Battle Plan

The point of posting

2009-06-07T23:42:00.006-05:00

This blog has been around for about 4 years now, and the number of posts has been quickly diminishing. I believe the last post was a somewhat cryptic and depressing post by my friend (though if you knew him you'd know what it was about, so I digress).

I kept reminding myself, I need to get on and blog. I haven't posted in forever. My last post was a boring and unfunny piece about my gastroparesis diagnosis last year. I need to get back in and do the funny stuff I started out with, and still enjoy going back and reading!

But I just haven't been able to do it. I'll start a post, do maybe two or three paragraphs, and stop. Sometimes the ideas run dry, sometimes I realize I can't make a long post about something I started. Sometimes I just lost interest and wondered what the point was - who'd be reading it anyway?

So, I started making up excuses. I was too busy at work, I'd say (yet I had 3 day weekends). I need time to come up with some ideas (what am I, a novelist?). I have other things on my mind (I don't have a girlfriend at the moment, what could possibly be distracting me?).

As an aside I turned to social networking. I started off with Myspace, which was interesting for about 5 minutes. I'd get excited that people wanted to add me as friends, only for me to discover that they were either Nigerian scam artists, or just people who wanted to bump up their friends count. I can't really seem to grasp the concept of Twitter, which I signed up for after a friend sent me an invite. 140 character post limit? "Today I worked, came home, and watched TV." Riveting.

So I've been spending most of my time on Facebook. It's interesting in that I've got several people on my friends list that I have not talked to in awhile. I figured, hey, this will be cool - we don't have to e-mail as much, I'll make new friends, and can do like a little mini-blog! Well, I still don't communicate that much with friends I used to e-mail alot, my delusion that my account would be like a personals ad and get me interested females was broken, and as far as mini-blogging - I barely sign on to it these days even to make a "what are you doing right now" post.

So the cycle continues - making up excuses for why I'm not getting onto Facebook to do stuff. And really, there are no excuses, I just haven't been going. I don't know why. I guess I'm just not getting the point right now. Maybe it's a really really long writer's block. Maybe I've gotten so jaded over the last few years that I just don't care about "networking" or expressing my ideas. Who knows. Maybe I will come back to this blog in force. Maybe I'll make daily posts on Facebook. Maybe this is the start of it all.

I guess I just don't have a point, which happens to be the point.

The End of an Era

2009-02-04T22:14:00.002-06:00

There was no grand ceremony, no honor guard, and certainly no formal closure. It just happened. Prophets and psychics couldn't have predicted the timing of the end of a major era in my life. I had a feeling that it would come someday, but I admit I was blindsided by the news. The news was a deathblow to a long, miserable, and educational time in my life.

For most of my childhood I was in a war to cheat the Grim Reaper out of a youthful prize. Thanks to God, family, and brilliant doctors the war was won. I went to school and I met other kids in my class, but I was socially awkward. The older I got, the more I learned how to be social (I learned very slowly). Most of my lessons came from negative experiences, which mainly consisted of "what not to do" scenarios. Some may think this way of learning life's lessons is natural, but I think it's perverse and sad. For me, the main rub of this now dead era was: no matter whom I hung out with, the same negative experiences kept happening to me. If my negative experiences stemmed from one person, there would've been an easy solution to the problem. Granted, it wasn't all doom and gloom. I met people with unique personalities which helped me realize what I valued in a person. As perverse as it sounds, my negative experiences made me a stronger person (sadly not physically). I am glad that I learned these hard lessons at a young age. I just wish there was no need to learn any hard lessons at all.

If this dead era is so bad, then why am I mourning its loss? I mourn the loss because I look back and see what I could have done to make things better for me and others. Honestly, I look back and cringe at the stuff I didn't do. I will mourn for this loss, but as with all mourning I must move on. I've heard it said that "life is all about change", I don't know who said it, but they are right. The scary thing is: where does this change lead to?

What I feared has come upon me; what I dreaded has happened to me. Job 3:25

My $250 breakfast, or, Fun with the U.S. Healthcare System

2008-10-18T23:00:00.000-05:00

Among the big “talking points” in the upcoming Presidential election (other than the economy, of course) is health care. Let’s face it – many Americans just aren’t that thrilled with the health care system. Sure, we have extremely skilled doctors and nurses – if you can afford them. Getting sick in the United States is expensive.

I have never really had a problem with the health care system. But then, for awhile I was being covered by my parents’ government health insurance, and after that, I never really got sick or injured. I never experienced why so many people had issues with the health care system.

In late April/early May, I began to experience stomach problems. While not painful, the symptoms were bad enough to cause nearly constant discomfort. Only lying down caused some relief. I decided to see my general practioner, someone who never really steered me wrong in the past. She took some blood, took an x-ray, and was honest enough to tell me that I could have any number of problems. Thus began my odyssey.

First up was a Colon specialist. After a brief examination and questionnaire, the doctor promptly scheduled me for some tests at the nearby hospital. One was a simple Ultrasound to check for gallstones and the like. The other not so simple – a test involving ingesting a large amount of liquid containing Barium, so that the doctors can “watch” you digest it. The purpose behind this is so that they can check for blockages in your digestive system.

Some time passed, and I hadn’t heard anything. It was like pulling teeth, but I finally reached the doctor to get my results. The tests came back “normal” so the doctor quickly washed his hands of me. I had to go see another specialist, a Gastroenterologist.

To make things extra fun, the company I work for switched medical insurance companies on us in the middle of all this. I went into the Gastroenterologist with a brand new insurance company. I spent several months dealing with the specific Gastroenterologist, who eventually came to dislike a lot. He was inattentive when I first went to see him. I spent all of about 5 minutes talking to him, the rest of the time was spent dealing with his nurse practitioner. The entire time he did not directly answer my questions, and while I was talking all he did was say “Mmmhmm. Mmmhmm.” (This to the point where I could probably tell him I was an alien from Pluto and still get the “mmmhmm” response). His strategy? Some blood tests, a couple of procedures, and, the most fun of all, a stool sample. Let me just say, getting a stool sample for this guy was probably one of my most unpleasant experiences.

He scheduled me for an EGD and a Colonoscopy – simply put, they stick a tube with a camera at the end of it through your digestive system so they can look at certain things. The EGD goes in from the top, the Colonoscopy from the bottom. They scheduled the procedures for consecutive days. It was when the time came for the first procedure when I began my dislike for this doctor. With little advance warning, he cancelled the first procedure for “personal reasons.” The office called and told me. Problem is, they didn’t bother to tell the hospital. They were quite surprised when they called to go over a few things with me, only to have me tell them that the procedure got cancelled. I still took the other procedure the next day, and the guy showed up half an hour late. He didn't bother to stick around afterward - the nurses at the hospital gave me my discharge information.

I had a follow up the next week with the doctor, who still had his "I really don't want to be bothered spending too much time with you" attitude. I still didn't feel better, so they scheduled me for the procedure that they had cancelled earlier. Oh, and they ordered more blood tests.

The fun continued when I started receiving some bills, which were a lot higher than I expected. I curiously checked my new insurance company's website, only to find that they declined to pay many of my charges because, apparently, my coverage had expired. I called them up and explained the situation, which was a somewhat humorous situation. The representative's response went somewhat like this: "Yes, I see that the claims were denied because your coverage expired.....oh...but I see that your coverage started on the 1st." Had I owned a bell I certainly would have rang it for him. They said they would reassess the claims, which they did - after I had to make several calls reminding them.

By the time that was all sorted out, It was time for my next procedure. I was still uncomfortable almost constantly. The next procedure went almost the same as the first, with the doctor really just there to "do his thing" and let other people deal with the aftermath. When I went in for my follow up, it was quite surprising - the doctor asked me how I felt. As if somehow, in the week between the procedure and my follow up, I had magically healed. When I told him there was no improvement, he seemed almost shocked. He pushed some pills on me and pushed me out the door.

I took the pills for about a month, and they offered absolutely no relief. I headed in for another follow up. I was ushered into the examination room, where I waited for 45 minutes. When he finally showed up he offered no apology. He also didn't seem to give a damn when I told him I was not improved, and I really wanted to find a way to get better. He didn't offer one. He just wanted to run more tests. I'd had enough.

I got a referral for another Gastroenterologist. He was a vast improvement over the previous doctor. He flat out dismissed my last doctor's appraisal, and told me he had a good idea what it was. The downside? Another test.

The final test I had to run was a $250 breakfast. I arrived at the hospital and was offered scrambled eggs, toast, and juice that had a radioactive material in them (a different one this time). In this test, called a Gastric Emptying test, they were wanting to watch how quickly food left my stomach. I ate the irradiated food and sat on an extremely uncomfortable table for an hour and a half, instructed not to move.

I was called days later and told the test came back normal, but I guess they had another look at it, because a few days after that they called me and said that they noticed the food did not digest as quickly as it should, a condition called Gastroparesis. I got more drugs, and I will be following up with the doctor at the end of the month.

So, 5 months later, I am for the most part feeling better thanks to the new medication. There are still some bad days, but its not constant like it once was.

Also, 5 months later, I face a slew of medical bills. I will be paying off the several doctors visits, lab tests, and procedures for a long time. All I can say is that I am thankful I did not have something seriously wrong with me, because if I did, the 5 months it took to diagnose me may have been too late. I can see now why people just hate the health care system. Doctors that don't tell you anything, doctors that are jerks, test after test after test...and of course, the costs. For two of the procedures, I had to have anesthesia. I had to be put under 20 minutes for one, and about 40 minutes for the other. The cost of the anesthesia, before insurance stepped in and paid its cut, was $600. Yep, $600 for the near-equivalent of taking a nap. I feel for the families with long term illnesses, as its doubtful they will see a debt-free life soon or at all.

My beloved home of ranting, this blog, has suffered. My personal life has suffered. So, come on, Obama. Come on, McCain. When you're elected, get to work on that health care system. Quit wasting money on Congressional hearings for steroids in professional sports. It's time for the American people to start trusting their physicians again. If for nothing else, than to prevent long, boring, ranting stories like this one.

Sunday Chicken

2008-09-30T22:30:00.004-05:00

This is a recipe I stole errr umm got from my sister. I usually don't do crock pot recipes but this one is worth it. It's easy and quick, ok not quick, but as Alton Brown would say "Your patience will be rewarded."

5 Chicken Breasts (boneless & skinless)

2 cans of cream of mushroom soup (I usually prefer the low salt and fat variety)

1 envelope of dry Italian dressing mix

1 package of cream cheese (low fat)

Line outer edge of crock pot with chicken breasts, and put cream of mushroom soup in the middle. Break up the cream cheese into about 8 pieces and place them on the soup. Sprinkle Italian dressing mix over all the ingredients. Cook on high for 3 hours or low for 6 hours. I usually enjoy this dish on a bed of white rice, but I think brown rice would do as well. Enjoy.

The Plan

2008-06-30T21:14:00.002-05:00

Plans, they're everywhere; a person in this day and age cannot competently complete a task without some sort of plan. Military leaders have a plan to assist them in preparing for an upcoming battle. Politicians use a plan to gain a victory over their opponents. Villains (real or fictional) also employ a plan to gain victory over their opponents. Whatever the purpose, a plan can be devised to fit one's needs. Of course, like most things in life, plans are not fool proof, and one in particular fits in this category. The plan I am referring to is the "life plan." Unfortunately, this plan is not tangible, but result of my observations of what people expect of themselves and others. This expectation is especially strong among people in their 20's and early 30's. Let me take a moment to sketch out what this plan might look like. It may look like something like this: Survive school through your senior year. Go to a college and or a university, while there you eventually start a serious dating relationship. The relationship gets stronger and the question is popped. Marriage occurs near or after college graduation. You start your career and with your new paycheck, you make some big investments (a house and car). Years pass, and eventually you become a parent, thus quieting the endless nagging of your parents on becoming grandparents.

I could go on, but this the part of the "life plan" I am most concerned with. I have accomplished some of the stuff that I have listed, but most of it I haven't. I haven't met someone I can seriously date, and I haven't started my career. I also haven't purchased a house or a car. I can honestly say these shortcomings wouldn't bug me so much if these expectations were not imbedded in society. Surprisingly, my family is not so pushy. One would expect that one's family to most vocal about this, but not so in my family (much to my relief). I usually get reminded of my shortcomings from friends and acquaintances. The reminders usually come up in small talk. Comments like: "When are you going to find some nice gal to go out with?" or "Oh yeah, my friend is 25 and he has a wonderful wife and two children." I usually respond by nodding or smiling, but my brain starts to scream with "what if scenarios." The only way I can calm my brain is by consuming chocolate and caffeine.

For me it's about pressure and expectations. I know I am not the only one who is in the same situation. I have a friend at work (it's true I have a friend at work) whose life did not follow the "life plan." This may sound twisted, but I take some comfort in that. It is nice to know that I can talk to someone about it and gain some perspective. I would be a liar if I said that I don't feel envy towards people that have achieved much if not all the expectations that society has placed on us young adults.

I often find myself daydreaming of what it would be like if my life took a different path, but deep down I know it's useless. What can I do? I wish I had a clever, simple, and poignant solution. Sadly, I do not. I guess all I can do is take things one day at a time and ignore the expectations of others.

The flavor of life

2008-06-01T10:00:00.000-05:00

Where would we be without artificial flavorings? Well, a large percentage of items we find in grocery stores wouldn't be there, that's for sure. Ice cream, sodas, cookies, frozen dinners - all use artificial flavorings in one form or another.

Many ingredients can be expensive, hard to find, or seasonal - maybe even all three. Ever try to buy blueberries in the winter months? So, it makes sense to have those cheap artificial flavorings around to add to the product. To make those flavorings, there are special chemists out there called flavorists. Not only can they make those artificial flavors, they can tailor them to fit with existing products. It's not enough to add cherry flavoring to that can of Coke - it has to have the same shelf life as regular coke, and not mess with the special formula. So, again, artificial flavorings make sense for the most part.

Notice I say "for the most part." Because there are products out there using artificial flavoring that have no business using artificial flavoring, at least in my opinion. Take dried fruits, for example. I'm sure many people have seen or tasted Craisins, the dried cranberry snacks. I guess "plain" Craisins weren't enough, because the company went out and added artificial flavorings to the Craisins, to make Craisins taste like other things. I've seen orange-flavored and cherry-flavored Craisins in stores. Even more bizarre in the dried fruits section were mango-flavored dried pineapple. Huh??

So I'm buying fruit thats been made to taste like other fruit? I might as well make a cherry pie, slap some apple butter on top, and call it an apple-flavored cherry pie. I just find it truly strange. I suppose the only way it makes sense to me is if someone were needing a substitute for something else. But that only works for the cherry-flavored Craisins. Dried cherries can be hard to find, and are probably more expensive than a bag of cherry-flavored Craisins. But what do I need orange-flavored Craisins for? Or mango-flavored pineapple? Because I can't find dried mangos? I guess I could close my eyes and pretend the mango-flavored pineapple is really a dried mango.

But I suppose I'm making a big deal. After all, most fruit juices you can buy are the same way. Chances are the cranberry strawberry drink you're buying isn't really just cranberry and strawberry juice. More than likely they're mixing a bunch of different juices together to make it taste like cranberries and strawberries. And all the other products in a grocery store have artificial something or other. It's just that I don't see them using artificial additives to make something look like something else - until I see a can of orange-flavored spinach. Kids will have fun eating their spinach now!

Coconut Rice

2008-03-29T17:00:00.000-05:00

I forget where I stumbled across this recipe, so I can't give the proper credit. But it's pretty darn good. It's a nice change of pace from other rice dishes. It's creamy, and slightly sweet - not quite a rice pudding, not quite a risotto. I find it goes well with fish or any kind of tropical-themed dish.

The Dish:Coconut Rice.
The Ingredients:
1 can of coconut milk (unsweetened)
1 1/4 cups water
1 1/2 cups jasmine rice
1 teaspoon sugar
Pinch salt
The directions:
Rinse off the rice to remove the dust off of it. I like to do this by putting the rice in a fine mesh strainer, dipping the bottom half of the strainer in a bowl of water, and then running my hands through the rice to wash it off.

Place the coconut milk, sugar, salt, and water in a pot and bring to a boil, stirring occasionally and making sure the sugar is dissolved. Add the rice and drop the heat. Cover and simmer until the rice is cooked through. You may want to stir the rice occasionally.

Salmon Loaf

2008-03-03T18:53:00.001-06:00

3 flat cans skinless & boneless salmon (7 or 8 oz cans) *** DO NOT drain or discard liquid

About 1 and 1/2 pieces of white bread, including crust, torn into small pieces

2 eggs, slightly beaten with a fork

2 Tbsp minced parsley, if you have it

1/2 tsp salt

1/8 tsp pepper

In large bowl, mix all ingredients. Include the 'juice' from the salmon cans. Flake salmon and blend well. Pack evenly into greased 8 x 4 inch loaf pan. Set in pan containing about 1 inch of hot water. Bake at 375 degrees for 45 to 50 minutes.

For Dill Sauce, mix sour cream (low fat is ok) and dried dill weed. Heat and stir over very low heat on range top just until warm. If it gets too hot, it will separate. I just guess at quantities. For one meal, maybe 1/3 cup sour cream. Add about 1 tsp dill, stir, and add more if it looks like it needs more. As you-know-who says, just eyeball it.

Vomit Bags May Be Required

2008-02-03T15:30:00.000-06:00

In 1999, a film called The Blair Witch Project hit theaters. It was extremely low-budget for a feature film - $22,000. The film was shot under the guise of three students videotaping a project about the Blair Witch (get it? Blair Witch Project?) Because of this, the film was shot with a hand-held camera. It was shaky. It was crude. There were shots that would tilt and zoom suddenly. Viewers began to suffer motion sickness as a result. In fact, it got so bad, that some theaters actually required their employees to hand out motion sickness bags to customers seeing the movie.

Since then, the hand-held camera, or “shaky-cam” as it is sometimes lovingly referred to, has appeared several more times in cinemas.

To some extent, I can completely understand the usage of a hand-held camera, at least from a creative standpoint. Blair Witch was trying to achieve the illusion that you are watching an amateur video shot by a bunch of kids. The recent movie Cloverfield is also along those lines – you’re supposed to be watching amateur video shot by innocent bystanders (I’ll get back to that movie in a bit). So as a creative tool, it works.

However, when the hand-held camera is used in other ways, not intended to be “gimmicks,” that’s when I shake my head. Probably two of the most high-profile examples of this are the second and third films in the Jason Bourne series, Bourne Supremacy and Bourne Ultimatum. Both of these movies use a hand-held camera exclusively – and we’re not just talking about action scenes. No, we are subjected to the hand-held camera in every scene, even the ones where characters are just standing around talking. People are standing there having a conversation and the camera jitters around like high winds are blowing. What, exactly is this supposed to accomplish? I think I recall reading or hearing somewhere that director Paul Greengrass shot the movies this way because the shaky-cam is supposed to represent Bourne’s world. Bourne has no memory of his past life, so everything’s topsy-turvy.

Using a hand-held camera in an action sequence seems like a good idea. Directors want to give you a “you are there” feeling. Unfortunately for many, it produces a “you are sick” feeling. Steven Spielberg used a hand-held camera to good effect in Saving Private Ryan, for example, during the Normandy Beach invasion. He wanted to put you in the middle of what very likely seemed like Hell. And even though he is using a hand-held camera, you still get a good sense of what is going on. Everything is in perfect view. Action sequences in films like Bourne, however, have no sense of direction. Take the car chase in Supremacy, for example. The sequence of events goes somewhat like this:

An outside shot of the cars driving.

A shot of Bourne, looking up at his head from what appears to be underneath the steering wheel. He looks behind him and sees…

A shot of the enemy driver from outside the car, looking through the windshield.

Jump cut back to Bourne from underneath the steering wheel.

Jump cut to a close-up shot of Bourne changing gears.

Jump cut to outside Bourne’s car.

Jump cut to outside the enemy driver’s car.

Jump cut to underneath Bourne again.

Jump cut to a side shot of Bourne steering.

Jump cut to a close-up shot of Bourne stepping on the accelerator.

And so on and so forth. I’ve watched the sequence a few times now, and I have an incredibly hard time finding out who exactly I am watching doing what. I caught the film one time in HD on TNT and felt queasy. Then of course there is a fistfight earlier in the movie, where both characters are wearing the exact same color, so when the camera is tumbling around like its caught in a dryer, its extremely difficult to know who exactly is winning the fight. Mission: Impossible III was shot in very much the same way. A helicopter sequence made me very much want some Dramamine. I just don’t get why someone would want to shoot a movie this way. Does seeing a perfectly-framed shot of two people fighting put me “right in the action?” No, it doesn’t. But at least I know who is winning the fight.

This brings me to Cloverfield, the most recent high-profile film to use the shaky-cam. I’ve seen photos of the warning signs theaters have now had to put up because of this movie. Basically these signs go something to the effect of “hey, this movie is essentially a roller-coaster simulator. If you vomit on roller coasters, it may not be a good idea for you to watch this movie.” I went into the movie knowing that the camera work may be like this, so I sat well towards the back. Had I been sitting towards the front – heck, if I had a snack of any kind sitting anywhere in the theater – I may very well have felt queasy. The camera work did take me “out of the moment” on several occasions. The “cameraman” had an uncanny ability to put EVERYTHING in-frame. “Oh look, monsters are attacking my friend; let me get it in perfect focus!” “Oh look, the giant monster is striding over my head; let me zoom in on the monster rather than GET OUT OF THE WAY.” But as I’ve stated, the camera work didn’t bother me too much, because it actually made sense.

So, I remind you, shaky-cam directors, that items like the steady-cam, the tripod, and dollies are used in filmmaking for a reason. Viewers want to know what is going on. But if you insist on using a hand-held camera, do people a favor and clearly advertise the fact. I’m sure movie theater employees are tired of mopping their floors.

Adventures at the Book Store (or, Stereotypes Aplenty)

2008-02-02T16:11:00.000-06:00

The following story is based on actual events. Only names and places have been changed. Material is not meant to offend anyone, so apologies in advance.

Wayne Walker pulled up to the Narnes and Boble, there to look for any new books that may pique his interest. He had been up since 3:30 AM, and had just worked 10 hours, but he wasn't all that tired. He was hoping to quietly stroll through the store and maybe find a book to keep him occupied during the early hours at work; little did he know what stereotypes lurked inside.

Wayne wasn't a big fan of stereotypes. He lived in Texas for quite some time, and constantly tried to change people's views of the "stereotypical" Texan. He felt that stereotypes were just material for comedians, sitcoms, and movies. "Oh, here comes the dumb blonde! Followed by the snooty British guy!" Wayne shook his head and it all.

Wayne had decided to use the "side" door, as about six people decided to use the main door - all at once, and they all seemed to want to go a different direction and use a different door. The side door actually led directly to the in-store coffee bar. Wayne felt as if he'd walked onto a sitcom set. There were students there doing homework. There were upper-class folks with three shopping bags for each hand. There were people giving coffee orders so specific that it took them several minutes just to finish.

He quickly moved past the coffee bar and back towards the books, then started his browsing in the cookbook section. As Wayne glanced over the covers, a peculiar yet distinct "blap" sounded behind him. He turned to see an overweight woman of perhaps 300 pounds. She was eating a candy bar, and was aimlessly walking through the aisles. She loudly broke wind every two minutes or so. She passed through the science fiction section, broke wind again, and Wayne faintly smelled a foul odor. "Is this woman for real," Wayne thought, "or am I on some movie set?" As the odor grew stronger, Wayne decided to avoid the science fiction section for now and headed in the opposite direction, away from the walking "overweight person stereotype."

He came across the graphic novel section - two teenage boys were sprawled across the aisle, graphic novels everywhere. They simply did not care about anyone else who may have wanted to browse the books. Thinking he might be dreaming, Wayne pinched himself - no, he was awake alright.

"I know," Wayne thought to himself, "I'll go to the history section. There's hardly anyone ever there." He headed towards the history section, past the person with their cell phone stuck to their ear, around the grown man blocking another aisle. He turned into the history section - only to find two teenage girls there, talking so quickly and so incoherently that Wayne thought they must be speaking some foreign language.

