I was attempting the hell to communicate

In Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, Spock communicates with a whale via a telepathic mind meld. He talked with the whales, the whales talked back. It was all understood. A nice little conversation.

If only it were that easy.

The subject of communication with animals came up the other night while I was watching random videos on Spikedhumor. One video had a 10-hour-old kitten meowing loudly, apparently calling for its mother. Shortly after a reply from the mother is heard, and the mother arrives and picks up the kitten.

Mocha freaked out. She started meowing, and then began intently looking around the apartment. She did this for a good 10 minutes before finally coming to the conclusion that there was nothing TO find. Amazingly enough, she understood the kitten's cries and believed a kitten might need some help. Her meows to me seemed to say, "kitten in danger! Help me look!"

Scientists have always said animals can communicate with one another via various forms of communication - body language, a whale's song, a wolf's howl - the animals seem to talk with one another just fine. It's communication with humans that seems to be a problem.

So how exactly can one communicate with animals? Well, we can't all be like Dr. Grant in Jurassic Park III and become fluent in Velociraptor in 90 minutes ("no, call for help!"). Well, there are so-called "animal psychics" who allegedly can read an animal's mind and then tell you what the animal is feeling. Now if psychics truly did exist, I doubt they could completely understand an animal's thought process. With an animal's brain not quite working the same way as a human's, I think the most a psychic could truly get out of an animals brain are base thoughts like "hungry" and "sleepy." No, these pet psychics more than likely are making educated guesses.

Then there's people like the man with his own show, The Dog Whisperer. I've only seen the show once, and if you've never seen it, basically this man goes to a person who owns a dog with behavioral problems. The man then determines the basis for these problems and offers solutions. The man is talented, I'll give him that - but he really is just a very skilled behaviorist. If you spend enough time around a particular animal it should become second nature to understand why said animal will act in a particular way, and how to discourage/encourage that act.

What about technology? Those tech wizards over in Japan have released the Bowlingual and Meowlingual in years past, which act as dog and cat "translators." The pet "speaks" into the device, the device reads the pet's speech, and then offers a text translation to let you know what the pet is saying. Pretty cool, in theory. But the idea behind this is that the makers probably spent countless hours with dogs and cats, recording their speech, and then associating certain meows/barks with behaviors. "Oh, after this bark, the dog went to go eat his food. That must be its 'I'm hungry' bark. And after this bark, he scratched at the door, that must be the 'I want out' bark." So, they associate behavior with the recorded speech, and then tell the computer to display that behavior whenever it hears a bark with that tone and pitch.

So, it's all about behavior, and that's probably the best we can hope for. It can be difficult for some pets, I admit. Take Mocha - by nature, Himalayan cats are very chatty. Mocha has something to say about nearly everything. It's tough to get a bead on what exactly she's trying to tell me. I'd be hard pressed to distinguish between "rub my belly" and "this issue of global warming is a concern to us all." She seems just as frustrated as me when she can't seem to get her point across. She may REALLY want to talk about global warming.

Class dismissed

Can anyone tell me why, in a predominance of scenes in movies/TV where a class lecture is being given, the lecturer always seems to be starting his/her lecture, only to have the class end 2 minutes later? What the heck was the teacher doing the first 58 minutes?

It's like, "Today's lecture is on George Washington, our first President. George Washington was a great.. oops, class dismissed. Please read chapters 2 and 3 for next time. Oh, and sorry about the beginning of class there, today's Jerry Springer was too good to miss!"

So It's to be Torture, then

Good 'ol Hollywood style.

The good guy has defeated the badguy. But the bad guy has done things so horrible, that the good guy is ready to commit a horrible deed against the bad guy.

But then, the good guy's friend pleads for the good guy to stop. And the phrase is always the same -
"If you do this, you're no better than them!"

The good guy stops, realizes their friend is right, and spares the bad guy. Crisis averted. The hero has taken the moral high ground.

