Mother******* Snakes on a Plane!!

Well, on a dare (yes, that's it), I went to go see Snakes on a Plane, a movie whose overhype has been overhyped.

I don't normally see a movie of this type.. but I needed an afternoon at the movies, and well, I heard this movie was "fun," so I thought I'd give it a go. None of the other movies looked all that fun. What's that? What about that Will Ferrell movie? Ummm....NO.

I won't bore you with the details of the plot..as it has been said 100,000 times before, the title explains it all. The story behind this movie's "cult" status has reached almost legendary proportions.. even CNN had a story on it (They needed 5 minutes to fill while they flew more people to the Middle East I guess). The story about how the movie was PG-13, but fan demand made the filmmakers do re-shoots to push it to an R rating..blah blah...in the end, this probably helped the movie.

The movie is by no means scary (to me, anyway). It's a monster movie, whose goal is to snake a high body count (get it?). This is not like Samuel L. Jackson's other monster movie, Deep Blue Sea, where anyone can die at any time, even the high profile actors. Nope. Snakes is a by-the-books monster movie with all your stereotypical "oooh! me me me! kill me" characters who might as well had had bullseyes painted on their foreheads.

Yep, I bet that couple having naughty sex in the lavatory while smoking a joint will live to find that true love isn't all physical. Hey, look, a snooty British guy who thinks about no one but himself and insults everyone! I bet by the end he'll learn a lesson and become a loving, caring person. And that old woman who got bitten by a snake while saving an infant will be rewarded with a speedy recovery. Right ma'am? Ma'am? Hmmm. Bored stiff, I guess.

So maybe the movie is scary to those people who have snake phobias.....

...which is who the filmmakers probably had in mind when making the movie. They must've read "The Snake Phobic Handbook" or something like that, because every horrible way you can possibly imagine of getting killed by a snake is this movie, each more ridiculous than the next. Nothing and no one is spared, not even cute cuddly pets. Also not spared are people's appendages..yes, even their naughty bits. And I bet you'll always check that air sickness bag on your next flight after seeing this movie! It was so comical, I expected Sam Jackson to try to poke a snake's eyes out with two fingers, only to have a snake block his hand with a forked tongue. When the movie ended I envisioned Porky Pig coming out with his trademark "that's all folks!" while the looney tunes theme played.

Yet in all this, the actors keep a straight face. They know the material is substandard, but they play it to perfection. I had flashbacks to Airplane. I almost wanted to see Robert Stack take command of the flight tower.

In the end, I didn't think I saw a bad movie. And by no means did I see a good movie. No, all I saw was a movie about snakes on a plane. This is what the movie promised, and this is what the movie delivered. You can expect no less. I had fun, it snapped me out of a funk as I laughed my way through it. The older gentleman in the row behind me and several seats down kicked his seat and let forth a girlish "Whoooooooo!" at points. Not even the fact that the dimwit projectionist left the light on in the projection booth spoiled my experience.

So, there you go. Unless you REALLY have to get out, I might save this for a dollar movie or rental. You may want to see what the buzz is about. Or is that hiss?