Wayne gave up. He couldn't take the massive group of stereotypes who somehow found their way into the bookstore. He stopped by the restroom first, and even there he was not safe from the stereotypes. He passed a man who did not bother to flush the toilet, or wash his hands. Wayne glanced over into the stall, where someone had abandoned some magazines they felt they needed to tote into the bathroom while they did their business. After washing up, Wayne left the store, and vacated his parking spot right in front of the store to someone who wanted the spot so bad, they had stopped, turned on their turn signal, and held up 5 other cars.

There would be no television or movies any time soon for Wayne - he decided he'd had enough people portraying stereotypes. He went home, played with his cat, and took his bicycle out for a spin.

Pictures good enough to eat!

2008-01-27T15:30:00.000-06:00

I'm not usually one to take pictures of food, but the dishes I prepared this past Friday night were just so "pretty" I had to share them. Well - the pictures of them, anyway.

The first is a chicken pot pie, called "Just Chicken Pie" and it is aptly named. There are few veggies present. It was quite tasty, though I had to add a few spices. I got the recipe from a cookbook my sister bought me. Thanks, sis!

The second is a "Blueberry Buckle," courtesy Alton Brown. You can find the recipe right here (though I think mine was prettier).

Cooking show sellouts

2008-01-26T10:55:00.000-06:00

I seem to remember a time when "celebrity chefs" were few and far between. Julia Child was probably the most well-known, but, who else could you possibly see appear on a television program, and go "I know who that is!!"

Enter the Food Network in 1993. Three of the network's earliest stars were Mario Batali, Bobby Flay, and a guy named Emeril Lagasse. Soon, "celebrity chefs" were everywhere. Everywhere as in, now I can't go to a grocery store without seeing some chef's face on products.

Emeril himself has several restaurants and books. He had two cooking shows on Food Network (Emeril Live was recently cancelled for some odd reason). He appears in commercials for Crest toothpaste, and Louisiana tourism. And for reasons I still don't fully understand, he had a short-lived sitcom on NBC. Go to a cooking store, and you're likely to find his own line of cookware. Grocery stores carry pasta sauces, marinades, salsas, and spices with his face and name. Until recently, I'd say Emeril was the highest-profile chef out there.....

...until Rachael Ray came along. Her show 30 Minute Meals is a good one, showing you how to make a full meal in little time. Fans will probably say they're attracted to her "bubbly" personality. For awhile, you could only see her on her show, and on her books (based on the show). Not too long ago, she started her own self-titled syndicated talk show, and now she's EVERYwhere. She has her own magazine now. She's got her own line of cookware (I gotta say, Rachael, I'm not a fan of the cookware - too gaudy). She loves cooking with Extra Virgin Olive Oil (EVOO) so much, that now she's got her own brand of THAT. Endorsements? Let's see...Burger King, Nabisco Crackers, and Dunkin' Donuts, among others. Apparently she's got her own sheet and blanket line now. If you go to a grocery store, you're bound to see her face somewhere.

Mario Batali is branching out (he too, has his own cookware). Giada De Laurentiis, with her enormous mouth which I fear could bite my head off, is starting to appear more places now. I got a Crate & Barrel catalog in my mail the other day, guess who appeared on the cover?

Do I hate these chefs for all these products and endorsements? Of course not. Several of them didn't even start off on television, they opened/ran restaurants, which can be an expensive business. Why not use your celebrity to make some of that money back? (Though Rachael doesn't seem to need the money - her family has owned several restaurants)

My problem is, for many of them, it's not completely about the food anymore. I admit several Food Network personalities really got me into cooking (though to be perfectly fair, it was my Mother who did the most inspiration). But now I'm being put off by some of their antics. I see shows like Hell's Kitchen and think "wow, that really takes the fun out of cooking." I see chef's faces on products at the store, like so many sports stars that irritate me, and it turns me off. You'd think that an accomplished chef would be against endorsing a prepackaged product. After all, isn't that what cooking is about? Making your own food using fresh ingredients? And it certainly boggles the mind endorsing something like Dunkin' Donuts.

Would I take cooking classes? Sure, I'd like to some day. Would I use it to become a chef? Probably not. I like cooking, and I'd use the classes to cook for myself and my family. I don't want to use my training to sell frying pans.

Bad Product Names (If Misread)

2008-01-25T12:40:00.001-06:00

"La Mer."

Seriously, I had to read the package a couple of times before I realized it was two words..

Respect THIS

2008-01-21T11:00:00.000-06:00

Someone once said, "Respect your elders."

That someone apparently wasn't nearly hit by an elderly driver in a store parking lot in full view of several witnesses, all of whom denounced the elderly driver's actions.

Just like I was. In clear view of the driver. I had to jump out of the way, by the way.

You have to give respect in order to earn respect.

Take that, Jack Thompson!

2008-01-19T11:55:00.000-06:00

Gamer uses virtual training to save lives

The USPS: We Just Don't Care Anymore!

2008-01-19T09:00:00.000-06:00

As I touched upon not too long ago, when you work in a customer service job, there are two ways you can respond to constant negative criticism from customers. You can overcome the negativity and become better for it; or, you can adopt an "I'll get them before they get me" attitude. I'd have to say that the United States Postal Service has adopted the latter. ALL of the United States Postal Service.

How did I come to this conclusion? Personal experience. I ventured to the post office for the first time in a long time a few weeks back. The day after Christmas, I received a "pink slip" from the USPS - one of those tiny pink pieces of paper that they leave you to say that you have a package. In my experience as a long-time apartment dweller, the USPS will generally leave the package with the leasing office. This time around, however, my pink slip said my package was at the post office. It was late afternoon, but the post office was only about 5 minutes away, so off I went.

I stood in line awhile before realizing they had a "package pickup" door, complete with "doorbell." (On a side note, I got a real "Wizard of Oz" feeling from this door, almost as if someone with a top hat was going to peek through, saying "No one sees the wizard, no way, no how!") I rang the bell and handed the man my slip. He glanced over it and declared that they didn't have my package, because the mailperson was still out delivering mail - the package would be available tomorrow. I thought to myself "they might have written that info down on the slip and saved me a trip," but shrugged it off, as it took minimal effort to get there, and was in no hurry to get my package (my birthday being 2 days away). I left, with plans to come back the next day.

And so I returned the next day, and spoke with the same man I did the previous day. He looked for my package, and informed me again that they didn't have my package. His excuse? "The carrier probably made a mistake," he said, "he probably meant to say that the package was at your leasing office." It was annoying, but made some sense. I ran some errands and returned to my leasing office. They didn't have my package.

So again I returned to the post office, this time dealing with a different person. She looked for my package, and for the third time I was denied. She made a pledge to talk to the carrier to help find the package, and took down my phone number so they could call me. I was again annoyed, but it was a fair enough proposal. So I left.

Then January 2 rolled around. 3 regular mail days had passed, and I had not heard anything from the post office. I visited a packed post office that morning, only to angrily turn away when I was told no one was manning the package pickup office. When I returned I dealt with a "pleasant" young woman (Note the parenthesis around pleasant). By this time I was quite perplexed at the total lack of anything resembling organization or customer care. I didn't want to deal with a rude person. And yet, there she was, right on cue. The woman seemed annoyed to even have to deal with ANY person - she took my slip with a frustrated look.

I explained to her the situation, and that I had not heard back from the carrier. She turned away to go to the back, mentioning in an annoyed manner that "the carrier was on vacation, that's why you didn't hear back." Yep, she couldn't even say this to my face, and - how the heck was I supposed to know the carrier was on vacation??! She returned empty handed. She then turned on the excuse machine, bringing up ideas like "maybe he left it on your doorstep and someone took it." She went to great lengths to point out the fact that my package was not insured, as if to say, "sure, we lost it, but it's not insured, so we're not liable." All the while I gave her the "you're full of it" look, and she informed me they'd be talking to the carrier soon. I turned away and said in a loud voice, "yeah I'm sure I'll be hearing from you REAL soon." All I got back was an annoyed grunt. As I left, I was walking beside another visitor who told me, "I wish I could be paid a lot of money to stand around all day and be incompetent." Wonder if he dealt with the same woman I did.

The next day, on a complete whim, I checked with the leasing office again. The package had miraculously shown up, with no notification to me whatsoever. I happily took the package, glad I could wash my hands of the USPS.

Any other company in a similar situation would have made some slight effort to help the situation. With most organizations you can generally ask for some kind of manager or supervisor, and plead your case. You may not get helped in the end, but with most competent organizations, they'll at least make an effort. They want to keep your business. Not so apparently, with the USPS. They won't lose a heck of a lot of business if you send your package via FedEx or UPS - because in the end, the standard mail is going to be handled through them. They get the money from those stamps. And if you complain to a "manager," they probably won't care.

And so, another situation comes along where someone or something doesn't care about courtesy. It's a frightening trend. The USPS doesn't care anymore. The USPS represents our government. A disturbing prospect.

Odds, Ends, and things in-between

2008-01-18T22:45:00.000-06:00

Well, here we are, over one month removed from the last post here. Where have I been? Mainly moving, and working odd hours. Up until about a week ago I had been working back-to-back overnight shifts, 12 hours from Friday night to Saturday morning, and then again Saturday night to Sunday morning. I’m sure that’s nothing to certain people (doctors, for example), but I’m just not used to it. I got started on a few posts, but couldn’t finish them due to my brain just going bye-bye for the night.

My Mom said everyone should move every 3-4 years, and I tend to agree with her. The reason behind this is that it gives you an excuse to clean up and get rid of some of the junk that has accumulated over time. I had things in the storage closet outside that I had no reason to keep around, such as empty boxes from products I’ve purchased. I had a few empty cardboard boxes from the last time I moved – complete with newspaper that I used. I had receipts from purchases I made a decade ago. Why? I’m sure I couldn’t tell you. But I can tell you I spent several hours shredding the receipts (Word to the wise: spend money on a good shredder. I had to stop several times because my cheap-o shredder kept getting stuck).

The amount of money I spent moving was crazy. Not with the move itself, but with the fees involved – everyone loves to charge you something. There are the moving fees that the cable company charge, that the fees that the electric company charge – not to mention the usual fees when you live in an apartment – pet deposit, security deposit, registration fees, etc. Luckily the Internet makes this process rather painless. Also, if you think those “move for free” services are scams, well; I had a rather nice experience with them. Yes, they’ll tack on silly little fees such as if you’re moving from a second floor to a third floor apartment (I was), but these guys were fast and efficient. I must’ve spent several weeks packing – the movers packed all my boxes and furniture, drove to the new place, and then unpacked all my boxes and furniture in the span of about 90 minutes to 2 hours. Not bad!

Local delivery restaurants – I’ll expand upon this in another post. I just think its silly the fact that the new local delivery restaurants basically have the same menus as the ones where I used to live!

On cheaters and alleged cheaters – 2007 saw several sports records matched or broken. Sadly, the people and/or teams involved with these records have been involved with cheating, either admitted or alleged. New England Patriots – first 16-0 season in the NFL (though not the first undefeated season). They admitted to videotaping other teams play calling signals in order to get an edge. The all-time home run record in baseball was broken by Barry Bonds, who has been linked to steroid use, and is now being investigated for lying to a Federal jury. Then there’s all the other sports controversies – Michael Vick and his dog fighting, the Mitchell report (Google it), and others. These people and teams are making millions of dollars and are pulling this crap. Meanwhile, ER doctors, firefighters, teachers, military personnel risking their lives overseas – these people usually only make enough money to get by. If one of them was involved in dog fighting, they would go away for a long time. Someone like Michael Vick? His 22-month or so sentence will probably be cut in half since he has the money to work the system. Geez.

On yelling advice to random strangers: this is just a bad idea. I went out shopping the other day, and while driving through the parking lot, almost hit someone who was backing out. They simply weren’t looking where they were going. I screeched to a halt, stopped, and backed up so the person could leave. They didn’t – they just sat there. Finally, I drove around them and parked nearby. I shook my head as I got out of the car – annoyed at another careless driver. “Oh well,” I thought, as I turned and headed towards the store. “Calm down!!! It’s not the end of the world!” This I heard yelled by the driver of the other vehicle as they drove away. I certainly wasn’t angry as the other driver seemed to think I was. What if I were unbalanced? What if I were a criminal? There’s always that horrible chance that someone telling me my business would cause me to lose it. In my experience, giving advice to a stranger doesn’t end well, especially when it’s advice they probably don’t want to hear. Telling an angry/sad person to cheer up, or similar advice, usually doesn’t sit well with the other person. Not that I’m against giving advice (heck, I do it all the time here), it’s just that in this day and age, you never know how a person is going to react. Stick to giving it to people you know (and most people reading this are people I know).

On me, posting on this blog: I hope to produce more. Even if it’s a “this is what happened to me today” post, I hope that you’ll be hearing more from me in the future.

Signs I never thought I'd see on the side of the road

2007-12-01T15:35:00.000-06:00

"Free Pole Dancing Lessons"

How Long Was I Asleep??!

2007-10-30T18:30:00.000-05:00

I was at the local mall today, passing the time while my car's oil was changed. While I passed by unappetizing food stores, and avoided overeager salesmen (and apparently hurting their feelings in the process), I ended up where I always do, the bookstore. As I was browsing through the stacks, I almost did a double take when I heard what was playing on the store's speakers.

Frank Sinatra was belting out "Jingle Bells." What followed were a number of other similar songs - they were playing a Christmas album! I'm sure all readers are aware of the signs of Christmas that I revealed last year. Right around this time, Christmas decorations appear everywhere, and the mall certainly followed this rule. But the bookstore I guess decided to skip nearly a month and a half, and start exclusively playing Christmas music!

Why I am I listening to Christmas music when it's October, sunny, and 77 degrees outside? I had to check the date on my phone to make sure I wasn't hallucinating. Yep - October 30. I was forced to leave because well, I'm not quite in the Christmas spirit yet. Later on in the day a local electronics store reminded me how many shopping days we all had until Christmas.

Sigh - I may just have to amend my signs of Christmas this year. Maybe seeing all the Christmas decorations on November 1 will inspire me.

Oh yes, there will be sequels

2007-10-29T19:30:00.000-05:00

Why, why why??! Why do you do it people? Why do you go out and help Saw IV earn $32 million??! You realize that this is only going to encourage them to make more!!

In the immortal words of Jay Sherman, "If the movie stinks, just don't go!"

TV14

2007-10-28T15:52:00.000-05:00

Happy birthday to my good friend and co-contributor, who happens to share a birthday with actor Dennis Franz. Hopefully, unlike Dennis Franz, my friend will not be showing his bare butt on national television anytime soon.

Harry Potter and the Silly Revelations

2007-10-27T21:00:00.000-05:00

(Before I begin, I must point out that I have not read any of the Harry Potter series, nor have I seen any of the films based on the novels. Yes, I know, that's strange to many of you. But the point is, I have no strongly negative or positive opinions towards Harry Potter in general)

The great thing about books, especially popular ones, is that they are open for interpretation. The author may swear up and down that the book is not meant to represent a certain something, but that doesn't stop people from thinking it does. J.R.R. Tolkien said that The Lord of the Rings was not meant to evoke thoughts of World War II, but there certainly are people who read the books and think about World War II. As Lex Luthor put it in Superman: The Movie, "Some people can read War and Peace and come away thinking it's a simple adventure story. Others can read the ingredients on a chewing gum wrapper and unlock the secrets of the universe."

The Harry Potter series is certainly popular. It's definitely, single-handedly caused a resurgence in reading novels - especially in children. Yet in the decade or so that the books have been released, I've never really heard any serious debates about concepts, characters, or plots in the book. Save for religious diehards denouncing the books, saying they promote Satanism, no one has really discussed brought up the novels in the media. No one has come forward saying, "what these books are really saying, is that..."

Well, the final novel has been published, and this event seemingly has shot the starting gun for Harry Potter debate and interpretation.

Perhaps the biggest revelation to come out recently is from the author herself, J.K. Rowling, who announced that a major character in the series, Professor Dumbledore, is gay. I guess if the deeply religious didn't have enough a problem with the books being "Satanic," imagine what this will cause. Fans applauded when the author announced this. Now the great debate has begun.

My question is, relevant is this revelation to the plot, or to one's interpretation of the novels? Is this really something of great debate? Someone at Entertainment Weekly thinks so. I have no opinion either way about it. If at some point I get to actually read one of the books, I certainly won't be scanning the text for hints of the character's sexuality. I might as well be trying to discover if a certain character is an alcoholic, or a drug abuser. Gee, maybe such-and-such character is manic depressive! Really, things like this just confuse me - situations like historians going and digging up dirt on great figures from history (the subject of another blog). Let everyone make their own interpretation about things like this. By the way, Watson from the Sherlock Holmes novels - TOTAL kleptomaniac. I'm just saying...

Now, there is someone who did make their own interpretation about the novels - philosopher Jean-Claude Milner. A search on Google or Yahoo! News will find will reveal this man's thoughts on Harry Potter. He interprets that Harry Potter is "of the Left." That's right - Harry Potter is a left-winger, and he's out to get the establishment. Harry and his cronies at Hogwarts are wholly against the values of profit-seeking market economies. He's Anti-American, I tells ya!

I can't agree one way or another with this man's views, but I do admit, anyone who can take a novel about a boy going to a school to learn magic and turning it into a statement against capitalism - well - that someone certainly has a vivid interpretation of things. J.K. Rowling has become a gazillionare because of Harry Potter, she's certainly gotten a lot of profit - does this mean that she wrote a series of novels that are negative towards her lifestyle? Because that would be kind of weird.

Schools in the United States are banning Harry Potter; first editions of the novels are selling for tens of thousands of dollars; and debate rages on about the fact that Rowling will never allow anyone, not even herself, to write another Harry Potter novel. The Harry Potter series has become the subject of great discussion. It's a good thing for printed media. Honestly, when was the last time people discussed a novel with such passion, outside of book clubs?

And for the record, in no way is the subject of this post a comment on global warming and its reprecussions on the environment.

Tortilla Reform

2007-10-25T22:00:00.000-05:00

Does anyone know where I can get any good flour tortillas around here? Because it seems like every tortilla I try has no flavor and the consistency of rubber.

As a Texan, I am required by law to enjoy Tex-Mex food (read your state constitutions people!) - okay, not really. But Tex-Mex is so prevalent around here, that you can't help but dabble in it every once in awhile. I suppose for me it doesn't necessarily come from living in Texas so long, but rather because my family had "Taco and Burrito night" regularly. I don't have the big family to sit and eat burritos with, but I can still cook up some burritos myself and look back with fond memories.

Problem is, good burritos require good tortillas. Those tortillas can be bought or made.

I can go to the grocery store and take my pick from literally dozens of varieties of tortillas. Size-wise, I can get "regular" tortillas, soft taco size, fajita size, wrap size, and burrito size. As far as ingredients, they offer "plain 'ol" tortillas, multi-grain, low-fat. You can get flavored burritos now, such as herbs, sun-dried tomato, and others.

All these on top of the fact that there are several brands of tortillas - each brand claiming its more "authentic" than the next one, some throwing a lot of Spanish onto the packaging to draw you in and say "Hey, there's Spanish on this package, therefore it's really authentic."

But the odd thing is, no matter how different they claim they are from other brands, I can scarcely tell a difference from one tortilla to the next. They're all pretty bland, and most begin to tear and crumble as you start to roll your burrito.

Several restaurants tout "fresh" tortillas. I've had some good ones at Taco Bueno, but strangely, the quality of the tortillas varies from store to store. Taco Cabana has some good ones, and they give you some even in a meal that doesn't even really require tortillas. But I don't want to go to a restaurant for good tortillas.

One of my local grocery stores actually makes pretty good tortillas which are made fresh and are relatively inexpensive - though the size is more suited for fajitas. Then there is a brand of tortillas which you store in your refrigerator and then heat "fresh" on a skillet or griddle. As far as store-bought goes, these seem to be the best.

Then there's making homemade tortillas - which for me, hasn't been as easy as it should be. There seem to be just as many recipes for tortillas out there as there are brands in the stores. Butter, lard, with baking soda, without baking soda - there are many subtle variations. And quite frankly, the last few recipes I've tried didn't turn out very well.

So what's someone to do in this sitation? Anyone out there got a "can't miss" recipe for flour tortillas? I'm dying for a good burrito.

Study Finds

2007-10-20T21:30:00.000-05:00

I've always been interested in how researchers convince institutions to back certain studies. I'd like to think that certain studies would be approved without hesitation, such as studies to alleviate certain diseases and conditions.

But then there's the other studies. The ones you find online or in the newspaper that just make you say "What?" These are the studies where I would like to be present during the "pitch" to whomever would be financing said study. How do they present their study? What are the benefits of their study? How can the financier profit?

These are just some of the studies that have published results recently.

Swearing on the job can reduce stress and boost employee morale.
Fish suffer from insomnia.
Rap videos can encourage young women to drink alcohol.
Secondhand cigarette smoke can hurt kids' grades.
Children living on farms have a lower risk of asthma.
Early humans threw clambakes and beach parties.
School bullies and their victims are more likely to be the victims of crimes outside of school than other children.
People believe gossip more than actual facts.
Dairy farmers are more satisfied with their jobs than "multi-purpose" farmers.
There is no strong evidence that shoe insoles help prevent back pain.
Afternoon naps can help lower blood pressure.
Rich people are more "neighborly" than poor people.
Adult women are more likely to develop acne that adult men.

Yes, someone out there paid another someone out there to determine that fish suffer from insomnia. Which makes me wonder if fish insomnia leads to fish multiple personality disorder, which in turn leads to fish fight clubs. Or something.

I'm sure there's got to be SOME major purpose behind some of these studies. I'm sure my Romanian scientist friend might say that some of the work she's involved in helps us gain a greater understanding of our surroundings, and our universe. And that I can completely respect, for some people's main goal is knowledge. And what a wonderful feeling it must be to know how certain things in the cosmos work.

But is knowledge the ultimate goal for the researchers who performed the studies above? Is some scientist sitting back in a chair with a big grin on their face, thinking, "Wow, now I know that rich people are friendlier neighbors than poor people!" Or are they thinking, "Wow, I can't believe I got paid to ask dairy farmers how satisfied they are with their jobs!"

Hmmm. Guess I'll have to start a study on that.

Salvation Army - "Too Good" for Your Furniture?

2007-10-13T21:00:00.000-05:00

(Just a note folks, unfortunately, this post may not live up to the high praise given in the last post. See, this is why hyping up something can be bad! We now continue to our regular programming)

When I moved into my first apartment many years ago, I had no furniture. Sure, I had all that crap I had leftover from when I was living in the dorms at college, but it really wasn't furniture. It was maybe a couple of pillows, a rug, a small TV - you know, "dorm stuff."

I couldn't afford to buy new furniture, so I did what anyone in my position probably would have done - I got some "furniture" at a second-hand store: a couch, some nightstands, a mattress that was more springs than it was actual cushion (I don't think I had a single restful night on that thing) - all for probably less than $50.

Of course as the years went on and I had steady income, I purchased new, better furniture. As the new furniture came in, I felt I should give back to the "second-hand" furniture community, so I called the Salvation Army. On separate occasions they happily came by and picked up the furniture - until today.

I was donating my old entertainment center, one of those el-cheapo ones you get at Wal-Mart for $50 and put together yourself. Still, it's served me faithfully over the years. Immediately upon seeing it, Salvation Army man #1 says "We can't sell this. It's too scratched up."

Say what?

Yes, apparently the entertainment center was in too poor a shape for the ol' Salvation Army. They were too good to take my second-hand furniture.

He then told me he could just take it to the dumpster for me, which I said yes to (what else was I to do with it if the darn Salvation Army won't take it?). Guy #1 then left and got in the truck, with guy #2 standing outside my door with a not-too-bright look on his face. I repeated what guy #1 told me about taking it to the dumpster, so he started helping me out with it. Guy #1 then yelled to guy #2, "What are you doing??!"
"You said you'd take it to the dumpster for him."
"No, no, we don't do that! Come on!"

Guy #2 then proceeded to start pushing the entertainment center back into my apartment. I protested, and finally just flat out asked him to just help me carry it to the dumpster. With an annoyed grunt, he agreed. It took maybe 3 minutes. All the while, guy #1 just sat in the truck, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel.