It's a shame that the President doesn't have that same friend pleading with him.

In the past weeks, debate has arisen over interrogation methods that have been used on terror suspects. Alleged methods used on suspects include electric shock and "waterboarding," which is used to make the person believe they are drowning.

Bush & Co. say that these methods have helped avert terrorist attacks. Others say that such methods verge on torture and violate the Geneva Convention.

The President appeared on The Today Show, interviewing with host Matt Lauer. Lauer asked Bush about the secret detention facilities and the interrogation of suspects. He asked if Bush believed the interrogation of suspects was "within the law," why interrogate them at a secret facility? Bush dodged the question, and said,

I'm not going to talk about techniques. And, I'm not going explain to the enemy what we're doing. All I'm telling you is that you've asked me whether or not we're doing things to protect the American people, and I want the American people to know we are doing so.

He also didn't talk about techniques because he doesn't want the enemy to "adapt" to them.

First of all, I'm not sure how an enemy is going to "adapt" to certain interrogation methods. As Jon Stewart joked, how are they going to adapt to waterboarding? By growing gills?

And second, I know things are being done to protect the American people. I and every American owe a great debt of gratitude to the U.S. Armed Forces. One that can probably never be repaid. They go out there and put their own lives on the line to protect the American way of life.

But all be damned if I'm going to have someone tortured in my name, or in the name of my freedom. I've read some stories of suspects and their treatment. Some were only suspects, and never proven to be terrorists. One can only take so much abuse before saying what you want them to say. Interrogating a few people isn't what is making me safer.

Bush is also asking for 'clarification' on the Geneva Conventions, and pleading members of Congress to help pass laws that will help him get away with this crap. Members of his own party are fighting him on it, including his former Secretary of State, Colin Powell. Among the arguments against the policies are that they add to the doubts the rest of the world has about the United States, and will harm our military overseas.

And you know what, he's right. Several cultures overseas view America as the "great Satan" and view our country with great ire. By going and doing morally questionable things, this view of our country only stands to get worse. There are people out there that believe Bush's actions against terrorism have only made us more of a target instead of less of one.

Don't get me wrong. There needs to be a stop to any and all terrorist activity. If a known terrorist is caught, then he/she should be punished to the full extent of the law. Notice the last part of that: OF THE LAW.

By committing these morally questionable things in the fight against terror, we are becoming no better than the terrorists themselves. Those friends - the ones that say "by doing this you're no better than them" are there - the Bush administration simply isn't listening to them. This is one Hollywood ending where the hero won't be a hero by the end.

101 Posts or No CGI dogs allowed

For the longest time I've had a hard time finding an outlet for my creativity. I tried to learn to draw for so many years but I eventually gave up on that and I have no musical talent in my blood, but that all changed when I started playing "City of Heroes." My friend (who also contributes to this blog) and I have played this game almost daily since the game became available for play. Aside from doing the missions and gaining new powers whenever our characters levels up, I would have to I have the most fun creating a new hero. Mind you, I never really played a role playing game before,but I quickly got hang of it. I discovered I have a knack for creating origin stories for my various heroes and heroines. Sometimes the story would come almost fully formed and other times I would have to struggle for months to come up with a story that I deemed suitable. I would also have brainstorming session with my friend on coming up with a good story. I would like to share some of the more notable stories (briefly, of course) of my heroes.

Blue Wire: Ahh, my first hero and my favorite. Amber Ohms (clever name don't you think) was a personal body trainer at a local gym and engaged to prominent member of the mob. She was also long time friend to an assistant District Attorney. This made her fiance nervous and he thought she was telling him secrets about the family. As it turns out that the District Attorney was bought out by the mob, and they murdered the poor assistant and framed Amber. Yeah I know, nice guys. Well since the local justice system was rigged against her, Amber found herself strapped to the electric chair, but something went wrong. *cue dramatic music* For some unexplained reason she didn't die but her body absorbed all the electricity. Chaos breaks loose, and she escapes the chair and realized that her ex-fiance was in the audience, and she gives him a taste of what the electric chair felt like. It looked as if she was about to kill him, but she stopped herself at last second and she escaped. Considered by many as a vigilante at first, Blue Wire has earned the respect and admiration of the citizens of Paragon City. Partnered with Vulcanian, she continues to fight evil doers in every shape and form.

