come up in small talk. Comments like: "When are you going to find some nice gal to go out with?" or "Oh yeah, my friend is 25 and he has a wonderful wife and two children." I usually respond by nodding or smiling, but my brain starts to scream with "what if scenarios." The only way I can calm my brain is by consuming chocolate and caffeine.

For me it's about pressure and expectations. I know I am not the only one who is in the same situation. I have a friend at work (it's true I have a friend at work) whose life did not follow the "life plan." This may sound twisted, but I take some comfort in that. It is nice to know that I can talk to someone about it and gain some perspective. I would be a liar if I said that I don't feel envy towards people that have achieved much if not all the expectations that society has placed on us young adults.

I often find myself daydreaming of what it would be like if my life took a different path, but deep down I know it's useless. What can I do? I wish I had a clever, simple, and poignant solution. Sadly, I do not. I guess all I can do is take things one day at a time and ignore the expectations of others.