I've never thought in for a second that the Salvation Army would refuse to take furniture. I guarantee you that someone shopping at the Salvation Army store probably wouldn't care about a few scratches - especially when they're paying maybe $5-$10 for the entertainment center. But I guess the Salvation Army knows better. They're too good for my furniture. I expect in the near future this new, "snooty" Salvation Army will have valet parking at their stores and play classical music over the store speakers.

The Movie So Good, You Don't Need to Know the Plot

2007-10-12T22:00:00.000-05:00

Lately on the radio, I've been hearing many commercials for Lust, Caution,a movie by director Ang Lee. The film is apparently winning worldwide acclaim. The film is apparently "breaking box office records from New York to Hong Kong." The radio commercial features several positive comments about the film from various critics. The commercial says everything you can possibly say about a movie - except what the plot is.

Apparently, this movie is so good, so acclaimed, so dominant at the box office, that the studio feels that they don't even need to tell us what the movie is about. They expect we will be so dazzled by the glowing comments, that we will just stop everything and go "Holy crap! We need to go see this movie right away, to be part of the phenomenon!"

There was another movie that was advertised much like this. It happened to be another movie by Ang Lee, called Brokeback Mountain. Sometime after the movie had been released to theaters, I called my parents. They told me about their weekend plans, and how they were going to go see Brokeback Mountain, because of all the good things they heard about the movie. I then proceeded to tell them what the plot of the movie was (by then, it was somewhat widely known what the subject matter was). After several seconds of silence, my parents decided that probably wasn't the movie for them.

So to you, studios, we don't need commercials blindly telling us how great the movie is and how we really need to see it. We also don't need commercials telling us every detail about the movie and its plot. As always, audiences will make their own decisions. Critically acclaimed movies frequently bomb at the box office, and critically reviled movies frequently hit number one at the box office.

Be sure to watch for my next blog entry. My friends tell me it's one of the best entries I've ever written. My co-contributor writes, "he weaves a spellbinding post that places him in the ranks of the masters." Pre-releases of the post are being read by the thousands. My next post, coming soon.

Why Everyone Should Work in Customer Service (At least once)

2007-10-11T21:25:00.000-05:00

I haven't had the luxury of being in one job a long time - I've worked a variety of jobs from my mid-teens up until now. Bagboy at a grocery store, sacrificial lamb - er, customer service at Wal-Mart, customer service at Radioshack, over-the-phone technical support for everyday Americans at three different jobs, and currently I am still doing over-the-phone support, but for a more "select" group.

Which one of the above doesn't belong? If you guessed the last one, you're correct! It's the first time I haven't been at the whim of average John and Jane America. And you know what? It's a great change. I'm still doing support over the phone, but the people are a lot more understanding, a lot more patient, and a lot friendlier.

Up until now, I've seen the best and worst that America can offer, and everything in between. I've helped the people who are so grateful for my assistance that they say how wonderful I am and offer to introduce me to their single daughter. And, I've also helped the people who curse every other word and would just as soon step on my face as say hello. I've heard and seen it all.

Sadly, I would say about 75% of those people were overly negative in their attitudes - calling me names, telling me how worthless I am, threatening to get me fired, threatening to sue me and the company I work for. There were days that tried my patience and my very soul. I recall a time shortly after my grandmother passed away. One day at work was especially trying - I dealt with a lot of bad, bad people. At one point, I dealt with one of those people who thought that their Internet connection being down for a mere4 or 5 hours meant that the world hated her and she just had the worst life ever. She decided to take much of it out on me. Out of my mouth was the junk that the company made us regurgitate - "I'm sorry to hear that," "I understand your frustration," etc, etc. But in my head I was thinking "people are dying in a war overseas, millions of people have incurable diseases, my grandmother just passed on - and you think your Internet being down gives you the right to think you're the unluckiest person in the world, and gives you the right to treat others like crap?" After several minutes of abuse, I snapped. I hung up the phone, threw down my headset, yelled out "$@%%$# this job," and walked outside for some air. I came back minutes later, thankfully with my job still intact.

But, I've learned something in my years of being the target of so much negativity. for one, barely anything gets to me anymore. Situations where, in the past, I may have panicked or freaked out, no longer phase me. Secondly, whatever negative thoughts I had about my life, such as being disliked by religious deities, or thinking my life just plain sucked - those thoughts are gone. Suddenly my life didn't look as bad anymore after dealing with people like the woman above. It made me think, "do I really sound like that?" I really thought that when listening to a woman cry about her Internet being down - yes, she cried.

But more importantly, it helped reinforce respect for my fellow human beings. Knowing the toll all the negativity took - I couldn't bear to subject anyone else to that negativity. It just isn't right. I'm a little wiser, a little more patient. When I call some kind of support number, sure, they may have no idea what I'm talking about, they may not know how to fix it, they may be following an annoying script, but I'm not going to treat them badly because of it. It's so easy to treat someone poorly over the phone, because you're not looking at that someone in the eyes as you call them names or tell them you're going to get them fired. It's a power trip, one that people shouldn't embark upon.

So I say that for once in their lives, everyone should work some kind of customer service job. Especially over the phone. Once you find out how horrible people can be, you start to look at your own behavior, and you should be better for it. This especially goes for all people who have lived with lots of money most of their lives (I'm looking at you, Hollywood). Think you're better than everyone else? Work customer service for a week and see how low people can make you feel.

All you teenagers out there, 9 times out of 10, your first job probably won''t be the most glamorous. You may be doing it just for the money - to get a car, to help pay for college - pay attention at that job. Not attention to the job itself, but more importantly, to the people.

Everyone should work in customer service at least once. There might just be a little more respect out there.

High School Concerto, 2nd Movement

2007-09-02T09:30:00.000-05:00

For awhile, I'd been through many a department store and seen loads of merchandise bearing the name "High School Musical," wondering just what the hell "High School Musical" was. Don't get me wrong, the name was self-explanatory, but the merchandise was the kind of merchandise that young kids would buy - backpacks, notebooks, posters - almost as if this were Spongebob Squarepants or some other Nickelodeon show.

I didn't really think much more about it until while flipping channels early last week, I came across a preview for "High School Musical 2." I asked my co-contributor about it, and he described it as "Disney's cash cow." He let out an annoyed "NOOOOO" when I told him of the impending sequel. That was about all I needed to know. Still, I couldn't help but be curious about it, so when the sequel came on, I watched the first 20 minutes or so.

Then I immediately tried to forget the last 20 minutes or so.

Every stereotype you could think of was there, including the rich snobby white kids, who, about 15 minutes in, begin singing about how great things are at their country club and where everything is imported from. I thought, is some nerdy kid going to come in later and sing about how great math and science are? Maybe we can get a jock to come sing about football and the padding he's wearing.

Still, despite the words "High School" in the title, it's clear that this is not intended for high schoolers, but for the younger set, and I could see why kids might like this kind of stuff. Heck, most adults probably look at kids' shows and wretch.

On another musical note (get it?), I've been listening a lot lately to the local classical music radio station while I drive. Why? Well, for one thing I like classical music, but more importantly, it's relaxing to listen to, and if there is one thing I need while driving, it's something relaxing. There are blissfully few commercials, which I like. But as I've listened to it more, I couldn't help but notice that if there were such a thing as a "stereotypical" classical station, this would be it.

I think when people think of classical music they may think of snobby rich people who sit around sipping wine while reading the stock pages in the newspaper. Eerily enough, one of the sponsors of the station is a wine store. There are frequent commercials for the wine store (cleverly called "Cork"), and the station even has an occasional "wine report" where they talk about what wines go with what meals, and how the wine tastes! To compound things, they have a regular "financial report," which oddly sometimes doesn't even have financial news.

Then there's the "DJs" of this radio station. Everybody talks in a steady, relaxed, almost unemotional manner. And yes, there are a few DJs of British decent. These people could probably read out loud a trashy romance novel and make it simultaneously boring and interesting. I can't help but compare them to some of the weather forecasters you see on your local TV station, who just seem so sickeningly pleasant.

It's an interesting time to live in, musically speaking.

Belief Me

2007-08-07T22:40:00.001-05:00

I spend most of my time pondering randomly. It doesn't matter if I am at work or at home, I can't stop pondering. Some people might find this habit odd, but honestly I can't help it. Well, over the years I'd like to think my ponderings have led to somewhat successful results. The results hail to beliefs that exist outside my Christian faith. Some of these beliefs may make one say "Huh?" while others will make you say "Hmmm.". Well, whatever you say or think about these beliefs is okay. They are all opinions and I just want to take the time to share them.

I believe that there this is at least one alternate universe and especially an alternate me out there. : Ok, I know this may sound nerdy and it is apparent to the readers that I enjoy science fiction. I think I mainly hold onto this belief for a feeling of hope. I feel that my life is not what it's supposed to be, so I think about what an alternate me would turn out to be if I made a different choice. Don't get me wrong, I don't envision an alternate Earth that has been taken over by Nazis or anything alarming like that. I just believe that somewhere out there is an Earth just like this with some minor changes (like they had six seasons of "Angel" instead of five). Maybe, the alternate me had more courage and dared himself to ask a girl out, or had the emotional maturity to become close friends with one while he was a teenager. I just hope the alternate me (if he exists) made better choices and is happier. I wish him a lot of luck.
Magic: This maybe my weirdest belief, but I honestly think magic exists. I also think that it is possible to learn to use it. The problem with magic is that one has to pay some kind of price to learn the mystic arts. Price in this case is not referring to money exchange. I wish that it would be like one could go to a magical school for a few years, and then you are well endowed in all magical knowledge, but I am afraid this is not so. I believe that one has to give up either their current lifestyle, and maybe isolate themselves from others to gain this knowledge. There might be more stuff involved, but like I said this just a mere belief. I got to thinking about magic and its existence when I read a passage in the Bible. The passage in question can be found in the book of 1^st Samuel (28: 4-25).
Aliens: This belief is simple for me, since the universe is so vast the chances of there being life among the stars is a real possibility for me. I am not sure if I will go so far to believe that aliens live among us and are secretly breeding with humans to build a human/alien hybrid and thereby making us normal humans obsolete. *Nervous cough* Well, I am not sure where that came from, but back to my main idea. The fact that aliens have not yet contacted us in of no consequence to me. I figure that if the aliens know about us, they either are not interested in contacting us or they are too busy building up their invasion force. Now, as far as the "Roswell Incident" is concerned, I have not yet developed an opinion on that. Sorry, dear readers maybe another time.
Mystical Creatures: I think creatures like dragons and unicorns have existed or still existed. I think this belief started from me being annoyed at people reasoning, "That if a thing has not been seen then it must not exist." In response to this I usually say, "Well it is not uncommon for one to believe that black holes exist, but no one has seen a black hole."

Well, there you have it, a sample of my odd beliefs. Is that all I have? Well no, but I didn't want to take too long and I didn't want to bore my readers to death. I usually keep these beliefs to myself, but I am not afraid to voice them to people that know me really well, and are willing to listen. I also believe that I am not the only person to have "odd" beliefs. I wish those people well and to keep their head and chin high.

Somewhere, Driver's Ed Teachers are Cringing

2007-07-29T15:25:00.000-05:00

People seem to forget everything they were taught in Driver's Education, like most high-school-based learning. Unlike most high-school-based learning, instead of people forgetting knowledge through no conscious act of their own, people in Driver's Ed seem to forget because, once they get behind that wheel, they want to drive however the heck they want to, rules be damned.

Sadly, this causes people to forget extremely important guidelines - guidelines that could affect the safety of people in danger.

Twice in the last three days, an emergency vehicle has come down the road I was driving on. Friday, it was a fire truck. Today, it was an ambulance. The first thing I did, one of the things I learned in Driver's Ed, was to get out of the way of the emergency vehicle. "By the book," this means pulling off to the right side of the road and stopping. Naturally, it is not always safe to immediately pull off to the right side of the road - there might be cars to your right. And, there is not always a shoulder to pull off onto. I ran into both of these problems.

So, in the case of the fire truck, I had a shoulder off to the left, so I slowed down and pulled off into the shoulder. There was no shoulder today, and several cars on my right. I gradually slowed down and came to an eventual stop. Both times, cars were driving behind me. Both times, the cars driving behind me honked at me and cursed my name.

With the fire truck, the car behind me seemed to notice me pulling off to the shoulder and made an attempt to speed around. Today, the car behind me turned on his turn signal and appeared ready to get into the next lane (right into the way of the ambulance, I might add).

It wasn't until the emergency vehicles came close, that the cars finally realized what I was doing and stopped the honking, cursing, and fist-shaking. Yes, not until they were close by - because, you know, those sirens are way too quiet for anyone to hear from a distance. The emergency vehicles sped by, hopefully making their intended destinations in time.

When I began to slow down, the people behind me were obviously thinking, "What the #$%^%^ is this &%%$@! doing??! What a stupid #$^^%!!!"

I don't know what they were thinking when the emergency vehicles came by. I can only hope they thought "Oh, it's EMS. I'd better get out of the way and stop my selfish tirade. Boy, it's a good thing the guy ahead of me noticed. I owe him an apology." But that, of course, is wishful thinking. They probably went on with their business, and the next time someone slows down for an emergency vehicle, they'll probably go back to their honking and cursing.

Somewhere, those people's Driver's Ed teachers are cringing.

Hmmmm - how can I make bike riding more dangerous?

2007-07-22T19:00:00.000-05:00

I've made my feelings for cell phone use pretty well known - especially when people are talking and driving at the same time. The two just don't mix.

But, lo and behold, someone else found a way to make talking on a cell phone dangerous - riding a bike and talking at the same time.

This guy wasn't using a headset, no - he was using the full-on "hand up to the ear" style of talking on the cell. Yes, he was steering with one hand and talking on the phone on the other. Oh, and he drove right in front of my car, causing me to slam on my brakes - and he just didn't seem to care (He also wasn't using hand signals, but thats beside the point).

So, here's to you, Mr. Talking-on-a-cell-phone-while-riding-a-bicycle. Just when I thought people couldn't get more careless with a cell phone, you've proven me wrong. Bravo!

How Dare you make us aware of our own stupidity

2007-07-21T13:53:00.001-05:00

It was just another day at the grocery store - people driving like maniacs in the parking lot, hogging the aisles, not moving from a display for 5 minutes - the usual.

I gathered my small amount of items and headed up to the crowded checkout lanes, which were "stacked" two deep. A further lane had a person just finishing up. A closer lane had the same, but also had 3 or 4 people waiting for that aisle, all with only a few items. I decided to head up to the further aisle.

I waited about 2 minutes when one man who was waiting in the closer lane storms up to me and goes "sir, the line is back there!!" I explained that it looked like everyone was waiting for the closer lane. He angrily went on to say they were all in line "waiting for the next available aisle." Which was a big lie. They were all waiting for the closer lane. He saw me and probably went "why didn't I do that??!" These people were all clueless. I brought attention to their cluelessness, and they didn't like it.

I should have stayed and checked out, but I didn't feel like dealing with the people who obviously didn't understand how lines work. I gave a "yeah, whatever" to the man and went on to another lane.

There's an old saying, "that which is not directly observed tends to persist." I guess that means those people are destined to stand in long lines for the rest of their lives.

When bad networks go worse

2007-07-20T19:00:00.000-05:00

Maybe you've read my post about cable news and how it stinks (click HERE if you haven't).

The Fox News Network is a large reason why cable news is so awful these days. How do I feel about them? Click HERE to see. Apparently they read my post, because they went and got themselves a sense of humor. Unfortunately for them, that sense of humor was on sale for 99 cents, and was way past its expiration date.

Fox News is threatened by The Daily Show with Jon Stewart and The Colbert Report on Comedy Central for some odd reason. The former has always prided itself on making fun of the American (and sometimes International) political system in general. Despite what many people say, the show doesn't lean primarily "to the left." And the latter, well, it's just a parody of some of the political talk shows seen on CNN, Fox, and MSNBC. The host Steven Colbert is not the same as the person Steven Colbert. The person Steven Colbert is just playing a character.

But Fox was so threatened by this show, they just thought they'd get their own "fake" news show, call it The 1/2 Hour News Hour, and bill it as "Fox's answer to The Daily Show."

But somewhere, somehow, Fox missed the point. The show is so horrendously awful, so painfully unfunny that it has to have a laugh track. As I watched this train wreck's credits, you could hear applause and hooting from the audience. Problem was, the camera was panning across the audience, and the people were sitting there doing nothing, perhaps wondering why they came to watch the show.

The show's only goal seems to insult Democrats, random people, and make fun of tragic events. After they had just finished making about 3 jokes about Al Gore, the male "anchor" began telling a story about a woman in a foreign country who killed and dismembered her husband. He then proceeded to state, "What ever happened to the silent treatment?" They then went on to trash people who stood in line for the IPhone, calling them "losers." Yeah, comedy gold.

It's so bad that the show holds the lowest score on the site Metacritic, which gathers reviews from Internet websites and newspapers around the country. Click HERE to read the reviews along with the frequently humorous comments from people who logged into the website, including allegations that the negative reviews are all a big conspiracy.

I've never been someone who has been heavily into politics. I'm not right-wing, left-wing, Democrat, Republican, Whig, or Greenback. So this post is not politically based. It's based on taste. And the show is in the worst possible taste you can get.

Keep trying, Fox News. Maybe you'll get it right some day.

I choo-choo-choose you

2007-07-16T18:00:00.000-05:00

In the "people will buy anything" category, I was channel surfing the other day and came across a commercial for what will probably be the best-selling DVD of all time.

Trains! Trains!! TRAINS!!

2 DVDs featuring big trains, little trains, fast trains, steam trains, and more!!

And this set is NOT sold in stores, so it HAS to be good.

I couldn't even remember the name of the DVD, I was laughing too hard. Not so much the fact that the DVD was about trains - everyone has a hobby - it was just the presentation. They made it sound like this was just the most exciting DVD ever.

I'm sure they'll be following up their success with the long-awaited DVD sets on bicycles (one seaters! two seaters! unicycles!), trampolines (bouncy trampolines! umm..not so bouncy trampolines!), and paint (housepaint! spray paint! model paint!)

Remember, they're not sold in stores, so keep an eye out for those high-profile commercials.

One minor adjustment..

2007-07-14T17:00:00.000-05:00

It is said that time can speed up or slow down depending on certain situations, i.e., "Time flies when you're having fun." But I've yet to hear anything like "time flies when you're adjusting to change in your life." In fact, I would say most big changes in people's lives are met with agonizingly slow times - divorce, children, starting school. I've never heard anyone say "I just had a baby boy, and man, the months are just flying!"

And yet for me, the last 2 months, rife with change, have flown by.

It seems like just yesterday that it was time for me to have a nice little vacation. I'd go to my sister's wedding, visit with my parents for a week, then return to the grind at my job of nearly 4 years.

But before I went on vacation, I was restless at work. I needed a change, and I think I needed to get away from what I felt were the childish attitudes of several of my co-workers. I felt an internal promotion, while not a huge change, would provide the spark I needed. A position was about to open up, I just didn't know when, and I was about to go on vacation. I didn't want to miss it, so I asked a co-worker to hold on to a copy of my resume, and the internal application, in case the position opened up while I was away. That meant updating my resume. I couldn't find my hard copy of it, so I went on to Monster.com. Monster allows you to save your resume on there as a Word document. So, I updated it and saved a copy.

But the thing is, when you update your resume on Monster - even if it's just adding a period - it bumps your resume to the top of the list, and makes it look "new." Several headhunters out there were now seeing my resume.

I hadn't even unpacked at my destination before the calls and e-mails started coming in from recruiters. Most of the positions just didn't sound appealing to me, and several wanted me in for an interview ASAP, which obviously wasn't going to happen. The calls and e-mails continued throughout my vacation, but for the most part I ignored them and enjoyed my vacation. A couple I told my situation, and they happily said they could wait to talk to me.

So, I waited till my last day of my vacation and called these people. There were claims of "Wow, we read your resume and we just think you're perfect," but as usual, these claims were false. They asked me if I had experience in certain skills (something obviously spottable on my resume). I said no. One person's remark was "oh, well, that pretty much eliminates you." One of them said they'd talk to the hiring managers (the same ones which allegedly just gushed over my resume) and get back to me. I thought, "I'll never hear from you again." I went on with my life and my job.

Astonishingly, the person who told me I was "pretty much eliminated" called and wanted me to come in for an interview, despite my tremendous under qualification. I obliged. I blew off the usual interview preparedness routine, gave a quick once-over of the company's website, and went to the interview. They asked me questions I really didn't know the answer to, so I applied the questions to my current job. I went out of the interview confident they would find my skills lacking for the position. Still, I went home, and gave the requisite "thanks for the opportunity" e-mail to the recruiter. Shortly afterward, I got a reply.

"Can you come in for an interview tomorrow?" Suddenly the people I gave as references were telling me they got calls from the company. They were surprisingly interested in me. The second interview ended up being scheduled for a week later. That morning, a terrible storm rode through. I arrived at the company to a near-empty parking lot and an office like a ghost town. I announced myself at the front desk, and got an astonished look. "I think you're the one we were trying to get in contact with!"

Apparently they'd lost power and sent almost everyone home. I was informed they'd been calling me and e-mailing me to reschedule (which wasn't the case). But, I was there, and the manager took me in for an interview. He led me to the conference room, and left to take care of a few things. I decided to take the "high road" and asked him when he returned, if I should just come another time. He thought about it and said it would probably be best. So "another time" became the next day. It was essentially a repeat of the first interview. I felt the same way walking out as I did the first time.

4 days later I was told I got the job, and an offer was being prepared. 3 days after that my offer came through, nearly twice what I was currently making. I quickly accepted. Within minutes I was at my office, explaining to my stunned boss I would be leaving. A week later was my last day at my job of 4 years. 2 days after that my new job started. That was almost a month ago.

All that started early May. Now it's mid-July. I don't know where the time went, really. I've gone from a Friday thru Monday 10 hours schedule to a Monday thru Friday 8 hour schedule. I've gone from starting at 7am to starting (for now) at 9am. I now have a "classic" weekend as opposed to my beloved "mid-week" weekend. I've had to re-adjust to dealing with the large volumes of people at stores and theaters. I've got a much larger income coming in, where I can finally pay some debts off.

And time has flown. It won't be long until it's August and I'll be celebrating some family member's birthdays. It seems like I don't have the time to do what I really want to do after work and on the weekends - including putting some posts on here.

So, anyone else experience this? Long gaps of time completely gone, as you adjust to changes in your life? Is adjustment ... FUN? Because logic would say if time flies = having fun, and facing adjustment in your life = time flies, then having fun = facing adjustment in your life.

I guess a change-up in life is like a change-up pitch in baseball. The change-up is designed to disrupt your timing. A good batter will observe the pitcher and learn to anticipate when the change-up is coming. Then they can knock it out of the park.

Guess I just need to observe life more and anticipate the change-up.

Chai-ce cream

2007-06-25T19:30:00.000-05:00

Many people who know me know of my affinity for Chai and Chai lattes. It even got to the point where I went and got myself an inexpensive milk frother so I could make "authentic" lattes.

The other day, I decided I wanted to make ice cream, and wondered if I could integrate Chai into the ice cream. I found plenty of green tea ice cream recipes, most of which used green tea powder (Matcha). Since that didn't appeal to me, I kept looking and found a Emeril Lagasse recipe for green tea ice cream, in which he steeped loose leaf green tea in the milk that would be used to make the ice cream. I figured the same method could probably be applied to any kind of tea, including Chai.

So, I took Alton Brown's custard-style ice cream and incorporated Masala Chai into the milks, ala Emeril. It turned out rather well. Yeah, it's custard-based, meaning its not exactly low-fat - but you have to live a little every once in awhile. Plus I like making the custard-based ice creams, since it gives me egg whites to make angel food cake. So thanks to Emeril and Alton!

Chai Ice Cream
3 cups half and half
1 cup heavy (whipping) cream
8 large egg yolks
9 ounces sugar
2 tablespoons Masala Chai (or more to taste) - or any kind of loose leaf tea you'd like

Place the half and half, heavy cream, and Chai in a medium saucepan over medium heat. Bring the mixture to a bare simmer, cover with a lid, then remove from the heat.