Sara Bellum: A beautiful but brainy girl that had no time for anything but her college career. Men would constantly ask her out , but she would always turn them down. She was vaguely aware that she was telekenitic, but that all changed one day. One day, after a long study session at the university library, Sara decided to walk across campus at night. She happened across two male classmates that were drunk and obviously angry that she turned them down in the past. They tried to rape her but the attempt was quickly brought to a halt, when her telekentic abilities exploded into an unfocused rage and hurled the two attackers against a wall. Needless to say the attackers survived, but they had months of recovery before they could become mobile. Realizing her powers Sara quit school and worked on controlling her powers. Today, she is teamed with Metal Menace and they continue hunting evil and helping other heroes who are in need.

Hot Strike: Her name was Cara. A spoiled, rich high school girl that loved to get everything that she wanted. Of course, she desired something that she could never get, the love of her dreams. The object of her desire, was a wildly popular boy, but he never paid any attention to Cara. Frustrated at the lack of attention she was getting,Cara resorted to magic. Cara enlisted her best friend that dabbled in magic, to help her create a spell to get the boy to desire her. The spell was designed to make the boy feel a burning desire for Cara if he was away from her, but bliss when he was in her presence. The spell might have worked, if Cara's friend hadn't sabotaged it. It turns out that Cara's friend also desired the same boy. The spell's intended effect was redirected to Cara and not to the boy. The combination of the spell and her existing desire caused Cara to manifest fire whenever her emotions were at a high state. This was not a big problem, until her opportunistic father tried to exploit her daughter's new found powers for profit. Realizing that her dad was trying to exploit her, Cara lost all emotional control and began to manifest fire all around her. She might have been lost to her fire powers, if Dionaea didn't use her mental powers to calm her down. Eventually, Cara changed her selfish ways and learned control of her powers. Now known as Hot Strike, she and Dionaea fight crime around Paragon city.

Toxoplasma: Created in lab that was both run by the United States and the Russian Federation in order to create a type of human that can survive in hostile environments. Toxoplasma was created to absorb radiation with no ill effects. When Toxo (he goes by the nick name) was at the Chernobyl disaster sight Toxo began absorbing so much radiation and at a rapid rate that his body began to change. The radiation interacted with his cells and began to mutate them. Instead of just absorbing radiation Toxo now can release it. Realizing this new talent, Toxo escaped government service and fled to Paragon City. He now fights evil with Undershadow.

Well, that's certainly not the whole roster of my heroes, but it is a good chunk of it. As I mentioned before, I like creating these characters. Sometimes I can plan on making a character, but other times it pops into my brain randomly (this usually happens when I am at work). I just get a sense of satisfaction when I play online with my creations. The idea that this character is mine and I can shape them in fashion the way I want, just makes me happy. This might not be your idea of fun, but I hope everybody finds a way to express their creativity. Seeing something that one has thought up and brought to light just gives one a sense of satisfaction.

100th Post Spectacular!! Collector's Item!! Non-nerds look elsewhere!

Well it only took us 15 months to do it, but here we are at our 100th post.

The odd thing, I thought, was naming the blog Battle Plan, after our supergroup on City of Heroes, but never actually having talked about the supergroup!

I started somewhat early in life with Role-Playing Games (RPGs). From pen-and-paper RPGs to the old "Gold Box" Dungeons & Dragons computer games (please consult your local nerd for the term Gold Box computer games).

