Your help is needed!

We here at Battle Plan would like to make a request.

If we could all take a time out from the pink hearts, the flower delivery, the greeting card purchases, and make a point out the most desperate plight of those most brave people - the singles.

Yes, February 14 is Singles Awareness Day, a day where we draw attention to the single males and females of the world. Did you know that in the United States, about 27 percent of households are people living alone?

These poor souls need the help of those people who are dating, engaged, or married. Only by following one or more of the suggestions below will single men and women survive the entire day. All you folks in a relationship, donate generously!

• Single people require mass quantities of chocolate for sustenance. During the month of February, chocolate production is in full swing, allowing single people to purchase chocolate in mass quantities for storage during the long weeks before Easter. So please, anyone in a relationship, avoid purchasing chocolate after February 14. Single people will be needing it.
• Those in a relationship who live in apartment buildings, or quiet neighborhoods, please be aware that sound carries. Please move your beds as far away from the walls in preparation for intercourse. Consider playing music or movies so that single neighbors don't have to listen to your mating rituals. (Note: Fantasia, or any kids movie for that matter, is not an acceptable choice for a movie)
• Relationship folks, stick to your normal feeding grounds on February 14, such as your romantic French restaurants - basically any place that has candles on the tables. Single people will be requiring the use of bars, fast food restaurants, and especially doughnut and ice cream places.
• Baby talk and/or holding hands while swinging your arms in public places is not acceptable behavior on February 14. This behavior is likely to incite violence against you by single people.
• If shopping, tip your clerk generously, where applicable. If while standing in line you notice the clerk is unhappy in any way, they are likely single, and were forced to work because all their co-workers in relationships called in sick. Do not show pity to these single people. Single people can sense pity, and are likely to lash out in anger.

These and other tips should ensure a safe and happy Singles Awareness Day. Being single is a growing problem, and with your help, the sponsors behind Singles Awareness Day hope to have the singles affliction wiped out completely by 2012. Want to know more about Singles Awareness Day? Leave a comment and we here at Battle Plan will be happy to help.