Meanwhile, whisk the egg yolks until they lighten in color. Gradually add the sugar, and whisk to combine. Strain the tea leaves from the milk mixture, and place the milk mixture into a clean saucepan. Temper the egg yolk mixture with the milk mixture by gradually adding small amounts, until about 1/3 of the milk mixture has been added to the yolks. Return everything to the saucepan, then place over low heat. Cook, stirring frequently, until the mixture reaches 170-175 degrees F. Pour the mixture into a container and allow to sit at room temperature for 30 minutes. Place the mixture into the refrigerator, and once cool enough, place a lid on it. Store in the refrigerator for 4-8 hours (overnight is best). Prepare according to your ice cream maker's instructions. Once it comes out of the ice cream maker, it is technically soft serve, so you'll need to place it in the freezer to harden (unless you like soft serve, of course.)

Things you probably don't want to say out loud in public

2007-06-24T17:34:00.000-05:00

Overheard while exiting a store:

"We really need to find a bathroom - that Diet Coke went riiiiiiight through me!"

Vote for the New Wonders! Win fabulous prizes!

2007-06-08T14:00:00.000-05:00

Okay, there's no prize winning involved, but you can now vote for the New 7 Wonders of the World.

How this whole thing all came about, how the nominees were picked, I'm not sure - but it's interesting nonetheless. I'm pretty much for the majority of the nominees being there, but I can't help but think there certainly could be a lot more to choose from. When I think of the "original" 7 Wonders of the World, I think of architectural marvels that make people think "how the heck did they do that?" I don't think a Wonder should necessarily be something that's interesting to look at, but something that was the first of it's kind, an architectural and Engineering feat.

Some notable "snubs" in my opinion: where's Big Ben (Parliament)? The Chrysler or Empire State Buildings in New York? Mt. Rushmore? The Notre Dame Cathedral?

I think structures such as the Statue of Liberty, the Sydney Opera House, the Eiffel Tower, and the Taj Mahal got picked more for being well-associated with their respective countries and less for their "wondrous" appeal. Heck - many Parisians wanted to get rid of the Eiffel Tower after the World's Fair! That's not to say the structures are not feats of Engineering.

If the organizers of this vote wanted to see some serious publicity, they would hold a American Idol-style reality show, with potential Wonders getting voted off each week until 7 remain. Get a snooty Engineering expert, someone who just gushes at all architecture, and then, I don't know, one of these people who works for a style magazine. Each country would present their nominee(s) and what went into building it, and the judges would have their say. Imagine the snooty Engineering expert telling the Eiffel Tower, "please, that thing wouldn't stand up to the air coming out of my hair dryer." Or the style person saying about the Colosseum in Rome, "I'd be embarrassed to hold a concert there!" Of course the gusher would gush about everything, making their presence as a judge useless.

I'll be interested what the final results will be. I hear some countries are having local celebrities campaigning for their potential Wonders, such as the Brazilian soccer team chatting up Christ Redeemer. Which reminds me, where's all the publicity for the Statue of Liberty?? Screw immigration reform, let's pimp the Statue of Liberty! Er- um - that didn't sound quite right. You know what I mean.

And in case you ask (and no one will), I'd honestly have to say, out of all the nominees there, the 7 Wonders would be the Acropolis, the Colosseum, Angkor, the Great Wall of China, Petra, the Moai of Easter Island, and the Statue of Liberty (hey, I'm biased, sue me).

Yellow Pages: Unwanted, unloved

2007-06-03T06:45:00.000-05:00

Surely many know of the good ol' Yellow Pages (YP from here on in), and its many imitators. Easy access to the phone numbers and addresses of people and businesses everywhere. Sometimes they say you can find anything in the YP!

But as the Internet becomes more widespread, and connections faster, the Yellow Pages seem to be growing out of favor. Why look up an address in the YP, then try to plot it out on the map included, when you can look up the address on your favorite search engine, then have said search engine give you turn-by-turn instructions on how to get there?

Still, the YP arrive regularly in front of my apartment door - not only from AT&T, but from Verizon, and other major phone companies. What to do with all these phone books? The simplest answer would be just to go ahead and recycle them, which is what I do with most of the YP that show up. Sometimes I'll keep one to use as a "shelf" to raise Mocha's food and water up so she doesn't have to stoop. And of course, it doesn't hurt to have a YP lying around in case the Internet or power goes down.

So there's lots to do with all those generally unwanted YP - but why do people just basically try to ignore the fact that the YP got delivered? Again, my YP are usually left outside my apartment door, so I can just grab it on the way in/out. My neighbors seem to be completely oblivious to the fact that these YP have been sitting outside their door. The last set was delivered about a week ago. Most of my neighbors still have those YP sitting right outside. Do they think the YP will self-destruct? That maybe they'll get swept away by some rain and become fertilizer? It can't be that they don't see the YP there, their existence is fairly obvious. What gives?? Is the YP fairy going to come, take the YP back, and leave you a quarter or something?

It's just another one of the many things I just sit back and wonder about. Maybe I can find the answer in the YP.

TP Thievery

2007-05-25T13:45:00.000-05:00

Why is there an insistence by most public buildings to lock the toilet paper dispenser in the bathrooms? Are they that intent upon keeping what is probably a 50 cent roll of toilet paper safe??!

The news stories are always, "the thieves were caught with 500 pounds of illegal drugs," they're never "the elusive thieves were caught after an extensive sting operation, with over 1,000 rolls of industrial-sized toilet paper rolls."

Ye Olde Pizza Hut

2007-05-17T10:00:00.000-05:00

I know you've all been wondering, "oh great, they ran out of ideas again. No posts for 2 weeks!" Well, I've been on vacation, so there. And on vacation, I've come to the realization - well, I already had the realization - let's say my realization was enforced about the establishments where people eat. It seems people can't live without their "familiar" food.

During my vacation, much time was spent driving on the highways of Virginia, North Carolina, and South Carolina. And as anyone who has done a lot of driving knows, you can't drive on a highway without at some point running into "standbys" such as your Kentucky Fried Chicken, your Arby's, your McDonald's. After all, who wants to be driving in some unfamiliar part of America and not know where to stop and eat?

Alton Brown proved in his miniseries Feasting on Asphalt that a lot of the best "road food" is off the beaten path, on the lesser-known, lesser-traveled roads in the U.S. If these places existed on the major highways, people would probably drive right on by - even though the food is likely superior in these places. The same is probably true for other areas in the world - I know my parents loved driving around in France looking for smaller establishments that were kind of out-of-the-way.

People love familiarity. New things most of the time frighten people in general, even when it comes to food. Take a local event, Taste Addison, for instance. The purpose of this event is to gather all sorts of local restaurants - many of them "upscale" - and have them sell some of their dishes in booths. That way, food that you wouldn't normally have the chance to sample is freely available. Offbeat items like fish tacos, sushi - these were some of the things being offered. And yet, walk around, and you'll see people eating nachos, and slices of pizza from Pizza Inn - items that are readily available just about anywhere else. It's baffling to me - you come to an event that offers new, and sometimes exotic foods - and you get nachos. Bizarre.

But "bizarre" doesn't describe what I saw at Mount Vernon - "tacky" is probably the word I am looking for. Here we are, Mount Vernon, home to our first president, George Washington. Now, you come to expect that there's going to be a tacky gift shop. That's a given for just about any historical area. It was the food offerings that I found tacky. My mom and I had lunch at the Mount Vernon Inn. We had rosemary chicken, Virginia peanut stuffing, vegetables, cornbread, and apple cider. It was good. But most people were eating over at the food court. Take this excerpt from the brochure: "The Food Court offers a quick and delicious variety of fresh pastries, gourmet burgers and fries, deli sandwiches and salads, Pizza Hut Personal Pan Pizza, Mrs. Field's Original Cookies, and ice cream."

Yes, Pizza Hut. To come to the lovely estate of George Washington and to dine on pizza. Yes, because it's well known that Pizza Hut was a favorite of George Washington. He was the first to get Pizza Hut delivered to his door, issuing the famous order "I hereby ordereth a large pizza with mutton and tomatoes." This famous order began the formation of the First Pizza Delivery Regiment of Virginia, well-known for their bravery and one hour guarantee.

Please, folks - when visiting someplace new, driving on the highway, or attending an event - order something different when you eat. A little inconformity never hurt anyone.

Sick of the Stereotype

2007-04-30T13:45:00.000-05:00

Will comedians/writers ever get over the stereotype that all Texans are horse-riding, cowboy-hat-and-huge-belt-buckle-wearing, gun-toting hicks?

If last night's Family Guy is any indication, then probably not for a very long time.

I adore Family Guy - I've gotten a good share of laughs from that show. It has a lot of offensive comedy, and often takes shots at people, movies, television, and the like for really no good reason. It was Texas' turn last night.

The Griffin family fled to Texas to protect Stewie (and along the way, disguise Stewie as a girl). It's not long before the stereotypes begin to emerge. The neighbors are the stereotype mentioned in the first sentence of this post. Peter rides a horse around, because "you look crazy if you're not riding a horse in Texas," Brian gets a free gun when he purchases a bottle of Jack Daniels. The evening news features a man in a cowboy suit with a deep Southern accent, in front of a fence. Lois takes Stewie to a toddler beauty pageant because "that's what you do in Texas." (???)

If this kind of stereotype exists, I haven't met them in my 20 years of residence in Texas.

Not too long ago, I watched a favorite comedian of mine, Christopher Titus, perform his "End of the World Tour" on Comedy Central. At one point he describes Texas as a "hellhole." He goes on to describe what's in Texas: "cactus, sand, cactus, sand, George Bush, cactus.." Yes, Christopher, Texas is a desert wasteland. Love your comedy man, but, damn.

So, since these stereotypes will go on for decades to come, let me give you a list of some other stereotypes to play with!

All New Yorkers are rude.
A typical New Yorker knows the best place to get something, i.e. "the best (insert food item here) are available at (insert establishment name here) on (insert street name here)!"
The entire British populace has bad teeth.
The entire French populace is rude.
All people from California are aspiring actors/drive convertibles/say "dude" a lot.
Everyone living in Florida is a senior citizen.
All people who play computer games are nerds.
All nerds wear thick glasses, stutter, and have braces
All Hispanics are lazy
All African Americans are great at basketball
All Caucasians are bad dancers

There, that should get you started.

And to all writers and comedians out there, best you take heed to the anti-littering motto we use here in Texas, but also applies to Texas in general:

Don't Mess with Texas.

I'm Rich! Part the third

2007-04-29T09:15:00.000-05:00

I've won, again! For about the dozenth or so time in about six months! And all the winning numbers and serial numbers have been EXACTLY the same!

I would love for someone to go and shut off Nigeria's Internet access for a day, see how badly the scammers get affected. Everyone feel free to claim my "winnings" - I encourage filling out the form with names like "Bugs Bunny" and "Fred Flintsone."

The National Lottery
P O Box 1010
Liverpool, L70 1NL
UNITED KINGDOM (Customer Services)
Ref: UK/9420X2/68
Batch: 074/05/ZY369
WINNING NOTIFICATION:

We happily announce to you the draw (#942) of the UK NATIONAL LOTTERY, online Sweepstakes International program held on 27th April 2007. It is yet to be unclaimed and you are getting the final NOTIFICATION as regards this.

Your e-mail address attached to ticket number:56475600545 188 with Serial number 5368/02 drew the lucky numbers:4-6-9-12-15-40 (bonus no.25), which subsequently won you the lottery in the 2nd category i.e match 5 plus bonus.

You have therefore been approved to claim a total sum of £250,000.00 (Two hundred & Fifty Thousand Pounds sterling) in cash credited to file KTU/9023118308/03. This is from a total cash prize of £2,00000:00 shared amongst the(8)lucky winners in this category i.e Match 5 plus bonus.All participants for the online version were selected randomly from World Wide Web sites through computer draw system and extracted from over 100,000 unions, associations, and corporate bodies that are listed online.

This promotion takes place weekly. Please note that your lucky winning number falls within our European booklet representative office in Europe as indicated in your play coupon. In view of this, your £250,000.00 (Two hundred & Fifty Thousand Pounds sterling) will be released to you by any of our payment offices in Europe.

Our European agent will immediately commence the process to facilitate the release of your funds as soon as you contact him.For security reasons, you are advised to keep your winning information confidential till your claim is processed and your money remitted to you in whatever manner you deem fit to claim your prize.

This is part of our precautionary measure to avoid double claiming and unwarranted abuse of this program. Please be warned. To file for your claim, please contact our fiduciary agent:
FIDUCIARY AGENTOVER SEAS CLAIM UNIT
Dr. Mark Pullen
Email: overseaofficeclaim07@yahoo.ie
Details Of Beneficiary
1.FULL NAMES:
2.ADDRESS:
3.SEX:
4.AGE:
5.MARITAL STATUS:
6.OCCUPATION:
7.E-MAIL ADDRESS:
8.TELEPHONE NUMBER:
9.FAX NUMBER:
10.AMOUNT WON:
11.BATCH NUMBER:
12.REFERENCE NUMBER:
13.BRIEF DESCRIPTION OF
COMPANY/INDIVIDUAL:
14. COUNTRY:

CONGRATULATIONS FROM THE MEMBERS AND STAFF OF UK NATIONAL LOTTERY
Yours faithfully,
Mr. Michael Anderson.
Online coordinator for THE NATIONAL LOTTERY Sweepstakes International Program.

The Dark Side

2007-04-29T07:00:00.000-05:00

I am, for the most part, a real "golden rule" kind of guy. If you treat me with respect and courtesy, chances are you and I are going to get along just fine. Treat me, my friends, or my family without respect or courtesy, and, well - there's going to be a problem.

I am also admittedly a computer game geek. There's many a time where a bad mood has been alleviated by playing a game. I especially enjoy (naturally) City of Heroes and City of Villains, not only for the fun factor, but also because it serves as an outlet where I can socialize with my co-contributor. After all, we are in different states. We started out with multiplayer games such as No One Lives Forever 2 then moved on to MMOs like Star Wars Galaxies (believe me, Galaxies was DEFINITELY for the socialization, as fun was scarce). It's our way of "hanging out."

As in real life, MMOs contain people who act without respect, and without courtesy. And just as in real life, if you treat me, friends, or family poorly in an MMO, there will be consequences. Just ask some folks in Star Wars Galaxies.

A few years back when we played, I played as Zapp Farnsworth, a smuggler-in-training. My co-contributor was a Twilek bounty-hunter-in-training, and had some medical skills. I believe he was dubbed "Cloberella." Injured players would ask for healing, and in return, he would often get tips from the players, or at the very least, a "thank you." There we were on Tatooine, on a mission, when we came across a group of players fighting some Bantha. They soon stopped to make camp, saw Cloberella, and asked for healing. Well, it wasn't so much asking as going, "Heal me!"

Despite the bluntness of the players, "Cloberella" obliged them and began healing. And so they were healed. And so, we waited. And waited. The players sat there, uttering not a word. Not a single tip, or thank you. He had done as they asked, despite their rudeness, and despite them not even being badly wounded. Upset at this, and at the similar shabby treatment we had received earlier in the gaming session, I devised a plan. The dark side flowed within me.

"Get ready to run," I told Cloberella. "Why?" my friend asked. "You'll see."

I pulled my blaster, and shot the Bantha spawning point. Then I ran like hell. Cloberella followed. The players, still lounging in their campground, were swarmed by angry Bantha. From a distance, we saw blaster fire, and displays of damage being taken surged through the sky. "-10 -10 -10 -10..." I gleefully laughed. Cloberella, appreciating the gesture and the evilness of it all, joined in the jest. And we enjoy the story to this day.

The moral of the story? Like Hannibal Lecter, discourtesy is unspeakably ugly to me. It doesn't matter if its in real life, or in cyberspace, I'll let you know how ugly it is (no cannibalism or stealing your face or anything like that, though).

At least he's man enough to admit it

2007-04-28T09:15:00.000-05:00

Surely you've heard of Hooters? World famous for its - umm - chicken wings. It just so happens there is one fairly close by to where I live.

The other day I went to get a haircut. There was only one haircut person (barber? barberette? stylist?) at the time and she was with someone, so I sat down to wait after giving my information. Another person walked in, looked around, then immediately left - I guess he couldn't wait. A couple minutes later another gentleman walked in and sat down.

He asked me something - I wasn't 100% sure what it was - but it sounded like "are you waiting for a haircut," so I said yes, and stated I hadn't been waiting long. The woman got done with her customer, and turned to the other guy to get his information. He gave it, and was told it would be a few minutes. He remained standing, as if he was expecting to go next. She got done sweeping and called me over.

The man looked annoyed that I was going next (I guess he asked me something else) and looked impatient. He then loudly announces to me and the stylist, "I'll be over at Hooters." The stylist and I looked at one another. Not only was this guy impatient (my haircuts are simple and only take about 5 minutes), but he openly admitted he would be over at Hooters, when he easily could have said "I'll be right back."

I'm sure he was going there to enjoy the chicken wings.

Photo Op

2007-04-23T09:18:00.000-05:00

Days like this I wish I had a camera phone - so I could take a picture of the two people smoking right in front of the "for the courtesy of others, this is a no smoking area" sign.

Tragic Exploitation

2007-04-22T13:45:00.000-05:00

I had plenty of posts ready to go last week, but somehow I didn't really feel "funny" after the incident in Virginia on Monday.

Leave it to cable news to make things worse. I've made my seething hatred towards cable news fairly well-known (just click HERE if you don't believe me). What was once legitimate news has turned into hate-mongering and scare tactics.

What happened at Virginia Tech was horrible. 32 innocent people lost their lives along with one person who obviously wasn't in his right mind. And yet somehow, all the cable news wants to focus on is the one person. Especially after he sent his little care package to NBC News. I couldn't turn on the TV last week without seeing that man's picture staring back at me, his photos of himself pointing guns at the camera, that evil look in his eyes.

Obviously, the networks haven't heard or understand popular bits of wisdom like "Don't feed the troll," or "if you give a mouse a cookie, he's going to want a glass of milk," or other variations of these. Basically, what the networks have done is give this guy probably EXACTLY what he wanted with all the media attention. Plus, they're probably encouraging other people just like him. Hey, if you're crazy and commit mass murder, look at all the publicity you'll get!

NONE of these news networks seemed to take into account that there are 32 victims here. Expand that number if you take the families of the deceased. Why don't they deserve the countless hours of coverage the killer has gotten? Instead of spending 5 hours on why the killer did it, how about taking those 5 hours and talking about the victims and their lives? I happened to stop on Fox News while channel surfing (completely by accident, believe me), and they discussed how on that day, there was a moment of silence for the victims, that church bells tolled all over. They spent all of maybe 2 minutes talking about it. Then, they move into a lengthy segment about how the killer's family apologized, etc. etc. Wow, so nice that you spent those 2 minutes on the victims. You don't want to seem biased towards the killer. After all, Fox News, you ARE fair and balanced.

I don't want to hear about the killer, and how he stalked some women some years earlier, and about how he got his guns, and about what could have been done to prevent it - I want to hear about the professor that helped his students escape the carnage at the cost of his own life. While it is tragic that he died, it is an inspiration that someone could exchange their life to save others, that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one. Inspiration, hope - these are things we could use a lot more of these days.

Shame on you, Fox News, CNN, MSNBC, Headline News, and others just like you. 32 people have died so you can analyze, hire experts, complain, and - to get great ratings. I'd rather you use the tragedy to implement changes to better our society, or just not to exploit the tragedy at all.

Historical Value? Part the Second

2007-04-14T13:43:00.000-05:00

The History Channel confused me enough when they showed Mad Max one night.

The other night I observed them playing the original, Heston Planet of the Apes.

Dang, History Channel!! What was the historical value of that?? DAMN YOU!! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!!!

Apparently I don't know where I live

2007-04-12T19:42:00.000-05:00

In my 3 years at my current place of residence, not once have I had a problem with someone delivering something to me, such as a pizza.

In fact, I've ordered from Papa John's dozens of times since I've lived here. Again, no one has had a problem finding me.

Until today.

I got a call from the deliveryman, claiming he was standing outside my apartment building and didn't see my apartment number. I offered to walk outside and point him in the right direction. He wasn't there. I told him I didn't see him. He said there WAS no apartment XXXX. I repeated my address, my apartment number, my apartment complex - but he insisted my apartment didn't exist. At one point, he said "you gave me the wrong address." Not "are you sure you gave me the right address?" Not "maybe I'm at the wrong building." No - YOU GAVE ME THE WRONG ADDRESS. Excuse me??!

The phone conversation wasn't very clear, he said some things, and then I repeated my apartment complex name. He says, "that's what I just asked!!" I told him there was no need to be rude. I wanted to tell him other things, but I didn't. He goes on saying he's not rude, that customers are rude to them when they get the address wrong, blah blah.

In the end, he was at the wrong apartment complex. No admitting the mistake. When he arrived at my door he gave me a simple "Sorry about that." I signed the receipt, took my pizza, and slammed the door shut. And now I'm sending a complaint.

The complaint form is asking my address. Maybe I should double check to make sure where I live?

A Quizibuck Post

2007-04-11T15:00:00.000-05:00

I've heard a good deal of rap/hip-hop music.

And to be honest, there are a good deal of those songs that I've enjoyed and purchased on ITunes.

But there's something I've always wondered about the majority of these songs - why do the artists insist on introducing themselves/ calling themselves by name on just about every single song?

Is this some unwritten rule about rap music, like when singers are required to scream on every heavy metal song? Do they get paid money every time they say their name? Are most record producers bad with names, so they get rappers to say their name during the song, thus reminding the producers who they are recording?

Then you have the radio DJ coming on after the song is done, reminding you of who you were just listening to. You almost want to say "umm, yeah, I know, the guy said his name five times."
The last rock band I can remember "introducing themselves" was The Monkees! And that was the only time they did it!

Oh well, I'm sure there is some good reason. I'll continue to enjoy a select number of rap/hip-hop songs, but at the same time, I'll continue to wonder why the artists keep telling me what their name is.

Where's the Manual??

2007-04-09T06:45:00.000-05:00

I was out driving the other day when I came across a 4-way intersection, and the signal lights were flashing red.

It's simple, folks. Flashing red = 4-way stop sign.

But people barely know how to react at a stop sign to begin with, so I suppose I was expecting too much when people didn't seem to know how to react to this strange sight. Is the light broken?? Do I wait here until they fix it?? What do I do?? Oh, now I wish I'd paid attention in Driver's Education. Where's the manual?

I lived through it, with of course no help from anyone else, who seemed to think they could just go whenever. Riding the bus looks increasingly better each day.

Could have been worse, he could have been in Detroit

2007-04-08T07:00:00.000-05:00

Texas Family Kills Giant Rabbit
April 8, 2007

Dallas, Texas - Police were called to a Dallas residence early Sunday morning, upon being told there was an intruder in the house. Police arrived to a most bizarre scene.

"I come into the house, and there's this giant rabbit, about maybe 6 feet tall. Biggest rabbit I've ever seen," said Sergeant Expo Sition, the first officer to arrive.

According to the homeowner, one Stereo Typical Texan, the family was asleep at their home on Bunny Trail, when Stereo heard what he described later as "hippity-hopping" from outside. The next thing he knew, noises were coming from downstairs. Stereo grabbed his 12-gauge shotgun from his closet and headed downstairs while his wife called 911. "I figured it was one of them El Key-da folk, " said Mr. Texan, apparently referring to the Middle East-based terrorist group. "I figured he was here to terrorize us. At first I thought it might be a communist or hippie, but them El Key-da killed all them folk. Either way, I feared for the lives of my family. For the lives of my children Tommy and Sue."

Instead of a terrorist, Stereo found a giant figure in the shape of a rabbit. "We had just watched that documentary, Monty Python and the Holy Grail the other night. If a tiny rabbit could cause so much damage in that documentary, I could only imagine what horrors a giant one could do! It was hiding a chocolate bunny in one of my wife's houseplants. I cocked my shotgun, then it turned to me and says, 'Try to do all the things you should.' Well, I figured I SHOULD plug him in the head. And he said I should try to do it, so I plugged him." Stereo then shot the figure in the head at close range, killing the mutant rabbit."Before it died it cried out, 'I was only trying to make Easter bright and gay!' Well, I don't want some giant Lagomorpha turning my children gay - not that there's anything wrong with that."