Most of the games were played with my brother, but as my sister will shudder to see put into print, there was some playing of Top Secret, S.I. between the three of us. Otherwise it was games like Dungeons & Dragons, Ghostbusters, and most often, the Marvel Super Heroes RPG.
Probably most of my and my brother's time on Marvel was spent creating new heroes. I don't think we had maybe but half a dozen original characters we would play on a daily basis. We did have two regular supergroups, X-Force was one - before Marvel infringed on our copyright and named one of their teams X-Force. :) The other was our own copyright infringement, the Rocky Mountain Avengers, complete with clones of various Marvel characters.

Our library of characters got so large that we pulled a Crisis on Infinite Earths on our characters, and drew them all into one titanic superbattle in which many heroes and villains lost their lives. The place: our local shopping mall. The name of the battle: The Mall Massacre. Clever, eh? One of the most memorable demises had to be one of our robot characters getting turned into a toaster and then crushed. Now that's a comic book death!

This love of creating new characters has followed to City of Heroes. The "level cap" of City of Heroes is 50, and the highest level character I have is 39. Why? Because so much time is spent on so many other characters. Only 1 of hero from my pen-and-paper RPG days has made it into the game, Metal Menace.

And so, I've decided, what the heck, I'd like to share the names and origins of the various heroes I've created and who have joined the ranks of Battle Plan. One note before I begin - Babelfish has got to be one of my best allies. When the name you want for a character is taken, just go to Babelfish and voila, you've got that character's name in another language.

So here they are, the origins of my Battle Plan members. Warning, what you are about to read is in rough form. In order to put them all in one place and not get too wordy, they are abbreviated and not too descriptive. The full, glorious origins will probably remain in my brain until one day I decide to sit down and write a book about them. Oh, and it's rather nerdy.

************* WARNING: NERD ALERT************* WARNING: NERD ALERT

Vulcanian
One of my oldest heroes. Vulcanian was once a cab driver who acquired tickets to a tour cruise of paragon city. The cruise steered too close to an island infested with the villain group the Circle of Thorns, and the Circle took advantage. Vulcanian was abducted and made the subject of a ceremony to bring forth an ancient demon. A battle took place in the astral plane, and the surprisingly strong willed Vulcanian defeated the demon. He was shocked to find out that half of the ceremony was successful - his once human body was now replaced with a rocky, horned demon body. He escaped, and now fights crime with a mystical axe and his fire abilities. Despite his demonic appearance, he is well liked in his hometown. His creation was heavily influenced by the movie Hellboy, but his personality is more like that of the Thing. Named after a type of volcanic eruption. He is partnered with Blue Wire.

Dionaea

Dionaea grew up with two focuses - playing pranks, and protecting her siblings in a dysfucntional family. A mutant, Dionaea's powers emerged in her teens. She had the potential to be a very powerful telepath and telekinetic, but she focused on what she grew up with, so now she is a powerful illusionist, using telekinetic force fields to aid her allies. Named after a venus fly trap (get it? cause they use trickery). Partnered with Hot Strike.

Metal Menace

Ahh, the only holdover from the pen-and-paper days. He was an air force pilot testing an experimental plane powered by a new energy source. The plane experienced a freak storm and crashed. He gained the new ability to control weather, but was forced to receive cybernetic implants to stay alive. The implants use the same energy source as the plane, which allows him to fire blasts of the energy. (unfortunately his ability to grow in size did not make it into City of Heroes - that power is not in the game) :)

Tainted Earth

Was an archaeologist who thought he unearthed a great discovery - but to his horror he found a corporation was using the underground ruins to store its industrial waste. The corporation stumbled upon him and sealed him inside. In classic comic book fashion, the radioactive energy in the waste empowered him with control over the earth around him, as well as the ability to generate radioactive energy for various uses. He used his abilities to escape and bring down the corporation. He is now partnered with Verderoche, another hero with earth abilities.