When police investigated the scene, they found that the rabbit was carrying several items, including jellybeans, colored eggs, orchids, bonnets, and a few chocolate bunnies, as Mr. Texan described. In a sack, they found several baskets full of what police called "Easter Joy" - baskets of the dishwashing liquid 'Joy' with the word 'Easter' painted on them.

Mr. Texan wanted the giant rabbit sent to actress Glenn Close. "She just seems to love eating rabbits," referring to another film, Fatal Attraction. But police sent the body to a local zoo for study.

Peter C. Tail contributed to this article.

The long walk

2007-04-06T10:00:00.000-05:00

As with many apartment complexes, my apartment complex has a "mail center" where residents can go and pick up their mail. The center is pretty well centralized where it's within a fair distance from everyone.

When I get home, I take a nice short stroll over and back to get my mail. 3-4 minutes, tops.

But for some, this distance would seem to be in miles, and asking them to walk would be too much.
They'll generally park their cars at the center, retrieve their mail, then go and park at their apartment only a few yards away. A downstairs neighbor did this one day. I parked, walked over, walked back, and was heading up the stairs before they were even opening their car door.

Don't even get me started about what they do when it's raining a little. Stop the car, break out the umbrella, walk 2 steps to the covered mail center, close the umbrella, get mail, open umbrella, take 2 steps to the car, close umbrella, repeat process when getting home..

What a burden it is not to have mail slots for our apartments! Woe!

Call 911!

2007-04-04T18:00:00.000-05:00

At work the other day, a supervisor stumbled and fell to the floor.

An employee a few seats down saw this and exclaimed, "call 911," before heading over to the supervisor's aid. Even after this, another employee sitting across from the supervisor turns to me and exclaims, "call 911," before ALSO heading over to the supervisor's aid. The supervisor immediately stopped them both and said she was fine, she just tripped.

While I appreciate how the employees rushed to the supervisor's aid, had the supervisor not said everything was fine, I could foresee a chain reaction of employees turning to the person next to them and exclaiming "call 911," before joining the pack. The situation somewhat reminded me of Down and Out in Beverly Hills, where Richard Dreyfuss rushes to the aid of Nick Nolte yelling out "call 911, call 911," while holding a phone in his hand.

Bottom line - when someone tells you to call 911, CALL 911. Sure, you may want to check in quickly to see why you're calling 911, but don't just turn to the person next you pass the buck. This is not the time.

Whoops, I woke myself up

2007-04-02T07:00:00.000-05:00

That Mocha, she just loves plastic bags. Maybe it's the krinkly noise they make. Maybe it's because they get so warm when she lies down on them for awhile. Whatever the reason, she loves plastic bags. On my weekends, while she is under my supervision, I will often lay out a big plastic bag for her to sprawl upon.

The other day, she had spent several hours on that bag, and had once again fallen into a deep sleep. Suddenly there was a noise, and Mocha's eyes popped open. Too tired to get up, she lifted her head and started looking around, eyes half open. Finding nothing, she drifted off to sleep again.

Little did she realize that she had woken herself up.

My co-contributor taught me a neat trick with cats - call their name while they are sleeping, and their tail should twitch to signify they know their name is getting called. I do this often to Mocha, and her tail will not just twitch, it will do a full blown "whiplash." If she is lying on her side, her tail will go straight up, then come crashing down.

But this time, that tail came crashing down onto the aforementioned plastic bag, causing it to crinkle loudly, loud enough to wake Mocha up.

Poor cat.
I plan to do it to her again next time she's asleep on that bag.

Set the Clock, Lose Power

2007-03-31T13:00:00.000-05:00

Say, you know that clock on your microwave? You know, the one many of you probably don't use or don't know how to set - like the one on your VCR (for those who still have a VCR and know what it is)?

Well, mine is fairly easy to set. But there's a reason why I often don't set it.

The apartment complex I live in doesn't have the most reliable power system around. Anytime there is an inkling of foul weather, the power seems to go out - for a few seconds. Everything shuts off, and electronics which may have had settings just lost those settings. This includes my microwave.

Oddly, nearly every single time I take those 10 seconds to set my microwave clock, a day or two later, the power drops, usually when I'm out, and the clock goes bye-bye. Coincidence? Probably. Or maybe those microchips we put in all those electronic gadgets are working against me. Maybe my microwave, after years of faithful service, has decided, "You know what? I work hard at heating up that food, I shouldn't have to work doing anything else." Then it collaborates with its electronic buddies and somehow gets the power to drop.

*Cue Terminator music*

May I help you?

2007-03-29T15:00:00.000-05:00

Riddle me this:

Is there such a thing as being TOO helpful?

It's great when you're in need of assistance and someone is there to help you, but what if that someone won't stop helping you - even after you've already been helped?

Take for example my trip to Best Buy (hereafter known as BB).

To me, BB employees have always been overzealous. They're just always out to help you. Here's how my trip went:

(I walk in the door.)
BB "Greeter": Hello sir, how are you today?
Me: Fine, thanks.
(I Walk towards the back, to the PC software section.)
(BB Guy #1 rushes over to me.)
BB Guy #1: Hello sir, how are you? Can I help you find anything?
Me: I'm fine, and no. Thanks for asking though.
(BB Guy #1 moves on.)
(I look in the software section and move into another area.)
(BB Guy #2 spots me)
BB Guy #2: Hello sir, are you looking for anything specific I can help you find?
Me: No thank you. I'm just browsing right now.
BB Guy #2: Okay. My name's BB Guy #2 in case you need something.
(I continue browsing, then move a mere row over and start looking at the IPods.)
(BB Guy #2 walks over and moves directly across from me on the IPod display)
BB Guy#2: Still browsing? Tell me sir do you already own an IPod?
Me: Nope.
(I continue to look, completely ignoring BB Guy #2)
(BB Guy stands there a minute with a big smile on his face, as if desperately wanting me to ask him for help)
(I move on to another section)
(As I'm moving to the TVs, BB Gal spots me)
BB Gal: Hello sir, how are you today?
Me: Just fine thanks.
(I keep moving to the TV section)
BB Guy #3: Hello sir, how are you?
Me: Okay I guess.
(I look around in the TVs. BB Guy #3 moves off.)
(I circle around back to where I started in TVs after a few minutes. BB Guy #3 approaches)
BB Guy #3: Sir, do you have any questions? Can I help you find anything?
Me: No questions right now thanks. I'll let you know.
(BB Guy #3 moves off)
(BB Guy #4 heads my way but I move on.)
(As I'm heading towards the exit, BB Guy #5 spots me)
BB Guy #5: Hello sir -
Me: I'm fine, and I'm just looking.
(Dejected looking BB Guy #5 moves off)
(Moving through the exit)
BB "Greeter": Have a nice day sir!

Now, BB employees supposedly aren't on commission, but there's a fat bonus for people who make the most sales. That "free magazine offer" they try to convince you into taking when you're checking out? The managers push the employees to push those things. I even overheard one such manager do this to an employee. So to me it sounds not like people trying to help, but people trying to be your best friend so you'll let them help you buy something.

I'm all for helping customers when they need it. I'm all for friendly employees. But geez, can't I shop for 5 minutes without someone hovering over my shoulder? Many stores, someone will ask you if you need help, and when you say no, they basically just go "ok, well I'll be around if you need anything." They know people are grown up enough that if they need help, they will seek it. They don't need babysitting.

So, anyone else's thoughts?

Knock Knock

2007-03-27T12:25:00.000-05:00

I've long theorized that the wrists of most average adults don't work, or just don't work well. This is evident in the lack of people who can properly use their turn signals, flush toilets, and the like.

My theory also seems to be proven with people who can't knock on doors. You probably have to live in an apartment complex to see this on a regular basis. It might be the wrist problem, it might be simple laziness, or it could be a combination of the two.

The situation goes like this: someone comes to a dwelling to pick another someone up. The person doing the driving has three choices.

Choice #1: call the person in the dwelling on their cell phone. You'd think this would be the most popular choice, what with how much people love talking on their cell phones. But you don't see it all that much.
Choice #2: Park the car, get out, and go knock on the door or ring the doorbell. Civilized people prefer this method. Should the person in the dwelling be running late, or still have some things to do to get ready, then often the driver will be invited inside to wait.
And then there's choice #3, the course of action that seems to be the most popular in this day and age. And that's for the driver to sit in their car and blast their car horn until the person in the dwelling comes out and gets in the car. It, of course, is the choice I find most irritating.

All this does is tell me that the driver has no regards to anything and anyone. Car horns are typically very loud in a residential area - ESPECIALLY when its 11:00pm and people are trying to sleep. But hey, what does the driver care, they have to be somewhere sometime soon, and oh, their wrist doesn't work. They can't knock on a door. A doorbell would be just as easy to work as a car horn, but why take that chance?

Maybe I should start investing in wrist rests and wrist therapy products.

Thump Thump Thump Thump

2007-03-14T18:00:00.000-05:00

"Sit up straight!"
"Wipe your feet!"
"Don't talk with food in your mouth!"

These were common things I, and probably many of my generation, heard from adults while growing up. Likely they were just passing on the information they were force-fed when they were growing up. I'm talking some of the propaganda/short films that were prevalent in the 1950s and 1960s and shown in high school classrooms - stressing proper hygiene, the "proper" way to court a male/female, etc. I don't recall seeing many of those types of films in school, if it all. Granted it was <@@@@@!!!!!KEYBOARD ERROR!!!!!#####> years ago.

No matter how silly some of these demands from adults were, most of them stuck, and I'm much better for them. I just wish more people had been paying attention.

Every day I see people blindly ignoring these "simple" rules I was taught when I was young.

Rules like picking up my feet when I walk, part of the "proper posture" school of thought. When you pick up your feet, it is better for your overall posture, plus, you don't make any unnecessary noise. There must be a lot of people with poor posture out there, because as people walk by my desk at work, many times I can hear them coming from the distinctive THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP. These people make little if any effort to pick up their feet while walking, so you can hear them from several feet away as they drag their feet along the floor.

We've probably all met someone who fell asleep during the "proper hygiene" film. These people are identifiable from unpleasant body odor to dirt or food particles left on everything they touch. Sadly some people cannot even wash their hands after using the bathroom, even after going #2 - this in a place where other people use the same equipment you use! Frankly I'm thankful that at my office all the toilets are self-flush. The ones at the old office weren't, and it was sadly common to go into a stall to find someone else's unfinished business.

If there were a test on proper etiquette people would flunk it. People rarely treat their elders with respect anymore. Heck, they hardly treat people their own age with any respect. I still call people "sir" and "ma'am." I still say good morning, goodnight. A gentleman on my own team and work doesn't even have it in him to talk to anyone when he arrives, or at any part of the day for that matter. Other "rules of etiquette" I learned such as holding the door open for people and throwing trash away in the nearest trash receptacle - have apparently been lost. Many like to just toss trash aside. It disgusts me when I go up to the top floor of the parking garage at work and look down at the ground to see fields of cigarette butts and various garbage.

Do we need to bring those propaganda films back? Do we need to enforce the ideas of proper hygiene and etiquette on the latest generation of kids, so they might pass their "knowledge" to future generations? Is that fair to the kids to subject them to films and ideas like that? Well, seeing how things have been the last few years, I say teaching the kids some good manners might just be a good idea.

Once Again the World is Safe - But for How Long?

2007-03-11T11:15:00.000-05:00

Well, I feel like a chump. Here I've been held up in a bunker for a solid month dreading the inevitable doom that is Daylight Savings Time, and I come to find out it was Y2K all over again. There was no apocalypse. Oh, the wasted time I've spent in that bunker, when I could have been blogging, enjoying February sweeps on TV, experiencing the gorgeous weather, dating.. ok, well I probably didn't miss out much on the dating, but the point is, I missed out on a lot!

You see, back in 2005, Congress thought it would be a fun idea to extend Daylight Savings Time by about 4 weeks beginning in 2007. They would be starting it 3 weeks early, and then ending it 1 week later. So we Americans get to experience Daylight Savings from March through early November! Yay! I'm glad Congress did that, rather than figure out a National Health Care Plan, or improving Social Security. 4 more weeks of Daylight Savings is far more important. The problem here is that before this momentous decision, computers were already programmed to change their clocks in early April at the "usual" start of Daylight Savings. So anything programmed/built before 2005 wouldn't be able to automatically change time this morning! The horror! Professional Doomsayers and respected newspapers such as the National Enquirer predicted disaster of biblical proportions, as pre-2005 machines were very likely going to explode or turn on their masters in Terminator-esque fashion.

And so I protected myself, thinking one day I may have to become John Connor. Alas, the day began just as any other day would. And so, I emerge, embarrassed, and in serious need of a tan. Maybe the experts were wrong - in November, Daylight Savings will end 1 week later than normal - and we still may experience Armageddon. So I guess I'd better keep the bunker handy. Coincidentally, I am offering room and board in my bunker until then, must be a non-smoker.

I wonder, but I worry

2007-02-17T17:02:00.000-06:00

In a past post I have mentioned that I often fall asleep with the t.v. on. What I didn't mention is, that sometimes while the show continues its run, that it enters my dreams. It is an odd experience, dreaming of a show that is currently airing but while I am in my dream state,and I accept it as reality. When I wake-up and realize what was going I can't help but chuckle to myself. Just last night, I was watching an action packed "Justice League Unlimited" episode( the one where Superman fights Captain Marvel) then next thing I know I am dreaming the scene. I guess what happens is that my brain picks up the audio from the show and pumps it into my brain. I also guess my brain, is tired of having weird and depressing dreams and decided to "kick things up a notch" a bit. Something else that makes me wonder about this phenomena. How hard would it be to plant an idea or command into someone using this method? I dunno, but I hope my cat,Sniper, doesn't pick up on this idea. Oh, by the way have I ever mentioned that Sniper is the most wonderful, kind, and loving cat I ever knew. I most obey her and give her milk. I cannot deny her commands, resistance is futile. See yall soon (I hope).

V-Day

2007-02-14T02:40:00.000-06:00

V-day is here again and I am not incorrectly referring to the anniversary of the end of World War II. I am referring to the pointless V-day, also know as Valentine's Day. In a previous blog, Quizibuck truly defined what Valentine's Day is: Single Awareness Day (a.k.a. SAD). Yes, single/dateless people get to sit on the sidelines and watch the other half celebrate love with, cards, candy that come in heart shaped boxes, and roses. I know no one is being forced to watch the other half celebrate this day, but unless one is staying home all day, there is no way to avoid it. Being reminded of what you don't have has a funny way of rubbing a person the wrong way.

There are some advantages of being single and unattached, but to be honest my heart isn't in it. Originally, I planned to have a blog that puts a positive spin for us lonely people,that would help us get through this day, but I changed my mind during a restless night. I realized that in good conscience I cannot offer any positive ideas, because I do not feel positive on the subject. I hate to whine and complain on my blogs, but I have to be honest.

I am no longer in my 20's and I still have no girlfriend or any prospects for one. I consider myself to be a person who is generally courteous and is willing to improve one's self. This is not to say that I don't have my bad days (trust me I do). The one thing that gets me the most is that I see guys that are either act rude to their girlfriends (OK, you can call them assholes). Standing and seeing a guy treating their girlfriend like they own them is hard for me. Why aren't these men lonely, I have no clue. I still hope someday, that the right person will arrive. I still can't help myself on hoping for that, but I do wonder at times. So, what do I do till then? Well, the only thing I can do, continue to improve myself. So when, I find myself with a loved one I can be the best man I can be for her.

To the other half I say this: Celebrate till your heart is content, but keep us in your minds and hearts. Oh, and another thing, don't take all the candy. We like to get our share on the 15Th, when they are on clearance.

Your help is needed!

2007-02-13T23:17:00.001-06:00

We here at Battle Plan would like to make a request.

If we could all take a time out from the pink hearts, the flower delivery, the greeting card purchases, and make a point out the most desperate plight of those most brave people - the singles.

Yes, February 14 is Singles Awareness Day, a day where we draw attention to the single males and females of the world. Did you know that in the United States, about 27 percent of households are people living alone?

These poor souls need the help of those people who are dating, engaged, or married. Only by following one or more of the suggestions below will single men and women survive the entire day. All you folks in a relationship, donate generously!

Single people require mass quantities of chocolate for sustenance. During the month of February, chocolate production is in full swing, allowing single people to purchase chocolate in mass quantities for storage during the long weeks before Easter. So please, anyone in a relationship, avoid purchasing chocolate after February 14. Single people will be needing it.
Those in a relationship who live in apartment buildings, or quiet neighborhoods, please be aware that sound carries. Please move your beds as far away from the walls in preparation for intercourse. Consider playing music or movies so that single neighbors don't have to listen to your mating rituals. (Note: Fantasia, or any kids movie for that matter, is not an acceptable choice for a movie)
Relationship folks, stick to your normal feeding grounds on February 14, such as your romantic French restaurants - basically any place that has candles on the tables. Single people will be requiring the use of bars, fast food restaurants, and especially doughnut and ice cream places.
Baby talk and/or holding hands while swinging your arms in public places is not acceptable behavior on February 14. This behavior is likely to incite violence against you by single people.
If shopping, tip your clerk generously, where applicable. If while standing in line you notice the clerk is unhappy in any way, they are likely single, and were forced to work because all their co-workers in relationships called in sick. Do not show pity to these single people. Single people can sense pity, and are likely to lash out in anger.

These and other tips should ensure a safe and happy Singles Awareness Day. Being single is a growing problem, and with your help, the sponsors behind Singles Awareness Day hope to have the singles affliction wiped out completely by 2012. Want to know more about Singles Awareness Day? Leave a comment and we here at Battle Plan will be happy to help.

I want a new drug

2007-02-09T00:30:00.000-06:00

I was recently pointed in the direction of this article, while this article explains why many people haven't heard about it.

It seems that scientists cured cancer.

Okay, not exactly. Scientists in Canada discovered that a drug that's been used for years for metabolism disorders, can kill cancer cells. While many people's opinion would have you believe that the reason this hasn't gotten out is because the drug is cheap, wouldn't profit the drug companies, and therefore the drug companies are suppressing it. In reality, clinical trials have not yet begun on humans, so there is no guarantee it works yet.

That doesn't let the drug companies off the hook though. The above info does offer me a segue way into a topic I've been meaning to discuss. The past few years have seen the American public get bombarded with ads for drugs. Drugs that will help you sleep, that will stop your allergies, that lower cholesterol, and offer "natural male enhancement." It seems no matter the ailment, the drug companies have a cure for you.

Sure, the drugs will cost a lot of money, but it's a small price to pay for wellness, right? Oh, and there might be a few side effects as well. Just listen to the fast-talking guy at the end of the commercials, he'll run off that list of side effects for you. I find it peculiar though, that in an ad for a sleep aid, one of the side effects was drowsiness. Oh really?? A sleep aid might make me sleepy as a side effect? Oh, and I forgot what drug it was, but one of the side effects listed was death. Yes, you read that right. DEATH.

And yet many doctors in private practice are willing to pawn these drugs off to you without hesitation. A few years back I went into the doctor for what reason I can't recall, but it certainly wasn't cholesterol related. And yet the doctor miraculously pointed out my cholesterol could use some lowering, and gave me the latest thing in cholesterol-lowering drugs. It felt like the office scene in What About Bob. It was like, "you know, this revolutionary new drug just came on the market...ahh!"

I don't have the best health insurance in the world (like much of the U.S.) so my miracle drug cost..well, let's say it was a lot. Needless to say I didn't refill the prescription. That's the big kick in the pants for most people. These pills probably don't cost much to make, but they sure as heck will charge you a ton of money for them. Many people can't afford such drugs. I used to enjoy my parents' government health insurance. It covered just about everything. Antidepressants didn't cost all that much. But once I went "out on my own" with the health insurance, I had to (dangerously) phase out my antidepressants, because bottles cost well over $100.

That's the big annoyance in all this: money. People in the pharmaceutical companies make big bucks. They push the drugs on the private practice doctors, who then also make big bucks. In the meantime, the doctors who do the "real" medicine - the ones in the hospitals and emergency rooms - typically don't make all that much. And the people who need the care can't afford all that much either. Forget about getting sick or injured, people - we simply can't afford it. Strange to think our health care system lags behind so many other countries.

The pharmaceutical companies KNOW they are gouging the populace with the prices. And the populace, being the geniuses we are, still buy the drugs. After all, we "need" them. At least that's what the commercials are telling us. You won't get a good night's sleep without our drugs (despite many home remedies). You won't lower your cholesterol without our drugs (despite many foods that lower it). Oh and men, your wife won't love you if you don't naturally enlarge your man parts.

But guess what, people. The medical community just isn't that smart sometimes! Cocaine used to be a medical treatment. Oh, and doctors used to do commercials for cigarettes.

That's not to say I won't fall into the "natural" cure trap. (Admit it, you've seen his book in stores and thought about purchasing it) Nope, I'm just left to accept the truth. I can't escape the plethora of drug ads on TV. I can't escape private practice doctors pushing drugs on me. Oh well. I'm out of things to say. Is there a drug that will help that?

Place your bets!

2007-02-04T16:00:00.000-06:00

Super Bowl 41 (or, "XLI" as the fancy-pants NFL likes to call it) is quickly approaching and will be played tonight. The Super Bowl has always been a haven for people getting together and having a gool 'ol party. But it's also been a haven for betting types. For all you gambling addicts, here are some of the things you can bet on for the big game:

Whether the rendition of the National Anthem is under or over a certain length
Who wins the coin toss
Whether the coin toss is heads or tails
Who scores first
Who scores last
Who scores the first field goal
Who scores the first touchdown
Whether or not there is a safety
Whether or not there is a two point conversion
Whether or not there is a missed field goal
Whether the first field goal is wide left or wide right
Whether or not there will be a coaches challenge,
Who will be the coach to issue the challenge,
Whether the challenge will be upheld or overturned
Points scored
First team to have a turnover
Whether or not a streaker will run across the field
How many Budweiser beer commercials there will be

And that's just for starters! Hurry up, time's running out!

Um, okay then..

2007-01-28T14:00:00.000-06:00

Does anyone know why when in my previous post, I used the term "breadcrumbs" and the first "correction" the spell checker tried to suggest to me was "bridegroom?"

I can see it now.. "and if I had some bridegrooms I would have used those on top!!"

*scratches head*

Tales from the Kitchen!!

2007-01-28T13:45:00.000-06:00

One has to wonder if a large number of recipes out there are a result of someone trying a completely different recipe and either messing up, or substituting ingredients because they were out of whatever they needed. Like if someone was trying to make brownies and ended up with blondies.

I had a similar experience the other night, where I was forced to make some substitutions. I feared the worst, but I ended up with good results. I was wanting to make a tuna noodle casserole (yes, I wanted to make one) and so I looked on one of my best friends when it comes to cooking, Recipezaar. I found a recipe that looked like it had everything in it that I wanted, and set out to make it the next night. The following day I was at the grocery store and did some shopping.

Lo and behold, I did what I end up doing a lot - forgetting ingredients completely, and not realizing it until I got home. And I REALLY did want to have to go back out again. So, I just made some creative decisions and substituted some things that I had in the pantry and refrigerator, hoping everything would turn out fine. I didn't find the odd veggie brand the recipe called for, so I decided to use some frozen vegetables I had. I forgot milk, and I didn't have really enough to spare, so I used some cream I had from another recipe. No egg noodles, so I used some whole wheat rotitni. No mayo (which I don't particularly like anyway) , so I used yogurt. The recipe also didn't have enough tuna to my liking, so I added more. It ended up like this:

1 can of cream of celery soup
1/2 cup milk (Cream did in a pinch)
1/2 cup yogurt
8 oz. cooked and drained pasta
1 1/2 cups frozen veggies (uncooked)
2 cans tuna (I spoiled myself and used albacore)
a couple of handfuls of shredded cheese
spices to taste (anything will do. I used some old bay)
and if I had some breadcrumbs I would have used those on top!!

Anywho I mixed all the above together in a casserole dish, put the top on it, and cooked it at 350 for maybe 35-45 minutes (I didn't time it exactly) and was rewarded with a creamy and rather tasty tuna noodle casserole. It even reheated well the next day!

So I guess substitutions can be a good thing. Especially in angel food cakes. But that's another..

TALE FROM THE KITCHEN!!

Panned

2007-01-26T19:00:00.000-06:00

The nominations for this year's Academy Awards were announced earlier this week. The film Pan's Labyrinth earned 6 nominations, including best foreign language film, makeup, art direction, music, original screenplay, and cinematography. And probably for the first time since Return of the King, I'm rooting for a movie at the Oscars.

I never really root for anything at the Oscars, since most of the time, the Academy Awards are just a display of "it's the best movie made this year because we said it is." I've never been much for being told what I should and shouldn't like. The American public has already pretty much decided what the best movie of the year is - Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest. The movie made over $400 million in the United States, and totaled over $1 billion worldwide. Does that make it the best movie made last year? No, but it does tell me that it was good enough to keep people coming back again and again to see it. But Dead Man's Chest was only nominated in the technical categories. Other movies, many some of you may never even heard of, were nominated as the best movie of the year.

The Academy Awards also seem to be an exercise in peer pressure. The "popular" movies - that is, popular to critics - almost always seem to win. Sure, there's the "upset" and the "snub" here and there, but for the most part, where most critics go, the others will surely follow. Almost as if to say, "if I don't vote for Movie Y, the others will think I'm a wuss!" In the end, I always follow a quote from William Friedkin, director of The Exorcist. He said, "if a film is liked by the critics and the audience, it's probably a great film. If a film is liked by the audience, it's still probably a great film. If a movie is only liked by the critics, it's a piece of crap."

Moving on to Pan's Labyrinth, it's just not widespread enough to find a large audience. But from what I've seen, the audience that has found it has enjoyed it, and critics seem to agree. Don't let whatever ads or trailers you might have seen fool you. This is no fantasy film. It's set in 1944 Spain, and it's subtitled. The story follows a girl whose mother marries a Captain in the Spanish Army, and moves to a mill in the mountains near a large labyrinth. As the war story unfolds around her, the girl follows a series of quests to reclaim her birthright as princess of the underworld. Is it real? Or is this just a Spanish version of Calvin & Hobbes set in World War II? You be the judge. All I can say is that this was a very engrossing film, and for those able to see it, I recommend it. All this from the director of films like Blade II, Mimic, and Hellboy! Just be wary that the movie is rated R, and features some brutal, often hard to watch, violence (unless you enjoy watching people do their own stitches on their faces).

This is one movie I'll be rooting for come February 25!

The Battleplan.blogspot.com Bowl

2007-01-01T13:30:00.000-06:00

It's been college football "Bowl Season" for a couple of weeks now, with the premier games being played today and within the next few days.

Traditionally, there have been few Bowl games that actually meant something - games like the Orange Bowl, Sugar Bowl, Cotton Bowl, and Rose Bowl.

As for the other Bowl games - well, I hate to break it to you, some college football teams - they just don't mean anything. There's been a record number of Bowl games this college football season. So it's not like they're inviting the best of the best to the bowl games. Teams that were 6-6 during their regular season have the chance to play.

So why are they playing? Money, of course. The teams involved share a payout given by the sponsor of the bowl game. It's as "little" as $250,000 and as much as $17 million. Imagine that. A team that has achieved a state of mediocrity for the season - winning as many games as they've lost - can receive quite a sum of money. Sure, it's a big deal for some of the smaller colleges, but for the ones with big sports programs, it's just more money to throw into the pile. And is the money going into the school? Not likely. More likely the money gets put into the sports program, rather than going towards improving academics. I read an article a few years back that said close to half of colleges going to bowl games were on track to graduate less than 50% of their players at the end of the college year. It's not like these players are guaranteed a job in the NFL, either. So where does that leave them? Shouldn't some of that money go towards academics then?

Speaking of money, many companies are paying it out to get "sponsorship" of many of these bowl games. The narrator in Fight Club quips at one point, that when we colonize space, it will be the corporations that name everything - like the Microsoft Galaxy. Sadly, it's not too far off. Most of the new sports stadiums these days are named after companies (Minute Maid Park in Houston - gag!), and now many of the bowl games bear the names of the corporations that sponsor them.

Say goodbye to the Humanitarian Bowl - say hello to the MPC Computers Bowl! The Copper Bowl is history, replaced by the Insight Bowl. The Florida Citrus Bowl has made way for the Capital One Bowl. Hall of Fame Bowl? Not anymore. Now it's the Outback Bowl (for Outback Steakhouse, of course). Where as a college player I may have been proud to represent my team in the Peach Bowl, now I get to represent my team in the Chick-Fil-A Bowl. Of course new bowl games pop up each year. A new entry this season was the Papajohns.com Bowl. Yes, you read that right - the Papajohns.com Bowl. Don't get me wrong, I love Papa John's Pizza, but the name "Papajohns.com Bowl" is absolutely horrid. I'd be embarrassed to tell someone I was playing in that game. But that's just me. At least my team would still be sharing in a payout of $300,000.

Get real, NCAA. Do we really need over two dozen bowl games? It's not like they have the pageantry of regular season games. If a regular fan of a college team wants to go to a bowl game for their team, often they have to travel out of state and pay large ticket fees. Can you afford a ticket to the Fiesta Bowl? $2,500 for the worst seats? I sure can't. Maybe if those teams would share some of the hundreds of thousands of dollars they got for just showing up.

It's a Horse! No, it's a moth! No, it's a Butterfly!

2006-12-31T09:22:00.000-06:00


Something I caught on "Countdown with Keith Olbermann" on MSNBC. I love how at the end the guy tries to divert attention away from his mistake.

The 12(more or less) signs of Christmas

2006-12-22T14:00:00.000-06:00

Did Christmas just sort of sneak up on you this year? Are you scrambling to purchase and/or mail those packages out to your family members?

Ask yourself, how did you come to be in this predicament? If it's because your lazy, a procrastinator, or like shopping at this time of year (you crazy person you), no need to continue further. Now, if you are one of those people who needs constant reminders that hey, Christmas is coming, and I need to get some things done, well, this might be for you.

Using this handy guide, you'll be able to spot sure fire signs that Christmas is coming, and exactly how long you have left until the big J's birthday.

Two months to go (roughly November 1): Halloween decorations and items mysteriously disappear from stores overnight, only to replaced by Christmas decorations and items. Most common are mint-flavored candies.

A month and a half to go: When watching television, all the movie advertisements you see start using the phrase, "this holiday season."

Just over a month to go: Holiday-themed songs start appearing sporadically on in-store radios.

One month to go: It's Friday, you've got tons of leftovers (mainly turkey), and for some reason people are getting up at 5am to head to Wal-Mart.

Just under a month to go: Santa Claus, Christmas trees, and holiday-themed songs start making appearances in most commercials you see on television.

3 weeks to go: Holiday-themed songs are now the only songs you hear on in-store radios.

2 1/2 weeks to go: People wearing Santa hats and ringing bells next to a big red pot are now loitering in front of your favorite stores.

2 weeks to go: You catch "It's a Wonderful Life" on television.

1 1/2 weeks to go: All the spam you're receiving from the online stores you frequent start adding the phrase "there's still time" to their subject lines.

1 week to go: Anytime you are near a major shopping center, the number of cars seems to have increased.

4 days to go: Strangely, there is more Eggnog than actual milk in the Dairy section.

3 days to go: People start adding the phrase "Happy Holidays" to the end of their sentences.

2 days to go: Those trees you've seen on sale for some reason in front of stores? Well now the price has doubled on them.

1 day to go: Anytime you are near a major shopping center, you get stuck in traffic, get honked at incessantly, and unless your imagining things, that woman in the Santa hat just gave you the finger.

Well, I hope this guide will serve you well next holiday season. Just look for the signs and Happy Holidays! (see? 3 days to go!)

Wretched hive of scum and villainy

2006-12-10T14:00:00.000-06:00

Prepare yourself. If my last "hero origin" post wasn't nerdy enough for you, well, get ready for more nerdy content. This content may not be suitable for "cool people."

This past October, our group of supervillains celebrated its one year anniversary on City of Villains.

When we founded the group, we felt that our group needed a name that stood for the exact opposite of our superhero group. So, since Battle Plan stood mainly for a structured, calculated plan of attack, we wanted a supervillain group name that stood for disorder. We ended up borrowing a line from Ian Malcolm and named them Chaos Theory.

Thus far, the origins of our villains our very similar in that they are "tragic" villains. People that at one point led a seemingly normal life until tragic circumstances led them into a life of villainy. And, in true comic book form, some of the villains share a link to our heroes (It makes for good conflict). I'm sure my co-contributor will follow with his villains, but for now, here are the tragic stories behind my members of Chaos Theory.

Emicrania - We thought it might be fun to create villains based on our cats. Well, kind of. while the villains' origins and personalities are of course nothing like our cats, we felt the powers they possess fit our cats perfectly. Take Emicrania - Spanish for migraine. She has sonic powers, like sonic screams or what not. Get it? Because Mocha is loud. (Mocha edit: And I've been holding back, too!) Emicrania was born with feline features. She still ended up with a somewhat normal upbringing. Her father homeschooled her, but her mother wanted nothing to do with her and was abusive towards Emicrania. It all built up until at one point during a confrontation with her mother, Emicrania yelled so loud the house came down, ending the lives of her parents. She wandered around, enduring intolerance wherever she went. Determined she would never be accepted, she turned to a life of crime.

Phytolacca - A genetically engineered sentient plant "built" via material from the villain group Devouring Earth. Phytolacca was trained as a hero under the wing of Longbow troops. After becoming a skilled agent, he learned a terrible truth. Longbow had designed him to infiltrate the Devouring Earth, at which time Longbow would activate a genetic "bomb" from inside Phytolacca, designed to destroy the Devouring Earth, and him with them. With a newfound affection towards his "brethren" in the DE, Phytolacca visited a group of DE, only to be "rejected" by the DE, due to his artificial nature. In a fit of rage he destroyed the group of DE, then returned to the Longbow base to exact revenge. He managed to destroy the trigger to the genetic bomb before the Longbow defeated him, disavowed any knowledge of him, and threw him in prison. He escaped and is now an outcast from both humans and DE. He vows to destroy both.

Spilled Blood - Lived in the times of the Salem witch trials, where accusations ran rampant. His wife was accused of being a witch and burned at the stake. He never once defended his wife during the trial. As an act of revenge, his wife's sisters learned actual magic and cast a spell on him, one which turned him into a large wolf-like creature. The townsfolk attacked him, despite his pleas that he was no monster. They ended up burning him at the stake, at which time he swore he was innocent of wrongdoing, at one day, when innocent blood was spilled on the ground which he was burned, he would return to wreak vengeance. In modern times, this curse became realized, and he was reanimated in his beastly form, this time with powers that allowed him to manipulate darkforce. His only goal is to find those descendants of the ones who wronged him, no matter how innocent those people are.

Verruckt - Brother to the superhero Dionaea. Verruckt developed his mutant telepathic and telekenetic abilities at a much younger age than his sister, abilities he used to his advantage. He cheated in school, and tortured bullies that tormented him when he was younger. But due to his young age, he wasn't able to adapt to his abilities as well as a teenager would have, and his mind began to warp. He slowly began losing his mind and was indirectly reponsible for his parents' divorce. He went with his father while his sisters stayed with their mother. Verruckt's mind became so warped his father had no choice but to commit him. He was committed to an asylum secretly run by Crey Industries. A doctor there attempted to harness Verruckt's abilities, but there was a freak accident that destroyed half of the asylum. Verruckt survived despite losing part of his skull. He wound up in prison after an insane rampage. Verruckt has a small grip on reality. In the rare moments he does appear sane, he acts very much like the child he was before his powers emerged. Otherwise, he is barely coherent. (On a side note, I love playing him while "in character." Also, "Verruckt" is German for "lunatic.")

Zwietracht - A skilled historian and archaeologist who discovered a buried temple to Eris, Goddess of discord. As she was unearthing and restoring the temple, a battle between super-powered foes erupted nearby. Despite her pleas for the combatants to stop, the fighting continued, and she ended up buried in the rubble of the temple. She was awakened by the spirit of Eris, who offered her great power as long as she acted as Eris' agent on Earth. She accepted, wanting vengeance on the superpowered. However, the rush of power was too much, and she became convinced she was Eris herself, and adopted the German name for "discord." She traveled to Paragon City, where her rampage was halted by Statesman himself. Statesman is in essence Zeus incarnate, so Zwietracht believed she has been punished by Zeus. As she escaped prison, she resolved to earn the god's favor by embracing the ideals of Eris.

And now, to prepare myself for the odd glares I'll be receiving.

PLEASE buy something!! I'll be your friend!

2006-11-30T06:00:00.000-06:00

The life of a salesperson must be a tough one. To have your livelihood depending on your ability to make a sale - it's hard to imagine. I think there are good salespeople out there. Ones that will make you feel like you want to buy something from them - and not the other way around.

I was at the mall yesterday, waiting out the work being done on my car. There I was strolling along, minding my own business, when a salesperson stopped me. I knew he was trying to sell me something, but hey, I had time, might as well indulge him.

He proceeded to have me show him my nails, and then he took me over to give me a "manicure" of sorts. Some magic thing-a-ma-bobber(patent pending) that was "all natural." Through the whole thing I continued to indulge him. To be honest, the results were pretty nice. He even had me pick out a scented hand lotion - I picked some honey-scented concoction. Then began the sale. He went on and on about how much professional manicures cost, and that the product he was selling was $69.99, but I could get it for $29.99. He insisted that this was a "special" and surprise surprise, it just so happened to be today only. What fantastic odds!

This guy came on really strong. He was making it sound as if my life depended on this product, and how easier my life would be, and what a deal I was getting. Now getting annoyed, I told him I'd think about it and get back to him. I turned to leave. I was a few feet away when he called me back. Sigh. He then turned to the "hard sell." He blew it right off the bat when he told me "I can see you're worried about the cost" (not it at all - I had no use for magic nail and hand purifier (patent pending)). He calls me over closer to him - as if he was being surveiled by someone. He told me *gasp* I would get his price on it! He pulled out receipts of other people to prove to me the price they were paying (for what point, I'm not sure) and then asked me to make him a deal. He'd give me "his" price as long as I told people about the place and some other crap. He then punched in the secret price into a calculator so no one would see it, as if seeing it would cause mobs of people to rush the kiosk. Lucky me!! $19.99! Shhhh! Don't tell!!

By then I was REALLY annoyed, for many a reason - such as when I checked my phone because I thought I had a message (he made a comment on that), and such as his just overall creepy aura about him (whispering and calling me over close to him). I told him AGAIN I'd get back to him and high tailed it out of there, giving him a dirty look all the while and shaking my head. He looked as if I just stabbed him in the back.

I then proceeded to walk outside to pass him on the way back. I came in on the other side of the mall and passed another kiosk selling the same stuff. One salesperson there tried to stop me, but I kept on walking.

To this salesperson, I say this. I don't care how wonderfully amazing your product is. I don't care that it's all natural. That it will make my hands look great. That it will make a great gift. That I'm saving so much money. That going to a manicurist is expensive. The second you start monopolizing my time, chiding my attempt to check my messages, and just overall being a creep, that's when you lose a sale. Had to you taken my comment to "get back to you" to heart the first time, I might have had a better reaction to you. You could have gone "I understand, take some time to think about it, we'll be here," I would have had some respect for you. But then you begged. Bad move.

By the way, I can't get the bloody scent off my hands, and the lotion was greasy as a fish sandwich from McDonald's.

A salute to those brave people...

2006-11-25T07:05:00.000-06:00

...that went shopping and that worked at retail stores on "Black Friday," the day after Thanksgiving.

To the shoppers, you are an inspiration ... for there rest of us to stay home. There's nothing quite like driving to work in the morning and passing both a Fry's Electronics, Best Buy, and Walmart, all with lines outside and full parking lots.. to make you thankful you're not at those stores. Honestly, I have a bad enough time as it is shopping at a crowded store, but now you're going to throw in more people AND bargain priced electronics? No thanks. As a whole, crowds are rude enough, but add in a great sale, and they'd probably be willing to trample you to get something.

But the people to be really proud of are the workers. To have to deal with people on a day like yesterday. Large crowds, highly coveted items.. add that to the mob mentality, and people trying to price match other stores.. talk about a headache. Plus most of these workers probably aren't making much more than minimum wage, and are not likely getting any kind of bonus for working on Black Friday. So for that, I salute you! Now about that sold-out flat screen TV...

Next Gen..of slackers

2006-11-16T21:00:00.000-06:00

Sony's Playstation 3 gets released tomorrow. It is the latest in "next gen" console gaming. It's also something that all the hardcore console gamers apparently want to get their hands on.

I went by Best Buy (by Best Buy? sounds weird) to browse today. There were a bunch of guys camped out (literally...they had tents and everything) at the front of the store. I was confused, but only for a moment. They were there apparently to get their hands on a Playstation 3 the next day.

Why do it? Why camp out in front of a store for over 24 hours so you can be one of the first to shell out 300-something odd dollars for a game console? So you can have bragging rights? "Hey, I got myself a Playstation 3?" Because you have to experience the "next evolution" in console gaming? (at least until the Nintendo Wii comes out) More importantly, do you have jobs? Are you calling in sick to buy a Playstation? Are your rich parents paying for one?

Who knows. But they're certainly enforcing the stereotype of the hardcore console gamer. The stereotype of a person who just sits around for hours on end punching buttons on a controller. The stereotype of a slacker. So well done, guys! I suppose I''ll see some of you on the evening news tonight, eh?

EDIT: Yep, there were some news stories on these people. Apparently some of them don't even care about playing the Playstation 3. They want to buy one so they can turn around and sell it on EBay for a hefty profit. Yay capitalism!

Yes, Virginia, there are dry counties

2006-11-15T15:15:00.000-06:00

I had a peculiar experience whilst shopping for groceries the other day.

A man stopped me and asked where the beer was.

I told him, "they don't sell alcohol at this store."

He asked if there were any other stores nearby that did.

"Nope. This is a dry county. No alcohol."

The revelation seemed baffling to the man, but his wife/girlfriend found it to be entertaining. "Ha ha ha! I've never heard of a dry county before! See, we're from Daytona Beach.."

I tried explaining to him where he might get some alcohol in a county not too far from where we were, but he gave the old "I'm not from around here" and refused to hear any directions from me. Still, he thanked me and he walked off, with the woman laughing all the while.

Yes...there are dry counties. I didn't appreciate the laughter at the expense of where I live. The people reacted as if I had just told them the Easter bunny was cleaning a spill on aisle 4 and that the Loch Ness Monster was behind them checking egg cartons for cracked eggs.

The "Dry county" shouldn't be a hard concept to understand. Some counties are dry because they are highly religious communities who don't approve of alcohol; some counties probably do it to try to prevent drunk driving.

But quite frankly, I'm not surprised someone couldn't understand that, coming from Daytona Beach and all...

Door Entry 101

2006-11-09T20:30:00.000-06:00

Hello, class, this is Door Entry 101. Those of you looking for Professor Farnsworth's class, Mathematics of Quantum Neutrino Fields, that's next door.

75 percent of students who take my class fail it, so pay attention and take notes!

In this class we will discuss the proper way to enter a door.

We'll be learning things like, when you go to a store with separate "Enter" and "Exit" doors, the correct door to use when entering the store is "Enter," while when you are leaving, you use the "Exit" door. This is true even when both doors are 2-way.

Young man!! No talking in class!!

We'll also delve deeply into one of the most difficult of door entries, the double door. You'll find out that the double door system is just like driving. You always use the right side. This way if you are entering a door while another person is coming the other direction, you can both use the door without slamming it into someone's face! I wrote my dissertation on this subject.

What? The bell already?

So be it. For homework please observe people entering doorways and count how many do it incorrectly. You'll see why so many fail my course!

(Political) Party Lines

2006-11-05T21:30:00.000-06:00

Election Day is fast approaching here in the U.S., arriving November 7.

For me, it can't come fast enough.

Over the past few months, and especially the last month, we've seen vast campaigning by incumbent and potential Senators, Congressmen, Governors, and more. The political parties are slinging so much mud that my car got stuck on the way to work this morning, and millions are being made in the car wash market.

Some weeks back, a widely known Republican was accused of sending racy emails to the teenage Congressional pages. He quickly resigned, and talk of a vast cover-up surfaced, that apparently these racy emails had been going on for some time.

This came on the heels of a few other Republican controversies, and some, including President Bush, cried foul. He called it "convenient" that all these things were being reported so close to election time. Jon Stewart retorted, "yes, how convenient that something is reported after it happens!" John Kerry was vilified for a speech where he told students who didn't study hard could get "stuck in Iraq." Kerry was urged to apologize - and he did - to the United States Armed Forces. I thought it was a horrible thing to say - until I read the full text of the speech. Kerry was basically calling George Bush stupid. Is that better? Not really. But in this climate, such a thing can be devastating.

This "conspiracy" against political parties goes even further. Some Republicans thought it "convenient" that North Korea began testing nuclear weapons, coincidentally around election time. Somehow this was a bid to take the Republicans out of power. And just today, Saddam Hussein was sentenced to death in Iraq. How convenient, thought the Democrats. Somehow this was a stunt to show the war in Iraq was worth it, swaying votes to the Republicans. Yes, somehow world events are happening that are a direct impact on the election, and these events are being arranged by the Republicans and Democrats.

And so it has gone on, in what I think has to be one of the dirtiest campaign seasons I've known. It's no longer "I have respect for my opponent," it's "my opponent eats babies." President Bush has gotten on the campaign trail, supporting his fellow Republicans. His speeches, at least the parts that I've heard, make it sound as if a vote for a Democrat is a vote for a psychotic axe-murderer who will come into your house at night and kill you in your sleep.

It seems Congress and the Senate has turned into a high school dominated by cliques. A Democrat can't be seen with a Republican, or he/she just wouldn't be "cool." Any hope of a bi-partisan solution on certain issues seems doomed because it's our way or the highway. No gray area. Either your really Republican or really Democrat. If you don't agree with the party majority or don't use those talking points, you're just not part of the party.

Again, this is just the impression that I get. It could be something that the media has cooked up - or it could just be something that the media is accentuating, which they have a BIG tendency to do on many issues. For all we know this is yet another conspiracy concocted by the government, a conspiracy drawn up to get us all more interested in politics and more interested in voting.

In his farewell address, our first president, George Washington, commented on the evils of political parties, and said that the parties that had developed at the time should come together for the good of the country. He also urged that morality was a "necessary spring of popular government." Wow. Why have these words been forgotten? Morality is not something I've seen awhile from many a politician.

I just don't see how these candidates can publicly flog their opponents and expect us to trust them in office. You've just thrown someone in front of a bus, you deserve my vote!

Ugh. But anyway. I'm tired of all the negativity. I get enough negativity in real life, I don't need it force fed me on TV. This is why I can't wait for the elections to be done.

Now that's just weird..

2006-11-02T11:45:00.000-06:00

Holiday-time can be strange around local stores. At least when it comes to decorations.

Take one of the grocery stores I shop at. Throughout October, they of course had Halloween decorations, mostly in the form of inflatable yard decorations you could purchase. Inflatable Jack-o-lantern, inflatable "graveyard," etc.

But the strange thing I found in my visit there yesterday was that, along with all the inflatable Halloween stuff, right in the middle, they had an inflatable Nativity scene for Christmas. Yes, a Nativity scene smack dab in the middle of a bunch of "ghoulish" Halloween decorations.

Now that's just weird.

Celebrity Birthdays!

2006-10-28T07:00:00.000-05:00

October 27 -
My sister-in-law turns 30!

October 28 -
My fellow Battle Plan contributor turns 72 or 16, emotionally, depending on the day. Which makes him 2 years older than me in both instances. (He's the mature one)

Also, some woman named Julia Roberts has a birthday today...apparently she's in movies. I know, I haven't heard of her, either.

Happy birthday to all!

Small town state of mind

2006-10-25T11:00:00.000-05:00

Well, last time I briefly delved into people living in small towns. I've primarily lived in small towns most of my life, with perhaps Lubbock, Texas being my only "smaller" town I've been a resident of.