Undershadow

Was a woman from the 1960s who discovered on her 21st birthday she was to be a sacrifice in her father's spell to prolong his life and give him more power. She enlisted the help of a local supergroup, who determined that the best way to stop him was at the spell itself. They were successful in stopping the sacrifice, but the desperate sorcerer did succeed in banishing Undershadow to a dimension of pure darkness, in exchange for some power. Undershadow did not stay trapped for long, however, as she used her occult knowledge learned from her father to escape the dimension. She soon discovered while she had spent only days in the dimension, she emerged several decades later in the real world. She also carried with her some of the dark energies from her prison dimension, and now uses these powers to battle evil. Is partners with Toxoplasma.

Epineux

Was born into a wealthy family, owner of several businesses. He was also born with the ability to heal quickly. Grew up around heroes - his father was benefactor to a large superteam that had been around for decades. In fact, he was around heroes so much that he wanted to be a hero - often placing himself in dangerous situations. Goons from a rival corporation saw him use his abilities and kidnapped the boy. They planned to harness his healing powers and create fast healing soldiers. The plan backfired when Epineux's abilities caused his bone tissue to grow exponentially, causing a explosion of spears of bone, killing all present. Epineux escaped, racked with guilt over the incident. He focused more on being a hero, and atoning for the deaths he caused (albeit accidentally). Since then he has trained intensely, and graduated college, giving himself the knowledge not only to help his father run the various businesses, but to be a great detective. Epineux fights alone. his name is French for "spiny." (more puns!)

Nonpareil

What was once an excuse to have a hero that looked good in a cape has now turned into one of my favorite heroes. He is definitely a product of the silver age of comic books, both in his demeanor and his costumes. But he wasn't always Nonpareil. He was actually born in the 19th century, son to a Greek museum curator. He moved with his father to the United States so his father could oversee a larger museum there. The museum received an odd artifact, claiming to be the mythological arrow that pierced Achilles in his vulnerable heel and killing him. An intruder came for the arrow one day, and when the young Nonpareil tried to stop him, he was struck in the heel with the arrow. Achilles' DNA mixed with his own, and soon he became largely invulnerable - and seemingly immortal. His exploits over the next few decades would be a novel. To make a long story short (too late), he held off becoming a costumed hero over fear that the world was not ready for metahumans. He joined the influx of heroes at the outbreak of World War II. It was here he discovered his only ability of invulnerability had its limits - he would need allies if he were to battle evil. He joined with a team of heroes and spent the next decades at various heroes sides, soon growing weary of seeing friends lose their lives to the fight against evil, and simply old age. He planned to retire after one last mission. He investigated a warehouse along with a fellow hero - a warehouse stockpiled with Rikti weapons, to be used in their invasion of Earth. A battle ensued when the heroes were discovered, and the weapons were ignited The warehouse blew up, and Nonpareil was rocketed to Canada, where he recovered with the help of some locals. He had lost his memory from before the explosion, and now had the ability to harness energy and use it for attack. He returned to Paragon City as Nonpareil - French for 'without equal.'

The Eternal Struggle

September 12 will see the latest re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re*slaps self*-release of the "Original" Star Wars Trilogy (hereforth to be known as "the OT"). Since the 1997 release of the "Special Edition" OT, Star Wars has been surrounded by endless debate, ridicule, and frustration. Who is to blame for it? Is it the mastermind behind the series, George Lucas? Or is it the overzealous Star Wars fans? Actually, it's a little of both.

Many already know the story behind the OT. George Lucas has said on many occasions that the OT was released in an "unfinished" state. There were certain things he wanted to do with the films, but was unable to do so, due to lack of time, money, and most importantly, special effects technology. But by the time of the original movie's 20th anniversary, CGI was in regular use, so Lucas saw the opportunity to complete his work. Thus, the "Special Edition" OT was released in 1997, with updated special effects, restored picture, digital sound, and "a few surprises." The surprises turned out to be entirely new scenes that couldn't be realized before. Oh. And Greedo shooting first.