But even with Lubbock, I noticed people to be a bit friendlier than it's big-town counterparts.

Good, friendly people seemed to be the norm in the several small towns that surrounded the resort where my parents and I stayed. My parents would frequently ask locals questions about local attractions, local food, and other questions that most large town people would answer with "look in the phone book," and the locals would assist without hesitation. If we had a map on us, they would trace the path, but even if we didn't, they'd give good directions. A local had recommended Mount Greylock, which perhaps we may never have gone to by ourselves.

Even at the "tourist-y" spots where I'm sure even the friendliest person would tire of all the inconsiderate visitors and grow bitter after awhile, courtesy ruled the day. A shopowner gladly helped when we stopped by, even when my parents showed an interest in a souvenir hedgehog that many might find "tacky."

Besides the friendliness, I also enjoyed the variety in foods in the small towns.

When you live in a big city, you tend to be "stuck" with the same kind of restaurants. It's almost as if city planners think "well, we've got a lot of people, so we'd better keep things familiar as to not offend anyone." And so, Red Lobster, Applebees, Olive Garden, and the like spring up all over the place. Anyone opening a Chinese restaurant, even those with great and varied cooking skills, seems to stick to the same menu. I all gets very boring after awhile. And you only seem to run into "local" restaurants by mistake.

In the small towns, I don't recall once encountering "chain" restaurants, with the exception of maybe McDonalds and Dunkin Donuts (on a side note, Dunkin Donuts ALWAYS seemed to have a line of cars in its drive-thru, even at 2pm). Sure, there were a lot of "Italian" restaurants and "bistros," but they were all locally-owned, and I'm sure, had different menus. On a couple of occasions we went to a local coffee shop for breakfast, where they had fresh-baked goods such as scones and croissants of different varieties. They even had a delicious item called a "cinnamon rose," which was like a cinnamon roll in muffin form (if that makes sense).

Imagine finding a place like that in a large city. It's a difficult task. It would be hard for a place like that to compete with the Starbucks of the world. But I assure you if I did find one like it, I would probably be a regular there. I think it would be great to head to one and enjoy a nice Chai tea while reading a book. Sure, you can do that at a Starbucks, but it's just not the same.

My dad was pleased that we didn't see a Wal-Mart anywhere close to where we traveled. It was all locally-owned stores.

The trip definitely made me long for life in a smaller town. Would I get by without my multi-plex theaters, without my fancy electronics stores? It would be an adjustment I'm sure, but I could probably do it. It would be a small price to pay to live in a town where everyone knows your name (to quote Cheers).

Discourtesy in flight

2006-10-23T09:15:00.000-05:00

Well, I just got back from vacation Saturday, and going there and back, I was in 3 different planes, 3 different airports, spending roughly 7 1/2 hours in flight.

I had no issues with the airports and their even-more-heightened-than-last-time security. I had no carry-on baggage, so it was just a matter of emptying my pockets, removing my jacket and shoes, and passing through the metal detector.

I didn't have much of an issue with the airline, either. The flights went without incident.Though I think having to pay $2 minimum for food of any kind after I just paid $300 for tickets is kind of a joke.

No, my only issues with the flights and the airports were my old enemies, discourteous people.

On the way there, I had the unfortunate luck of having to sit in the middle seat. The woman in the aisle seat presented no problems, but the gentleman in the window seat obviously had no concept of personal space. I kept getting elbowed by his outstretched arm. And although there was a clear division in leg room/footspace, his leg and foot kept finding its way into my space, occasionally stepping on my toes. This continued despite my protests to him.

The return flights were nothing too major. On the first flight a woman was sitting in my seat, but she was sitting next to her young daughter, so I didn't mind (besides, it gave me the singular window seat). I also sat in the window seat on the second flight, this time next to a boy perhaps in his early teens. He had a somewhat unsettling habit of leaning forward or to the side to glimpse out the window. We were over the wing and facing the sun, creating an uncomfortable glare and heat. This caused me to keep the shade mostly closed, except for some reading light. I obliged the boy when we passed over "landmarks" such as the Mississippi River,and when we were landing. He gave an annoyed grunt as I gathered my belongings before landing, as I was "blocking" his view for a whole minute. Not terribly inconsiderate, but still, a bit annoying.

Most of my ire, however, is reserved for those people at the baggage claims. I don't quite understand people there. They rush to get to the baggage claim, as if thinking that their luggage will magically appear as soon as they get there. Then, when it doesn't magically appear, they stand right against the track, blocking everyone's view and path to get to their bags. On the way home there was a nice gap that allowed me to see the bags coming off of the track and to let me get in quickly to grab my bag. I stood up against the wall, allowing a wide berth. In the course of 5 minutes 4 men came in and filled the gap. When my bag finally came, I went in to take it, and the men barely budged. Come on, people, by now you should realize it may be awhile before your bags show up. Might as well be considerate and hang back a little.

But, these minor annoyances didn't get to me too much, because the rest of the people I encountered on my trip were some of the most considerate people I've encountered in quite some time. Any time we talked to some one, they politely answered our questions, laughed at our jokes, or gave helpful directions without so much as a grimace. Maybe it's true about small town people, that they just don't have the stressors that usually create rudeness. But small town living is a talk for next time..

State Fair (unfair when it comes to prices)

2006-10-14T14:30:00.000-05:00

Ever lived in an area for a long time, but never actually gone to some well-known event/attraction? You know, say you've lived in New York and never been to the Statue of Liberty.

Well, I've been in the Dallas area for about 5 years now, and I've never been to the Texas State Fair. My brother and his wife, who have been here longer than me, have never been, either.

Thursday night we decided enough is enough, and we headed to the Fair. Admission varied, depending on where you got the tickets or if you had a Coke product with you. We didn't know about the Coke thing, so we got our "advance" tickets at a local grocery store, for about $1.50 less than what they charged at the gate. Now that's savings!

The Texas State Fair was mostly carnival-based, with some attractions mixed in (mini-museums, etc.), as well as some other things like arts-and-crafts sales and an auto show. The area near where we came in was littered with booths selling various items from cell phone service to hot tubs.

Sadly, the "coupons = money" system that bothered us on our 4th of July excursion followed us here. But instead of 1 coupon = 1 dollar, it was 1 coupon = 50 cents. Of course you could only get the coupons in increments. We quickly blew our coupons on various things, primarily the food. If it could be fried, and even if it couldn't conceivably, you could find it fried here. This year saw the introduction of a "Fried Coke," which as it turns out, was essentially fried balls of Coke-flavored batter, covered in a Coke-based syrup, with whipped cream and a cherry.

We ended up having to get more coupons to ride the giant Ferris wheel. It was the perfect night for it. While the cage we were led into was a tight fit for the eventual 5 people in there, the ride offered a great view, plus it was a cool night with a nice breeze. We ended up spending roughly 4 hours there, and didn't see most of the attractions that people probably go there to see, like the Livestock shows and some of the museums. Would I go back to see those things? Probably not. MAYBE if I was with some people who had never been before. It's just one of those things where I had to do it, but probably won't do it again. My wallet can't take it. :)

Ahh, a new continent...makes me want to save money!

2006-10-07T07:00:00.000-05:00

Next week, we celebrate Columbus Day - which can mean only one thing. Time to hold a huge sale!

I heard one of the stupidest commercials on the radio this morning (and that's saying a lot), which went something to the effect of, "Ever wonder what Columbus felt like when he discovered America? Well now you can at StoreName's big Columbus Day sale!"

Okay, first of all, let's throw out the technicalities such as the fact that Columbus didn't discover America, but he more stumbled upon it. Let's say he did land and go "Holy crap! A new continent! This is fantastic!"

The fact that they are comparing this feeling to a sale on house paint is ludicrous. What's next, a President's Day sale commercial that goes "Ever wonder what George Washington felt like when the United States won its freedom? Now you can when you get 30% off all batteries!"

Snail Mail?

2006-10-05T09:30:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, I received two e-mails that were dated 2002.

When "regular" mail is delivered late, a driver can claim it fell between the seats, or something similar..

What's the excuse when e-mail doesn't get delivered for FOUR years?

"It fell between some data packets?"

Wanna see something REALLY scary?

2006-10-03T10:09:00.000-05:00

Last year, I shared a list of movies to watch around Christmas time.

Well, it's now October, which means since mid-September, we've all been celebrating All Hallow's Eve, aka Halloween. Yes, you can't walk into a grocery store without seeing Halloween-related items. Strange for a "holiday" that isn't celebrated until the final day of the month.

With Halloween comes the obligatory scary movies. TV networks of all kinds will share slasher and monster movies galore this month. Now, I'm not a horror movie connoisseur.. heck, I don't really like horror movies all that much. But I do own several horror-themed movies that I typically watch around Halloween. Let's share some of them, shall we?

Ghostbusters/Ghostbusters 2 - I admit I vaguely remember seeing this movie in theaters, and when I did, I got scared by the library ghost. These movies are not high on the fright-factor, but they are ghost-related, meaning they make good Halloween fare.
The Mummy/The Mummy Returns - As with the above, these movies are not high on the fright-factor. They're not even ghost-related. And The Mummy Returns is more of an adventure movie. But still, they fit well with the month.
Resident Evil/Resident Evil: Apocalypse - Ah, here we go, some zombie movies. But again, they aren't really high on horror. I view them more as action movies. But you don't get any more Halloween-themed than zombies.
The Simpsons Treehouse of Horror - Ok, not a movie, I know, but the various Halloween episodes of The Simpsons are October staples. No TV and no beer make Homer something-something.
Van Helsing - So sue me, I liked this movie. Sure, it's got more cheese than a jumbo platter of nachos, but I liked it. Vampires, werewolves, Frankenstein's monster.. it's a regular monster mash. And, as an added bonus, I purchased the deluxe edition of the movie (which I believe is out of print), which includes restored versions of Frankenstein (1931), The Wolf Man (1941), and Dracula (1931), which is just plain cool. It's interesting to watch these films.
Alien/Aliens - They mostly come out at night. Mostly.
The Frighteners - Peter Jackson, pre-Lord of the Rings. A very well-done movie, and delightfully dark. A nice Halloween movie.

But the creme de la creme is

Sleepy Hollow - Since purchasing this on DVD, I have watched this movie every Halloween. It's my own little tradition. Sure, the "murder mystery" behind the movie has long since lost it's luster, but it's a ghost story at it's heart. And no, kids, this is not the Disney version. Stay away!

There we go, my little list of recommended watching for the month. Sure, there are probably a lot more movies out there that could fit the bill, but these movies are what usually grace my DVD player each year at this time.

I was attempting the hell to communicate

2006-09-24T06:45:00.000-05:00

In Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, Spock communicates with a whale via a telepathic mind meld. He talked with the whales, the whales talked back. It was all understood. A nice little conversation.

If only it were that easy.

The subject of communication with animals came up the other night while I was watching random videos on Spikedhumor. One video had a 10-hour-old kitten meowing loudly, apparently calling for its mother. Shortly after a reply from the mother is heard, and the mother arrives and picks up the kitten.

Mocha freaked out. She started meowing, and then began intently looking around the apartment. She did this for a good 10 minutes before finally coming to the conclusion that there was nothing TO find. Amazingly enough, she understood the kitten's cries and believed a kitten might need some help. Her meows to me seemed to say, "kitten in danger! Help me look!"

Scientists have always said animals can communicate with one another via various forms of communication - body language, a whale's song, a wolf's howl - the animals seem to talk with one another just fine. It's communication with humans that seems to be a problem.

So how exactly can one communicate with animals? Well, we can't all be like Dr. Grant in Jurassic Park III and become fluent in Velociraptor in 90 minutes ("no, call for help!"). Well, there are so-called "animal psychics" who allegedly can read an animal's mind and then tell you what the animal is feeling. Now if psychics truly did exist, I doubt they could completely understand an animal's thought process. With an animal's brain not quite working the same way as a human's, I think the most a psychic could truly get out of an animals brain are base thoughts like "hungry" and "sleepy." No, these pet psychics more than likely are making educated guesses.

Then there's people like the man with his own show, The Dog Whisperer. I've only seen the show once, and if you've never seen it, basically this man goes to a person who owns a dog with behavioral problems. The man then determines the basis for these problems and offers solutions. The man is talented, I'll give him that - but he really is just a very skilled behaviorist. If you spend enough time around a particular animal it should become second nature to understand why said animal will act in a particular way, and how to discourage/encourage that act.

What about technology? Those tech wizards over in Japan have released the Bowlingual and Meowlingual in years past, which act as dog and cat "translators." The pet "speaks" into the device, the device reads the pet's speech, and then offers a text translation to let you know what the pet is saying. Pretty cool, in theory. But the idea behind this is that the makers probably spent countless hours with dogs and cats, recording their speech, and then associating certain meows/barks with behaviors. "Oh, after this bark, the dog went to go eat his food. That must be its 'I'm hungry' bark. And after this bark, he scratched at the door, that must be the 'I want out' bark." So, they associate behavior with the recorded speech, and then tell the computer to display that behavior whenever it hears a bark with that tone and pitch.

So, it's all about behavior, and that's probably the best we can hope for. It can be difficult for some pets, I admit. Take Mocha - by nature, Himalayan cats are very chatty. Mocha has something to say about nearly everything. It's tough to get a bead on what exactly she's trying to tell me. I'd be hard pressed to distinguish between "rub my belly" and "this issue of global warming is a concern to us all." She seems just as frustrated as me when she can't seem to get her point across. She may REALLY want to talk about global warming.

Class dismissed

2006-09-22T21:50:00.000-05:00

Can anyone tell me why, in a predominance of scenes in movies/TV where a class lecture is being given, the lecturer always seems to be starting his/her lecture, only to have the class end 2 minutes later? What the heck was the teacher doing the first 58 minutes?

It's like, "Today's lecture is on George Washington, our first President. George Washington was a great.. oops, class dismissed. Please read chapters 2 and 3 for next time. Oh, and sorry about the beginning of class there, today's Jerry Springer was too good to miss!"

So It's to be Torture, then

2006-09-20T12:00:00.000-05:00

Good 'ol Hollywood style.

The good guy has defeated the badguy. But the bad guy has done things so horrible, that the good guy is ready to commit a horrible deed against the bad guy.

But then, the good guy's friend pleads for the good guy to stop. And the phrase is always the same -
"If you do this, you're no better than them!"

The good guy stops, realizes their friend is right, and spares the bad guy. Crisis averted. The hero has taken the moral high ground.

It's a shame that the President doesn't have that same friend pleading with him.

In the past weeks, debate has arisen over interrogation methods that have been used on terror suspects. Alleged methods used on suspects include electric shock and "waterboarding," which is used to make the person believe they are drowning.

Bush & Co. say that these methods have helped avert terrorist attacks. Others say that such methods verge on torture and violate the Geneva Convention.

The President appeared on The Today Show, interviewing with host Matt Lauer. Lauer asked Bush about the secret detention facilities and the interrogation of suspects. He asked if Bush believed the interrogation of suspects was "within the law," why interrogate them at a secret facility? Bush dodged the question, and said,

I'm not going to talk about techniques. And, I'm not going explain to the enemy what we're doing. All I'm telling you is that you've asked me whether or not we're doing things to protect the American people, and I want the American people to know we are doing so.

He also didn't talk about techniques because he doesn't want the enemy to "adapt" to them.

First of all, I'm not sure how an enemy is going to "adapt" to certain interrogation methods. As Jon Stewart joked, how are they going to adapt to waterboarding? By growing gills?

And second, I know things are being done to protect the American people. I and every American owe a great debt of gratitude to the U.S. Armed Forces. One that can probably never be repaid. They go out there and put their own lives on the line to protect the American way of life.

But all be damned if I'm going to have someone tortured in my name, or in the name of my freedom. I've read some stories of suspects and their treatment. Some were only suspects, and never proven to be terrorists. One can only take so much abuse before saying what you want them to say. Interrogating a few people isn't what is making me safer.

Bush is also asking for 'clarification' on the Geneva Conventions, and pleading members of Congress to help pass laws that will help him get away with this crap. Members of his own party are fighting him on it, including his former Secretary of State, Colin Powell. Among the arguments against the policies are that they add to the doubts the rest of the world has about the United States, and will harm our military overseas.

And you know what, he's right. Several cultures overseas view America as the "great Satan" and view our country with great ire. By going and doing morally questionable things, this view of our country only stands to get worse. There are people out there that believe Bush's actions against terrorism have only made us more of a target instead of less of one.

Don't get me wrong. There needs to be a stop to any and all terrorist activity. If a known terrorist is caught, then he/she should be punished to the full extent of the law. Notice the last part of that: OF THE LAW.

By committing these morally questionable things in the fight against terror, we are becoming no better than the terrorists themselves. Those friends - the ones that say "by doing this you're no better than them" are there - the Bush administration simply isn't listening to them. This is one Hollywood ending where the hero won't be a hero by the end.

101 Posts or No CGI dogs allowed

2006-09-16T16:09:00.000-05:00

For the longest time I've had a hard time finding an outlet for my creativity. I tried to learn to draw for so many years but I eventually gave up on that and I have no musical talent in my blood, but that all changed when I started playing "City of Heroes." My friend (who also contributes to this blog) and I have played this game almost daily since the game became available for play. Aside from doing the missions and gaining new powers whenever our characters levels up, I would have to I have the most fun creating a new hero. Mind you, I never really played a role playing game before,but I quickly got hang of it. I discovered I have a knack for creating origin stories for my various heroes and heroines. Sometimes the story would come almost fully formed and other times I would have to struggle for months to come up with a story that I deemed suitable. I would also have brainstorming session with my friend on coming up with a good story. I would like to share some of the more notable stories (briefly, of course) of my heroes.

Blue Wire: Ahh, my first hero and my favorite. Amber Ohms (clever name don't you think) was a personal body trainer at a local gym and engaged to prominent member of the mob. She was also long time friend to an assistant District Attorney. This made her fiance nervous and he thought she was telling him secrets about the family. As it turns out that the District Attorney was bought out by the mob, and they murdered the poor assistant and framed Amber. Yeah I know, nice guys. Well since the local justice system was rigged against her, Amber found herself strapped to the electric chair, but something went wrong. *cue dramatic music* For some unexplained reason she didn't die but her body absorbed all the electricity. Chaos breaks loose, and she escapes the chair and realized that her ex-fiance was in the audience, and she gives him a taste of what the electric chair felt like. It looked as if she was about to kill him, but she stopped herself at last second and she escaped. Considered by many as a vigilante at first, Blue Wire has earned the respect and admiration of the citizens of Paragon City. Partnered with Vulcanian, she continues to fight evil doers in every shape and form.

Sara Bellum: A beautiful but brainy girl that had no time for anything but her college career. Men would constantly ask her out , but she would always turn them down. She was vaguely aware that she was telekenitic, but that all changed one day. One day, after a long study session at the university library, Sara decided to walk across campus at night. She happened across two male classmates that were drunk and obviously angry that she turned them down in the past. They tried to rape her but the attempt was quickly brought to a halt, when her telekentic abilities exploded into an unfocused rage and hurled the two attackers against a wall. Needless to say the attackers survived, but they had months of recovery before they could become mobile. Realizing her powers Sara quit school and worked on controlling her powers. Today, she is teamed with Metal Menace and they continue hunting evil and helping other heroes who are in need.

Hot Strike: Her name was Cara. A spoiled, rich high school girl that loved to get everything that she wanted. Of course, she desired something that she could never get, the love of her dreams. The object of her desire, was a wildly popular boy, but he never paid any attention to Cara. Frustrated at the lack of attention she was getting,Cara resorted to magic. Cara enlisted her best friend that dabbled in magic, to help her create a spell to get the boy to desire her. The spell was designed to make the boy feel a burning desire for Cara if he was away from her, but bliss when he was in her presence. The spell might have worked, if Cara's friend hadn't sabotaged it. It turns out that Cara's friend also desired the same boy. The spell's intended effect was redirected to Cara and not to the boy. The combination of the spell and her existing desire caused Cara to manifest fire whenever her emotions were at a high state. This was not a big problem, until her opportunistic father tried to exploit her daughter's new found powers for profit. Realizing that her dad was trying to exploit her, Cara lost all emotional control and began to manifest fire all around her. She might have been lost to her fire powers, if Dionaea didn't use her mental powers to calm her down. Eventually, Cara changed her selfish ways and learned control of her powers. Now known as Hot Strike, she and Dionaea fight crime around Paragon city.

Toxoplasma: Created in lab that was both run by the United States and the Russian Federation in order to create a type of human that can survive in hostile environments. Toxoplasma was created to absorb radiation with no ill effects. When Toxo (he goes by the nick name) was at the Chernobyl disaster sight Toxo began absorbing so much radiation and at a rapid rate that his body began to change. The radiation interacted with his cells and began to mutate them. Instead of just absorbing radiation Toxo now can release it. Realizing this new talent, Toxo escaped government service and fled to Paragon City. He now fights evil with Undershadow.

Well, that's certainly not the whole roster of my heroes, but it is a good chunk of it. As I mentioned before, I like creating these characters. Sometimes I can plan on making a character, but other times it pops into my brain randomly (this usually happens when I am at work). I just get a sense of satisfaction when I play online with my creations. The idea that this character is mine and I can shape them in fashion the way I want, just makes me happy. This might not be your idea of fun, but I hope everybody finds a way to express their creativity. Seeing something that one has thought up and brought to light just gives one a sense of satisfaction.

100th Post Spectacular!! Collector's Item!! Non-nerds look elsewhere!

2006-09-12T23:00:00.000-05:00

Well it only took us 15 months to do it, but here we are at our 100th post.

The odd thing, I thought, was naming the blog Battle Plan, after our supergroup on City of Heroes, but never actually having talked about the supergroup!

I started somewhat early in life with Role-Playing Games (RPGs). From pen-and-paper RPGs to the old "Gold Box" Dungeons & Dragons computer games (please consult your local nerd for the term Gold Box computer games).

Most of the games were played with my brother, but as my sister will shudder to see put into print, there was some playing of Top Secret, S.I. between the three of us. Otherwise it was games like Dungeons & Dragons, Ghostbusters, and most often, the Marvel Super Heroes RPG.
Probably most of my and my brother's time on Marvel was spent creating new heroes. I don't think we had maybe but half a dozen original characters we would play on a daily basis. We did have two regular supergroups, X-Force was one - before Marvel infringed on our copyright and named one of their teams X-Force. :) The other was our own copyright infringement, the Rocky Mountain Avengers, complete with clones of various Marvel characters.

Our library of characters got so large that we pulled a Crisis on Infinite Earths on our characters, and drew them all into one titanic superbattle in which many heroes and villains lost their lives. The place: our local shopping mall. The name of the battle: The Mall Massacre. Clever, eh? One of the most memorable demises had to be one of our robot characters getting turned into a toaster and then crushed. Now that's a comic book death!

This love of creating new characters has followed to City of Heroes. The "level cap" of City of Heroes is 50, and the highest level character I have is 39. Why? Because so much time is spent on so many other characters. Only 1 of hero from my pen-and-paper RPG days has made it into the game, Metal Menace.

And so, I've decided, what the heck, I'd like to share the names and origins of the various heroes I've created and who have joined the ranks of Battle Plan. One note before I begin - Babelfish has got to be one of my best allies. When the name you want for a character is taken, just go to Babelfish and voila, you've got that character's name in another language.

So here they are, the origins of my Battle Plan members. Warning, what you are about to read is in rough form. In order to put them all in one place and not get too wordy, they are abbreviated and not too descriptive. The full, glorious origins will probably remain in my brain until one day I decide to sit down and write a book about them. Oh, and it's rather nerdy.

************* WARNING: NERD ALERT************* WARNING: NERD ALERT

Vulcanian
One of my oldest heroes. Vulcanian was once a cab driver who acquired tickets to a tour cruise of paragon city. The cruise steered too close to an island infested with the villain group the Circle of Thorns, and the Circle took advantage. Vulcanian was abducted and made the subject of a ceremony to bring forth an ancient demon. A battle took place in the astral plane, and the surprisingly strong willed Vulcanian defeated the demon. He was shocked to find out that half of the ceremony was successful - his once human body was now replaced with a rocky, horned demon body. He escaped, and now fights crime with a mystical axe and his fire abilities. Despite his demonic appearance, he is well liked in his hometown. His creation was heavily influenced by the movie Hellboy, but his personality is more like that of the Thing. Named after a type of volcanic eruption. He is partnered with Blue Wire.

Dionaea

Dionaea grew up with two focuses - playing pranks, and protecting her siblings in a dysfucntional family. A mutant, Dionaea's powers emerged in her teens. She had the potential to be a very powerful telepath and telekinetic, but she focused on what she grew up with, so now she is a powerful illusionist, using telekinetic force fields to aid her allies. Named after a venus fly trap (get it? cause they use trickery). Partnered with Hot Strike.

Metal Menace

Ahh, the only holdover from the pen-and-paper days. He was an air force pilot testing an experimental plane powered by a new energy source. The plane experienced a freak storm and crashed. He gained the new ability to control weather, but was forced to receive cybernetic implants to stay alive. The implants use the same energy source as the plane, which allows him to fire blasts of the energy. (unfortunately his ability to grow in size did not make it into City of Heroes - that power is not in the game) :)

Tainted Earth

Was an archaeologist who thought he unearthed a great discovery - but to his horror he found a corporation was using the underground ruins to store its industrial waste. The corporation stumbled upon him and sealed him inside. In classic comic book fashion, the radioactive energy in the waste empowered him with control over the earth around him, as well as the ability to generate radioactive energy for various uses. He used his abilities to escape and bring down the corporation. He is now partnered with Verderoche, another hero with earth abilities.

Undershadow

Was a woman from the 1960s who discovered on her 21st birthday she was to be a sacrifice in her father's spell to prolong his life and give him more power. She enlisted the help of a local supergroup, who determined that the best way to stop him was at the spell itself. They were successful in stopping the sacrifice, but the desperate sorcerer did succeed in banishing Undershadow to a dimension of pure darkness, in exchange for some power. Undershadow did not stay trapped for long, however, as she used her occult knowledge learned from her father to escape the dimension. She soon discovered while she had spent only days in the dimension, she emerged several decades later in the real world. She also carried with her some of the dark energies from her prison dimension, and now uses these powers to battle evil. Is partners with Toxoplasma.

Epineux

Was born into a wealthy family, owner of several businesses. He was also born with the ability to heal quickly. Grew up around heroes - his father was benefactor to a large superteam that had been around for decades. In fact, he was around heroes so much that he wanted to be a hero - often placing himself in dangerous situations. Goons from a rival corporation saw him use his abilities and kidnapped the boy. They planned to harness his healing powers and create fast healing soldiers. The plan backfired when Epineux's abilities caused his bone tissue to grow exponentially, causing a explosion of spears of bone, killing all present. Epineux escaped, racked with guilt over the incident. He focused more on being a hero, and atoning for the deaths he caused (albeit accidentally). Since then he has trained intensely, and graduated college, giving himself the knowledge not only to help his father run the various businesses, but to be a great detective. Epineux fights alone. his name is French for "spiny." (more puns!)

Nonpareil

What was once an excuse to have a hero that looked good in a cape has now turned into one of my favorite heroes. He is definitely a product of the silver age of comic books, both in his demeanor and his costumes. But he wasn't always Nonpareil. He was actually born in the 19th century, son to a Greek museum curator. He moved with his father to the United States so his father could oversee a larger museum there. The museum received an odd artifact, claiming to be the mythological arrow that pierced Achilles in his vulnerable heel and killing him. An intruder came for the arrow one day, and when the young Nonpareil tried to stop him, he was struck in the heel with the arrow. Achilles' DNA mixed with his own, and soon he became largely invulnerable - and seemingly immortal. His exploits over the next few decades would be a novel. To make a long story short (too late), he held off becoming a costumed hero over fear that the world was not ready for metahumans. He joined the influx of heroes at the outbreak of World War II. It was here he discovered his only ability of invulnerability had its limits - he would need allies if he were to battle evil. He joined with a team of heroes and spent the next decades at various heroes sides, soon growing weary of seeing friends lose their lives to the fight against evil, and simply old age. He planned to retire after one last mission. He investigated a warehouse along with a fellow hero - a warehouse stockpiled with Rikti weapons, to be used in their invasion of Earth. A battle ensued when the heroes were discovered, and the weapons were ignited The warehouse blew up, and Nonpareil was rocketed to Canada, where he recovered with the help of some locals. He had lost his memory from before the explosion, and now had the ability to harness energy and use it for attack. He returned to Paragon City as Nonpareil - French for 'without equal.'

The Eternal Struggle

2006-09-10T09:10:00.000-05:00

September 12 will see the latest re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re*slaps self*-release of the "Original" Star Wars Trilogy (hereforth to be known as "the OT"). Since the 1997 release of the "Special Edition" OT, Star Wars has been surrounded by endless debate, ridicule, and frustration. Who is to blame for it? Is it the mastermind behind the series, George Lucas? Or is it the overzealous Star Wars fans? Actually, it's a little of both.

Many already know the story behind the OT. George Lucas has said on many occasions that the OT was released in an "unfinished" state. There were certain things he wanted to do with the films, but was unable to do so, due to lack of time, money, and most importantly, special effects technology. But by the time of the original movie's 20th anniversary, CGI was in regular use, so Lucas saw the opportunity to complete his work. Thus, the "Special Edition" OT was released in 1997, with updated special effects, restored picture, digital sound, and "a few surprises." The surprises turned out to be entirely new scenes that couldn't be realized before. Oh. And Greedo shooting first.

Oh horror of horrors! The sky is falling! Run for shelter!

Yes, instead of getting kudos for releasing this "fully realized" version of his movies, George Lucas got bombarded with derision, with the most common of insults being "Lucas raped my childhood!" Most of these insults came as a result of Lucas' altering of certain scenes in the movies, the most famous being that instead of Han Solo shooting the bounty hunter Greedo before he can fire a shot, Greedo shoots first, misses, and is killed by Han. Other scenes had lines replaced with alternate takes, and a completely new musical number was added to Return of the Jedi.

Hardcore fans felt betrayed that the beloved movies that they grew up with were changed in what they perceived to be horrible, nasty ways. Han can't fire back in self-defense! Shooting first is what made him cool to begin with! And it makes Greedo look like a moron since he misses at point blank range! etc. etc. Other little details were nitpicked, such as the alternate lines.

Well, get ready for a shocker.

I DIDN'T NOTICE THESE ALTERATIONS.

Sure, I recognized the new scenes. I marveled at how good the picture looked. But for the life of me, the scene that has drawn so much ire just went by like normal. To me, they were the same entertaining movies with a simple facelift. And when one really looks into it, take away the redone special effects and the added scenes, (but keep the "altered" ones) and its still 99% the same movie. And I'm still at a loss as to why people fuss so much about it.

Anyway, the fans started getting riled up, and then 1999 saw the release of the first film in the "Prequel Trilogy" (PT). The Phantom Menace made a ton of money, but the movie was chastised as not living up to the OT. The war of words was on. By now, Internet chat boards had become a big thing, and people banded together to bash the movies and George Lucas. Lucas didn't seem too upset at first. His defense was that they are his movies, and he can do with them what he wants (though not quite in those words). He again mentioned that the Special Edition versions of the OT were closer to his original vision of the series.

The first ever DVD release of a Star Wars movie came in 2001 when The Phantom Menace was released. Again, fans were annoyed. It was over the fact that the PT was being released on DVD before any of the OT were being released.

The years and the insults went on. George Luca$, as he was now called, was blamed for anything and everything having to do with Star Wars. If a kid poked himself with a Star Wars toy, you could be sure that some guy on the Internet was blaming Luca$.

Lo, behold! A light on the horizon. Lucasfilm announces they'll release the OT on DVD in 2004, complete with Dolby Digital 5.1, loads of features, and commentaries with George Luca$ and crew!

Oh wait, they're the "Special Edition" versions. Despite us asking for Star Wars being released on DVD, and us getting our wish, we're outraged that its the "Special Edition" versions. Hardcore fans wanted the untouched versions to be released (fans like me couldn't care less). Luca$ insisted that the untouched versions of the films no longer existed on celluloid, that they were damaged beyond repair, or were destroyed in the restoration process for the SE releases.

Still, those naysayers probably bought the OT DVD set, only to again pout and moan. This time it was over the sound mix used for the DVDs. The claim was that some of the new sound effects drowned out the musical score, the stereo channels were reversed in some cases, and some of the dialogue was "inconsistent" in certain areas. Lucasfilm passed these off as "creative decisions." Fans didn't buy it (the excuse, that is).

But wait, there's more!

Further alterations were made to the movies. The Han vs. Greedo scene was altered to give a more "neutral" version, with Han and Greedo shooting about the same time. Further changes were made to make the OT more in line with the PT, including adding PT star Hayden Christensen to the end of Return of the Jedi as Anakin Skywalker. Fans..upset..blah blah blah.

But Lucasfilm apparently relented. They announced that the unaltered versions would be released on DVD this year. Fans rejoiced and claimed victory. Years of bitching and whining to get their way had paid off. Luca$ was a liar for saying that the unaltered versions didn't exist anymore.

Oh no, don't say it..

Fans found more reasons to complain.

THIS time it was because a)the movies would only contain a stereo track, not Dolby Digital 5.1, b)no restoration was done to the video, and c)the video would not be anamorphic (look it up, I don't want to take the time to explain it).

Luca$, a hero one minute, was vilified the next.

And so, the struggle continues. Luca$ makes one move, the fans counter with more complaints. Even if said move is apparently made to appease the fans. So why can't anyone get things right?

It is Luca$' fault? People paint an ugly picture of him. Fans seem to envision him sitting on his throne in a castle atop a mountain, thunder in the background, drooling pitbulls at his side, laughing maniacally as he releases another version of the OT on video. While he would obviously have some say in the release of his movies on video, it's hard to imagine every decision as a brainchild of Luca$'s. He has a vast empire, and a family to take care of. To think he's some kind of puppetmaster is absurd. To be fair, Luca$ has brought a lot of it on himself. The almost continuous tweaking of the OT with every home video iteration somewhat debunks his comments about the '97 versions being his "original vision."

Is it the fans? Nothing seems to please the more hardcore ones. They type away at their keyboards, finding new ways to insult Luca$. They say the same movies that they saw in theaters now nearly 30 years ago should be what they're watching on video. And yet despite all these complaints, they buy the products. They play the games. They build upon Star Wars' hype by talking about it endlessly. Do they have a right to speak out? Of course. Do they have the right to criticize Lucas for making changes to films he made? Changes he's wanted to make for years? No, not really. George Lucas once said in an interview, and of course I'm paraphrasing, "Let's say I buy a house and paint it red. Someone walks by and says the house would look much better painted white. That very well may be, but it is my house, and I can do with it what I please."

Sadly, the practices of Lucasfilm (and not necessarily Lucas himself) continue to reinforce the image of moneygrubbing jerks who could care less about the feelings of fans. And the fans just continue to reinforce the stereotype of the nerd, constantly expressing displeasure on some message board on the Internet. I don't think any release of the OT will ever satisfy fans. And if there is one, well..that will be a most interesting day, indeed.

Jokes Courtesy Jerry Seinfeld

2006-09-04T07:00:00.000-05:00

Here we are, Labor Day, a national holiday, where most people have off.

But why do people have Labor Day off? With a name like Labor Day, shouldn't everyone be working?

Tonight's Top Story: We're Crybabies

2006-09-03T13:55:00.000-05:00

Last Sunday saw the airing of this year's Emmy Awards, the awards show for excellence in television.

Conan O'Brien hosted, and the introduction of the show found him in a plane bound for Los Angeles and the awards. Turbulence hits, and the next thing we know, Conan is emerging on the island from Lost. Over the next five minutes he encounters personalities and situations from The Office, 24, House, South Park, and Dateline NBC.

Pretty funny stuff.

Fox News, however, thought differently.

Tragically, earlier in the day, a plane crash in Kentucky claimed the lives of 49 people. Fox News found the fact that Conan crashed in a plane was in poor taste, and should have been removed from the show.

But was that what Fox News was really upset about?

A reporter on the network complained that at a few points during the show, there were jokes made at Fox News' expense, including calling it "fake news."

OH THE HORROR! THE SHAME OF THE EMMYS!

Someone making fun of someone else on television? I'm shocked. Shocked and appalled.

Honestly, if Fox News is this sensitive about being made fun of, they shouldn't be on the air. Because someone makes fun of them practically on a daily basis. Apparently they don't watch The Daily Show. I didn't watch the Emmys, but I'm told there were only 2,3 jokes made at the expense of Fox News. The Emmys aired on NBC, and host Conan O'Brien dedicated an entire musical number to making fun of NBC. Shouldn't they be pissed?

Granted, the producers of the show could have pulled the bit where Conan was on the plane, shown him emerging on the beach, and they wouldn't have lost much. But honestly, were they really being insensitive here? It's not like they were using tragedy as a launch point for jokes. I didn't see it as, "ha ha! plane crashes are funny!" Sadly there have been several plane accidents and crashes over the past few decades.. does this mean that a television show or movie depicting a plane crash is being "insensitive?"

But again I don't think Fox was upset about the plane bit. They were just ticked about the fact that someone made fun of them. They only used their outrage over the plane bit to give their "story" some sort of "legitimacy."

Funny thing is, by doing a news story about the fact that the Emmys made fun of Fox News, they're just reinforcing the joke about Fox doing fake news. Because a story about being made fun of is not news.

And then they also present the story as if you, the viewer, should be offended by what you've just seen. "See how they just made fun of us, America? Let us rise up!"

Honestly, I'm surprised to see a major network pull something that generally you only see in grade school, or see some kid pull on their parents. "Jenny made fun of me, Dad!"

Grow a backbone, Fox News. Or at least a sense of humor.

It's the End of the World as We Know It

2006-09-02T06:50:00.000-05:00

A few nights ago, the network ABC aired a primetime special, which detailed several different ways the world could end, from the death of a star to mass volcano eruptions. It's unusual, since a friend of mine recently became concerned with some type of nuclear disaster.

I've made it clear in the past that I'm not a fan of the scare tactics TV networks use. If I could quote yet another movie, K from Men in Black tells J that the reason people go on living the calm, normal lives that they do is because they don't know about all the aliens there and all the times Earth is threatened with destruction. Bottom line is, you don't want to start a panic or a riot with these disasters. But I suppose that is a discussion for another time.

As far as nuclear disasters are concerned, that's a touchy subject. We don't have the nuclear scares that we used to during the Cold War. But now, Iran and North Korea have been experimenting with nuclear weapons, and people are starting to worry again.

Can a nuclear disaster happen? Yes.

Will a nuclear disaster happen? I'd have to say odds are against it.

Why? Because I think it would take a giant miscalculation on someone's part, or, it would take a truly insane person who doesn't have someone around them saying "what are you, an idiot?"

I'd like to believe that the leaders and countries of the world are too smart to get involved in a nuclear war..or any massive conflict, for that matter. Traditionally speaking, war is fought over territory, or to overthrow/eliminate another party. A smart leader would see that starting a massive conflict would likely end not only in the extermination of the enemy, but of your own people as well. There would be no clear cut winner. Just a bunch of smoldering ruins and radioactive environments that will be unlivable for some time to come.

That's why I said it would take a tremendous mistake or a crazy person for this to happen. If Country X has a computer malfunction and fires missiles at Country Y, then without question Country Y is going to retaliate. I doubt that Country Y is going to call Country X and go "hey, did you mean to fire those missiles at us? You didn't? Oh well that's good. Have a nice day."

And crazy people...well...lots of them in the world. A few of them in charge of a country. Some pretty much rule with an iron fist, so it's doubtful that one of his subordinates would have the guts to speak up should said ruler decide to launch missiles at people.

Politicians, though, seem to do their best to prevent something like that from occurring.

So there's my "optimistic" view. I don't think we're on the brink of nuclear disaster as much as we were 20 years ago. That doesn't mean it won't happen. We have to trust on the competence of our governments, and on the sanity of certain world leaders - which for some can be a tall order indeed.

Cuteness Ploy, aka "Spontaneous Cuteness"

2006-09-01T06:00:00.000-05:00

Mocha's a smart cat. She knows shen I have a day off, and when I have to go into work.

While she isn't one of those cats who wants to be petted or held all the time, she does really enjoy being near me.. she likes the company.

So when she knows I have to go into work, she runs into a problem. She knows she'll be alone all day. So, what can she possibly do about it?

The only thing she can - be cute. As I'm sitting there gathering the last of my things to head into work, Mocha will go and perform what I call "spontaneous cuteness." She will rub up against me, roll around on her back, beg for a belly rub...anything she can think of to prevent me from leaving.

Of course she knows that in the end, I still need to leave. But I suppose she feels she has to try. And I admit, I've left later in the day than usual because of these "outbursts." Who could resist?

No Love for Pluto

2006-08-26T09:15:00.000-05:00

Following up on my post from earlier in the week, the IAU has made a decision about the solar system.

Apparently not fans of cartoon dogs (or Greek gods of the Underworld, depending on your point of view), the IAU has demoted Pluto, and now there are only 8 "official" planets in our solar system. The other eight planets have "orbital dominance" .. Pluto doesn't. It's orbit overlaps Neptune's. Therefore Pluto, along with some other celestial bodies like the earlier proposed planets like Ceres, will now be classified as "Dwarf Planets."

And so, the IAU has now confirmed there is no Santa Claus. Defenders of Pluto as a planet are upset. The widow of the man who discovered Pluto is upset. Apparently NASA thinks the "definition" is just lazy, especially since they are planning a mission to Pluto.

Yet, life goes on. Science is an ever-changing field, and it's understandable why this one particular scientific body wanted to come up with a "proper" definition of a planet. But as one of the many, many people since the 1930s who grew up with the knowledge that there are 9 planets, I can't help but be a little disappointed.

Mother******* Snakes on a Plane!!

2006-08-25T07:00:00.000-05:00

Well, on a dare (yes, that's it), I went to go see Snakes on a Plane, a movie whose overhype has been overhyped.

I don't normally see a movie of this type.. but I needed an afternoon at the movies, and well, I heard this movie was "fun," so I thought I'd give it a go. None of the other movies looked all that fun. What's that? What about that Will Ferrell movie? Ummm....NO.

I won't bore you with the details of the plot..as it has been said 100,000 times before, the title explains it all. The story behind this movie's "cult" status has reached almost legendary proportions.. even CNN had a story on it (They needed 5 minutes to fill while they flew more people to the Middle East I guess). The story about how the movie was PG-13, but fan demand made the filmmakers do re-shoots to push it to an R rating..blah blah...in the end, this probably helped the movie.

The movie is by no means scary (to me, anyway). It's a monster movie, whose goal is to snake a high body count (get it?). This is not like Samuel L. Jackson's other monster movie, Deep Blue Sea, where anyone can die at any time, even the high profile actors. Nope. Snakes is a by-the-books monster movie with all your stereotypical "oooh! me me me! kill me" characters who might as well had had bullseyes painted on their foreheads.

Yep, I bet that couple having naughty sex in the lavatory while smoking a joint will live to find that true love isn't all physical. Hey, look, a snooty British guy who thinks about no one but himself and insults everyone! I bet by the end he'll learn a lesson and become a loving, caring person. And that old woman who got bitten by a snake while saving an infant will be rewarded with a speedy recovery. Right ma'am? Ma'am? Hmmm. Bored stiff, I guess.

So maybe the movie is scary to those people who have snake phobias.....

...which is who the filmmakers probably had in mind when making the movie. They must've read "The Snake Phobic Handbook" or something like that, because every horrible way you can possibly imagine of getting killed by a snake is this movie, each more ridiculous than the next. Nothing and no one is spared, not even cute cuddly pets. Also not spared are people's appendages..yes, even their naughty bits. And I bet you'll always check that air sickness bag on your next flight after seeing this movie! It was so comical, I expected Sam Jackson to try to poke a snake's eyes out with two fingers, only to have a snake block his hand with a forked tongue. When the movie ended I envisioned Porky Pig coming out with his trademark "that's all folks!" while the looney tunes theme played.

Yet in all this, the actors keep a straight face. They know the material is substandard, but they play it to perfection. I had flashbacks to Airplane. I almost wanted to see Robert Stack take command of the flight tower.

In the end, I didn't think I saw a bad movie. And by no means did I see a good movie. No, all I saw was a movie about snakes on a plane. This is what the movie promised, and this is what the movie delivered. You can expect no less. I had fun, it snapped me out of a funk as I laughed my way through it. The older gentleman in the row behind me and several seats down kicked his seat and let forth a girlish "Whoooooooo!" at points. Not even the fact that the dimwit projectionist left the light on in the projection booth spoiled my experience.

So, there you go. Unless you REALLY have to get out, I might save this for a dollar movie or rental. You may want to see what the buzz is about. Or is that hiss?

Planetary Harmony

2006-08-23T12:30:00.000-05:00

Do you ever look up in the sky and wonder:
- Hey, how come Pluto gets to be a planet? That's so unfair!
- You know, I really don't have enough planets to memorize.
- I'm deeply confused as far as what a planet truly is. I wish someone would clear it up for me.

Well look no further, the IAU is coming to your rescue!

The IAU (International Astronomical Union) is currently meeting in Prague to determine the fate of our solar system.

Among the things being discussed, is the definition of the word 'planet.' Roughly stated, they want to make any object that orbits a star and has enough self-gravity to pull it into a spherical shape.

Whew, glad that cleared things up.

Whoops..except that definition puts the number of "official" planets over 9! It would add the asteroid Ceres, Pluto's "twin" Charon, and 2003 UB313, aka "Xena." And that's just for starters. The definition could apply to other objects as well, placing the number of known "planets" to several dozen.

But to add even more "clarification," the IAU first proposed making Pluto, Charon, Ceres, and Xena "plutons," because they're so darn different from the other 8 "classical" planets. That idea was nixed, and now they're looking at a different term and definition for these objects, making them "dwarf planets," and essentially eliminating them from being "proper" planets. A "proper" planet must have "orbital dominance."

This has caused heated debate between the scientists at the assembly, which runs till August 25.

I don't know about the rest of you, but in school when we were learning the solar system, we learned the current 9 planets, and there were several clever ways to remember the names and the order..take the first letter of each planet.. MVEMJSUNP.. and come up with something like "My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizzas" and various iterations. That's the way it's been for decades. I shudder at kids these days trying to memorize new planets. 12 wouldn't be TOO bad..but somewhere in the 50s? It's not happening. What kind of clever way do you come up with to memorize MVEMCJSUNCU?

And now the scientists want to change that. It's understandable, for them.. they want to clearly define what a planet is, so that no further "confusion" will occur in the scientific community.

This is what bugs me, though. To me, the term "planet" has never been one rooted in scientific jargon. It's always been just a general term, or I guess you could call it a "public" or "cultural" term. I hate when scientists or politicians try to define things for the general populace.

If I could dare to bring up a reference from the show The Simpsons: their hometown was founded by a man Jebediah Springfield, who lives in myth and legend with his exploits and his character. Lisa Simpson, however, discovers he was truly a murderous pirate, who hated the town he founded. Lisa tries to expose him, but in the end, decides not to. Why? Because the legend has value just as much as the actual facts do.

I feel this is kind of the same for the Solar System. People have a classical view of it, and if someone tries to come in and change all that, then the view is tarnished. People have a hard enough time as it is getting excited about astronomy. Going and radically changing the definition of the cosmos would further decrease people's interest.

So, it's good that the scientists are trying to clear some things up for themselves. But maybe they can keep a separation of science and popular culture. Then everyone will be happy.

I'm Rich Redux

2006-08-18T11:30:00.000-05:00

Lucky me, I won the British lottery again! Another $1.4 million to add to my burgeoning fortune.

But the lottery isn't the only thing that's adding to my bank account.

By some strange coincidence, a bunch of people overseas with the last name as me have passed on recently, and guess what, they're all millionares! Oil fields, mostly. Problem is, their relatives can't cash in on their fortunes, and they need my help. All I have to do is let them borrow my bank account for a bit, and when it's all said and done, I get a cut of the loot. Sounds fair to me. After all, the more money I get, the more I can invest and get even MORE money!

If this keeps up, I'll be able to buy my own island.