Oh horror of horrors! The sky is falling! Run for shelter!

Yes, instead of getting kudos for releasing this "fully realized" version of his movies, George Lucas got bombarded with derision, with the most common of insults being "Lucas raped my childhood!" Most of these insults came as a result of Lucas' altering of certain scenes in the movies, the most famous being that instead of Han Solo shooting the bounty hunter Greedo before he can fire a shot, Greedo shoots first, misses, and is killed by Han. Other scenes had lines replaced with alternate takes, and a completely new musical number was added to Return of the Jedi.

Hardcore fans felt betrayed that the beloved movies that they grew up with were changed in what they perceived to be horrible, nasty ways. Han can't fire back in self-defense! Shooting first is what made him cool to begin with! And it makes Greedo look like a moron since he misses at point blank range! etc. etc. Other little details were nitpicked, such as the alternate lines.

Well, get ready for a shocker.

I DIDN'T NOTICE THESE ALTERATIONS.

Sure, I recognized the new scenes. I marveled at how good the picture looked. But for the life of me, the scene that has drawn so much ire just went by like normal. To me, they were the same entertaining movies with a simple facelift. And when one really looks into it, take away the redone special effects and the added scenes, (but keep the "altered" ones) and its still 99% the same movie. And I'm still at a loss as to why people fuss so much about it.

Anyway, the fans started getting riled up, and then 1999 saw the release of the first film in the "Prequel Trilogy" (PT). The Phantom Menace made a ton of money, but the movie was chastised as not living up to the OT. The war of words was on. By now, Internet chat boards had become a big thing, and people banded together to bash the movies and George Lucas. Lucas didn't seem too upset at first. His defense was that they are his movies, and he can do with them what he wants (though not quite in those words). He again mentioned that the Special Edition versions of the OT were closer to his original vision of the series.

The first ever DVD release of a Star Wars movie came in 2001 when The Phantom Menace was released. Again, fans were annoyed. It was over the fact that the PT was being released on DVD before any of the OT were being released.

The years and the insults went on. George Luca$, as he was now called, was blamed for anything and everything having to do with Star Wars. If a kid poked himself with a Star Wars toy, you could be sure that some guy on the Internet was blaming Luca$.

Lo, behold! A light on the horizon. Lucasfilm announces they'll release the OT on DVD in 2004, complete with Dolby Digital 5.1, loads of features, and commentaries with George Luca$ and crew!

Oh wait, they're the "Special Edition" versions. Despite us asking for Star Wars being released on DVD, and us getting our wish, we're outraged that its the "Special Edition" versions. Hardcore fans wanted the untouched versions to be released (fans like me couldn't care less). Luca$ insisted that the untouched versions of the films no longer existed on celluloid, that they were damaged beyond repair, or were destroyed in the restoration process for the SE releases.

Still, those naysayers probably bought the OT DVD set, only to again pout and moan. This time it was over the sound mix used for the DVDs. The claim was that some of the new sound effects drowned out the musical score, the stereo channels were reversed in some cases, and some of the dialogue was "inconsistent" in certain areas. Lucasfilm passed these off as "creative decisions." Fans didn't buy it (the excuse, that is).

But wait, there's more!

Further alterations were made to the movies. The Han vs. Greedo scene was altered to give a more "neutral" version, with Han and Greedo shooting about the same time. Further changes were made to make the OT more in line with the PT, including adding PT star Hayden Christensen to the end of Return of the Jedi as Anakin Skywalker. Fans..upset..blah blah blah.

But Lucasfilm apparently relented. They announced that the unaltered versions would be released on DVD this year. Fans rejoiced and claimed victory. Years of bitching and whining to get their way had paid off. Luca$ was a liar for saying that the unaltered versions didn't exist anymore.

Oh no, don't say it..

Fans found more reasons to complain.

THIS time it was because a)the movies would only contain a stereo track, not Dolby Digital 5.1, b)no restoration was done to the video, and c)the video would not be anamorphic (look it up, I don't want to take the time to explain it).

Luca$, a hero one minute, was vilified the next.

And so, the struggle continues. Luca$ makes one move, the fans counter with more complaints. Even if said move is apparently made to appease the fans. So why can't anyone get things right?

It is Luca$' fault? People paint an ugly picture of him. Fans seem to envision him sitting on his throne in a castle atop a mountain, thunder in the background, drooling pitbulls at his side, laughing maniacally as he releases another version of the OT on video. While he would obviously have some say in the release of his movies on video, it's hard to imagine every decision as a brainchild of Luca$'s. He has a vast empire, and a family to take care of. To think he's some kind of puppetmaster is absurd. To be fair, Luca$ has brought a lot of it on himself. The almost continuous tweaking of the OT with every home video iteration somewhat debunks his comments about the '97 versions being his "original vision."

Is it the fans? Nothing seems to please the more hardcore ones. They type away at their keyboards, finding new ways to insult Luca$. They say the same movies that they saw in theaters now nearly 30 years ago should be what they're watching on video. And yet despite all these complaints, they buy the products. They play the games. They build upon Star Wars' hype by talking about it endlessly. Do they have a right to speak out? Of course. Do they have the right to criticize Lucas for making changes to films he made? Changes he's wanted to make for years? No, not really. George Lucas once said in an interview, and of course I'm paraphrasing, "Let's say I buy a house and paint it red. Someone walks by and says the house would look much better painted white. That very well may be, but it is my house, and I can do with it what I please."

Sadly, the practices of Lucasfilm (and not necessarily Lucas himself) continue to reinforce the image of moneygrubbing jerks who could care less about the feelings of fans. And the fans just continue to reinforce the stereotype of the nerd, constantly expressing displeasure on some message board on the Internet. I don't think any release of the OT will ever satisfy fans. And if there is one, well..that will be a most interesting day, indeed.

Jokes Courtesy Jerry Seinfeld

Here we are, Labor Day, a national holiday, where most people have off.

But why do people have Labor Day off? With a name like Labor Day, shouldn't everyone be working?

Tonight's Top Story: We're Crybabies

Last Sunday saw the airing of this year's Emmy Awards, the awards show for excellence in television.

Conan O'Brien hosted, and the introduction of the show found him in a plane bound for Los Angeles and the awards. Turbulence hits, and the next thing we know, Conan is emerging on the island from Lost. Over the next five minutes he encounters personalities and situations from The Office, 24, House, South Park, and Dateline NBC.

Pretty funny stuff.

Fox News, however, thought differently.

Tragically, earlier in the day, a plane crash in Kentucky claimed the lives of 49 people. Fox News found the fact that Conan crashed in a plane was in poor taste, and should have been removed from the show.

But was that what Fox News was really upset about?

A reporter on the network complained that at a few points during the show, there were jokes made at Fox News' expense, including calling it "fake news."

OH THE HORROR! THE SHAME OF THE EMMYS!

Someone making fun of someone else on television? I'm shocked. Shocked and appalled.

Honestly, if Fox News is this sensitive about being made fun of, they shouldn't be on the air. Because someone makes fun of them practically on a daily basis. Apparently they don't watch The Daily Show. I didn't watch the Emmys, but I'm told there were only 2,3 jokes made at the expense of Fox News. The Emmys aired on NBC, and host Conan O'Brien dedicated an entire musical number to making fun of NBC. Shouldn't they be pissed?

Granted, the producers of the show could have pulled the bit where Conan was on the plane, shown him emerging on the beach, and they wouldn't have lost much. But honestly, were they really being insensitive here? It's not like they were using tragedy as a launch point for jokes. I didn't see it as, "ha ha! plane crashes are funny!" Sadly there have been several plane accidents and crashes over the past few decades.. does this mean that a television show or movie depicting a plane crash is being "insensitive?"

But again I don't think Fox was upset about the plane bit. They were just ticked about the fact that someone made fun of them. They only used their outrage over the plane bit to give their "story" some sort of "legitimacy."

Funny thing is, by doing a news story about the fact that the Emmys made fun of Fox News, they're just reinforcing the joke about Fox doing fake news. Because a story about being made fun of is not news.

And then they also present the story as if you, the viewer, should be offended by what you've just seen. "See how they just made fun of us, America? Let us rise up!"

Honestly, I'm surprised to see a major network pull something that generally you only see in grade school, or see some kid pull on their parents. "Jenny made fun of me, Dad!"

Grow a backbone, Fox News. Or at least a sense of humor.

It's the End of the World as We Know It

A few nights ago, the network ABC aired a primetime special, which detailed several different ways the world could end, from the death of a star to mass volcano eruptions. It's unusual, since a friend of mine recently became concerned with some type of nuclear disaster.

I've made it clear in the past that I'm not a fan of the scare tactics TV networks use. If I could quote yet another movie, K from Men in Black tells J that the reason people go on living the calm, normal lives that they do is because they don't know about all the aliens there and all the times Earth is threatened with destruction. Bottom line is, you don't want to start a panic or a riot with these disasters. But I suppose that is a discussion for another time.

As far as nuclear disasters are concerned, that's a touchy subject. We don't have the nuclear scares that we used to during the Cold War. But now, Iran and North Korea have been experimenting with nuclear weapons, and people are starting to worry again.

Can a nuclear disaster happen? Yes.

Will a nuclear disaster happen? I'd have to say odds are against it.

Why? Because I think it would take a giant miscalculation on someone's part, or, it would take a truly insane person who doesn't have someone around them saying "what are you, an idiot?"

I'd like to believe that the leaders and countries of the world are too smart to get involved in a nuclear war..or any massive conflict, for that matter. Traditionally speaking, war is fought over territory, or to overthrow/eliminate another party. A smart leader would see that starting a massive conflict would likely end not only in the extermination of the enemy, but of your own people as well. There would be no clear cut winner. Just a bunch of smoldering ruins and radioactive environments that will be unlivable for some time to come.

That's why I said it would take a tremendous mistake or a crazy person for this to happen. If Country X has a computer malfunction and fires missiles at Country Y, then without question Country Y is going to retaliate. I doubt that Country Y is going to call Country X and go "hey, did you mean to fire those missiles at us? You didn't? Oh well that's good. Have a nice day."

And crazy people...well...lots of them in the world. A few of them in charge of a country. Some pretty much rule with an iron fist, so it's doubtful that one of his subordinates would have the guts to speak up should said ruler decide to launch missiles at people.

Politicians, though, seem to do their best to prevent something like that from occurring.

So there's my "optimistic" view. I don't think we're on the brink of nuclear disaster as much as we were 20 years ago. That doesn't mean it won't happen. We have to trust on the competence of our governments, and on the sanity of certain world leaders - which for some can be a tall order indeed.

Cuteness Ploy, aka "Spontaneous Cuteness"

Mocha's a smart cat. She knows shen I have a day off, and when I have to go into work.

While she isn't one of those cats who wants to be petted or held all the time, she does really enjoy being near me.. she likes the company.

So when she knows I have to go into work, she runs into a problem. She knows she'll be alone all day. So, what can she possibly do about it?

The only thing she can - be cute. As I'm sitting there gathering the last of my things to head into work, Mocha will go and perform what I call "spontaneous cuteness." She will rub up against me, roll around on her back, beg for a belly rub...anything she can think of to prevent me from leaving.

Of course she knows that in the end, I still need to leave. But I suppose she feels she has to try. And I admit, I've left later in the day than usual because of these "outbursts." Who could resist?